Social Question

Luiveton's avatar

Are males born like that?

Asked by Luiveton (4142 points ) November 19th, 2011

It would be unjust to say all males are like that to be honest. But out of all the males I’ve come across, I’ve never had a positive experience as opposed to the usual majority of people.
Some males are just born players, it makes me wonder how? Don’t they have feelings, regrets? Or just boners?
Don’t they ever feel guilty when they hurt a female’s feelings? Do they ever have genuine feelings that do not have to do anything with their bottom part for any girls? Or do they just lie to her, and when they get what they want they end up dumping her?
I am not saying this happened to me, per se, but something very similar. It hurts when a guy lies to you.
Boys, do not be biased towards your horny gender.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

25 Answers

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

No, none of this is true. People can be really selfish, and that doesn’t just magically shut down when dating. It’s definitely not exclusive to men, I’ve known plenty of guys with broken hearts who were convinced that women do the same thing.
It’s people. We’re animals. Sometimes it’s for the attention, sometimes it’s for the sex, sometimes it’s just nice to have our ego stroked. When you learn that you can get certain things you want without putting forth a lot of effort, well, a lot of people are driven to take advantage of that. Regardless of what their genitals look like.

LuckyGuy's avatar

If you change the word “all” to “some”, I might agree with you.

Now do a gender change on the words in your Q. Switch all the “males” to “females”, “females to “males” and “boy” to “girl”, etc. and read it again. I might agree with you.

There are jerks of all kinds in all genders. There are also nice ones and, believe it or not, they outnumber the jerks. They are easy to find if you avoid the flashy ones.

the100thmonkey's avatar

It’s tempting to put your experiences down to men being “born that way”. This allows you to not assign individuals responsibility for their actions, which is tempting as it makes it easier to tell yourself that you understand at least 50% of the people around you.

Sadly, it’s a fucking massive fallacy.

In my experience, the majority of people – male or female – are, at the very least, difficult to like. Live with it; learn from it.

I would suggest, @Luiveton, that you don’t think of this as a gender issue at all; rather a people issue.

roundsquare's avatar

I agree with everyone above. In addition, some people are just naturally attracted to or find themselves around people with traits that tend to correlate with being a jerk.

In the past, before birth control and DNA tests, men could get away with stuff more easily. This history is likely the source of the stereotype that men are (more often) jerks and women are (more often) not. But, as both proliferate, women are able to be, and often are, just as bad as men.

Coloma's avatar

It’s less about sex and more about character. There are lots of character disturbed PEOPLE, male and female.

Some men may have extra strong sexual drives but they have integrity too and don’t use women as sexual objects.

Don’t forget the female counterpart, the Gold digger. Plenty of women that only want to get into a guys bank account and will play the game skillfully.

Both types are a disgrace to their genders.

jrpowell's avatar

Well, the good news is that people like that tend to stay in packs making it easier to avoid them. If all the guys you encounter are assholes stop meeting guys at frat parties and bars.

JLeslie's avatar

There are good men, but there are quite a few that will cheat and lie, especially if they are under the age of 20. A lot of men grow out of it for various reasons.

Some men grow up around cheating. Their dads did it, their uncles did it, and their older brothers did it, and it is simply the environment they know. Those men are mich less likely to ever reform in my opinion. They are chronic cheaters, it is par for the course in their life. Stay away from that group, friends and family. @johnpowell is right, they tend to be in packs, dogs that they are.

If everyone around you is like this, you need to move on and out. There is a whole other world of people out there that does not have cheating men, or women who walk around constantly wondering if their guy is cheating.

john65pennington's avatar

My answer is from a big generation gap between men of today and men of yesterday(thats me).

I would not put all men of today in the classification you have described. There are still some good men out there…..you just have to look(and not in bars).

Believe it or not, the vast majority of men DO have feelings.

Some are players and out for what they can get from a woman.

Its up to you to distinguish the good from the bad.

My generation, I guess, had more respect for women, their feelings, and to avoid crucifying a relationship, if at all possible.

Some men today, apparently do not care and that’s a bad thing.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Before you decide to take any relationship to the next level, make sure you have at least one date that includes a dinner at a restaurant and note how the guy behaves. Is he polite and pleasant to the staff? That should be your first clue.
Is the guy a drinker, smoker or take drugs? That is your second big clue.
Does he have other females chasing him? That is your third big clue.

Go for the quiet, non-party types who got the good grades in school. You will never regret it.

JLeslie's avatar

@john65pennington I have never thought of it innterms of the generations. I usually think of it in the very not PC way of culture. I find Latin American men to be much more likely to cheat, openly cheat. Remember that my husband is Mexican as is not a cheater and liar, although, I am not trying to say he never would, only that he isn’t one of those chronic cheating men. I characterize my husband as a faithful man, who if he ever cheater it would be a surprise not only to me, but to him to. And, I certainly know “caucasian” American men who cheat. But, statistically the odds are working against a women if the guy is Latin American I think. Probably could lump Italians in two, I am sure there are a few others. Certain industries also seem to be conducive, restaurant biz is one famous for cheating men. But, these are just my nonscientific subjective opinion.

My cousin once told me, the difference between a Jewish guy and a Latin guy, is when the Latin guy cheats he has to let his wife know, he is more likely to not care if she finds out, because she is going to accept it as that is how men are. He is in his 60’s now, and he said it to me over 20 years ago. I think some of this changing even in other cultures, because as women become more financially independent they tell their husbands to fuck off.

jerv's avatar

It sounds to me like someone just ended a relationship, and it’s not the first time that they have run across this type of guy, which tells me that someone goes after the wrong kind habitually.

Yes, there are a lot of guys that are like that. There are ~312,000,000 people in the US, which means that there are over 150 million guys out there, and if even 1% of them are like that, then that is still 1.5 million; like I said, “a lot”.

The fact that the type of guy you describe is a minority in our population yet seems to be the only type you know of tells me a bit about you.

Regardless, there are people of both genders like that. Ever see a gold-digger looking for a free ride? How about just a run-of-the-mill slut who likes bouncing the mattress but doesn’t care about a guys feelings? Or those gals who do care because they are catty and seek to inflict emotional harm?

Face it, it isn’t a gender thing.

And you might want to raise your standards. You seem to be hanging with te wrong crowd if all you can find is playas.

dabbler's avatar

Echoing some excellent answers above, both genders have their share of a-holes.

And, corollary to @jerv observation, I’d say most people have their most hurtful relationships with the opposite/attractive gender because those are the type they are going to be in the most vulnerable relationships with.

As @jerv and @worriedguy are recommending, raise your standards. Nice guys are out there, they just haven’t shoved their way to the front of the pack. They may be wary of relationships because they’ve run into their share of uncaring exploitive people just like you have, didn’t see it coming and got their hearts broken too.

thesparrow's avatar

Noo, that’s not true at all. Though most are. If they’re not now, they probably were 5, 10, 15 years ago..

thesparrow's avatar

@jerv That’s true. I’ve noticed, talking to guys, that they have similar things to say about girls. I was really surprised because normally I thought of the woman as the ‘good’ one. But that’s not always so.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

So by ‘majority of people’ you then mean women. No, you can’t generalize a sex or a gender. You want better, raise better sons.

MilkyWay's avatar

Nothing, no one, is born like what they are today. It’s their experiences and the choices they make that make them who they are.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
everephebe's avatar

All men are pricks, and some are bigger than others. Wait…
Hey, I’m a guy and I like being honest, but then again my last name is Trueman…

Paradox25's avatar

Society puts tremendous pressure on males from a young age to be hypermasculine from a very early age. Even 98% of dating advice/coaches encourage men to become players and that ‘nice guys finish last’. Unfortunately what many women are sexually attracted to doesn’t seem to match what they’re emotionally attracted to. You can’t have your cake and eat it here.

I also think that more women need to be a bit more assertive in trying to land a match as well, but not overly so (I say the same thing for men as well). Players and jerks will always push ahead to the front of the pack so we either take the jellybeans that are on top of the pile and eat whatever flavor lands in our hands or we search through the jar for the flavor we want.

Though I do think there may be some biological factors which determine how each person of each gender behaves (along with individual personality traits) I think the majority of behaviors are the result of societal gender behavior constructs. We all want to be cool and liked by others so what better way is there to have this happen than being the ideal example of how you should represent your gender? Unfortunately there are alot of negatives that come with these expectations as well. OP sounds like my sisters. Sigh.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I’m sorry I haven’t read the thread, so I might be repeating what someone else has already contributed.

A wise person once told me. If I meet one or two assholes, then I’ve met a lot of nice people, too. However, if everyone I meet is an asshole, then maybe the problem is me.

King_Pariah's avatar

Hahaha…

this reminds me of the me in high school… Such a scum bag player, hahaha…

Fortunately I’m like my mom, I’m incapable of forgiving or forgetting but unlike her, that includes myself, and the guilt and regret that never dims from it has become partially a reason I wish to kill myself though has no root in the main reason (I know, very pathetic)... Though perhaps if I weren’t trying to mask my own pain and run away from it in such an unhealthy manner I would have been a good guy back then. Oh well, lesson learned but damage done… hahaha, I did terrible things. Pity them, shoot me.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@King_Pariah No need to shoot yourself – It’s too permanent . A good swift kick in the nuts is enough.
It is apparent you learned from the experience and are paying your dues.
You’re not a total loss. Once you’ve finished paying up, you might even end up being one of the good guys.
Good luck to you.

thesparrow's avatar

@King_Pariah My own did some dumb stuff back in the day. Maybe not the player type but definitely some ‘regrets’, as he puts it. I just smile and say ‘well, you hit the nugget now, baby, and that’s all that matters.’ Which is a little conceited but it’s an objective truth.

MRSHINYSHOES's avatar

Well, men make much more testosterone than women, and testosterone is a powerful sex driving hormone, so it stands to reason that men are more sexually driven than women are, and sometimes this gets them into trouble. But to say males are more mal-aligned than females is erroneous. People in general are potentially evil, dishonest, crooked, and sneaky, no matter what sex they are. You can have stupid men and stupid women, and dishonest men and dishonest women.

thesparrow's avatar

@MRSHINYSHOES Yeh, we womenz is always driven by love.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther