Why do we have girlfriends?

Sex.
Companionship.

We are hard wired to have an attraction to the opposite sex in order to ensure procreation.

I took it from a striaght woman’s point of view and I have woman friends because they are my rock and my comfort through good times and bad. As for why guys have girlfriends; I guess for sex, companionship and ego stroking.

Girlfriends/boyfriends are a function of our culture. Many cultures do not allow dating, “hooking up”, or relationships like that. If you want to know, you should ask yourself, since it’s apparently part of your world view.

So we can feel this overwhelming sense of power that they give us when they stroke our egos. @janbb definitely knows what she’s talking about here, being an expert on men and all. NOT!

Why do we have girlfriends? Well, we fall in love with them. For whatever set of reasons, they seem wonderful—beautiful and exciting and fun to be with—and who doesn’t want to be with a wonderful woman? She’s fun to talk to and she has great ideas and seems like her personality meets ours in a way that generates a pretty good synergy.

They also help keep us… no, time to speak for myself. They keep me from feeling lonely. I found a connection with my girlfriends (and wife, when I eventually met her) that seemed to go beyond any other type of relationship I’d had. With some women, it was a lot stronger than with others.

I believe that we all want to feel connected. Many of us give up, and start to believe that the only thing possible between men and women is sex and manipulation. Maybe I’m a romantic, but I’ve always had success finding women who would love me. Well, not always. Let’s say since college. I was a mess from age 16 to 20. So lonely.

I think that sex is an expression of that connection and the love we feel, but if we can’t feel the connection, sex kind of simulates it for a few moments. This is true for both men and women, but men tend to get the rap for it due to some cynicism on the part of women who have been burnt fairly often. But both men and women get burnt. When women get burnt, they often seem to complain a lot about men. When men get burnt, they tend to internalize it and hold it in, except for complaining to other men a bit. Women think it’s healthier to let it all hang out. Personally, I find the complaining to be pretty annoying—whether it is women or men. Then again, I’ve never had much to complain about. My complaints are about individuals, not classes of people.

Now some of the other reasons you mention do play into it. Part of it is social and is about status, especially in high school. In high school, there is a heated scramble to reach the top of the heap, status-wise. Part of that is being popular enough to have a girlfriend (if you’re a boy). You don’t look so much like a loser. For me, I thought I’d be more of a loser if I was shot down than if I didn’t have a girlfriend, so I never had one. Besides which, I was completely embarrassed to let my family know if there was anyone. I thought I’d get teased mercilessly and I wasn’t up for that.

So there you have it. Be careful about other people’s responses. You’ll probably get a lot of cynicism. Girlfriends are about love and romance and magic and possibly the rest of your life. This is important stuff. Don’t turn it into some kind of formulaic thing.

@wundayatta Thanks for the slap; I really needed that today. I was just being a bit lighthearted but I do think my answer is valid for both sexes. I don’t think your lengthy answer said much different substantive things to mine.

@janbb I’ve heard you say things like this in the past. Much truth is said in jest. Not to mention it’s a kid who I think deserves a serious answer.

@wundayatta I would like some examples. I rarely give a pat or trite answer; although I can be flippant. I am not sexist nor do I put men down. Read my answers to the questiona about what men and women want in a partner; to be listened to and appreciated. That is truly what I feel. And as I said above, I do think ego stroking is part of what people want from their partner. You should be the first to see that.

To help foster Facebook!
Seriously for reasons from pheromones to procreation. From companionship to social.
Humans create complex social structures from cooperating and competing groups.

You know what, @Eggie ? You pretty much nailed it in your details. Sex, companionship, fitting in (in some cases that’s a very valid awareness) and for someone your age (am I remembering that you’re young? by my standards anyway) practice for later pair-bonding for producing and raising offspring. And despite @wundayatta‘s rather wordy outrage at @janbb‘s response, ego-stroking does play into all successful relationships. One reason that we humans choose to spend extended time with anyone is that they make us feel good. That simple.

I think that feeling good about another person is about sincere admiration of their personality or talents or charms or whatever. Ego-stroking, in my mind, is about insincere stroking, just to mollify the partner. I most definitely do not want ego-stroking. It makes me feel worse. I need to be able to believe what my partner is saying.

Perhaps as important, I need to be acknowledged for things I think I contribute to the relationship. If she leaves something out, then I have to wonder if it is as important as I thought it was.

In any case, I think that acknowledgement and appreciation is quite different from ego stroking. To call it ego stroking is to make fun of it, which implies that it’s just something women do to appease the poor men who have so little going for them (compared to women) that they need the stroking, whether it is deserved or not. This paints men as so insecure that they would be nothing without women around to prop them up.

That is not a relationship. That is not what girlfriends are good for. They are so much more than that. I think far too many women have little respect for themselves and they often relegate themselves to this “ego-stroking” role, to the detriment of all of us.

@wundayatta I think you have put far more pejorative a meaning to my use of the term then I intended. It may be that it is a hot-button for you. And as I said in my short rejoinder, which I hope you read, I have always believed that men and women seek many of the same things in a relationship. I apologize for the misunderstanding.

I think most people want to feel like, to at least one other person, they are the most important person in the world.

@Wundy Quit jumping on the penguin, dude! Whatev er is happening seems to be about you not what @janbb said. I read her original answer and I think it is fine. Many men do use women to stroke their egos (having a fine lady on their arm).

People, like all other animals, are hard-wired to procreate. If nobody wanted to hook up and have babies, we would become extinct.

To share our life with someone.

It is very very difficult to grow personally without the significant other, whom you trust, to reflect on. And vice-versa. You watch each other’s back. Support each other when things are tough. Work with each other to make a life neither of you could alone.
Then there’s the nooky and cuddling and ego-stroking just because you like each other too.
A partnership is efficient too. One of you can queue up while the other goes to the loo or up to the head of the line to see if it’s going to be worth it.