General Question

Earthflag's avatar

Is age still a big issue even if she is legal?

Asked by Earthflag (549 points ) November 25th, 2011

I randomly walked in a graduate college party last week. I met many men and I was talking to one for about half an hour. We both were sarcastic, funny and we had this great connection. Then I asked him how old does he think I was, and he said 24. When I told him I was 18, he couldn’t believe me, and I showed him my ID. He suddenly seemed disturbed and after awhile, he looked down, touched my lap slightly once and walked away. I was shocked. He was only 27.

I did not understand… Is it really a big deal?

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15 Answers

Jaltcoh's avatar

It was a big deal to him, and that’s all that matters. For some people, it wouldn’t be a big deal. But 27 vs. 18 is a very significant gap. You’ve presumably just graduated from high school, while he’s getting close to his 30s. So I don’t think his response was abnormal, though the way he expressed it sounds rude.

whitetigress's avatar

27–18=9 years of adult experience. Some examples of things you probably couldn’t understand that he potentially could have been through. 1. He pays his phone bills, he pays his own bills period, he has a strong sense of credit building, he is looking for someone who is mature, he goes out to bars or 21+ events, no way anyone is going to wait 3 years, no matter how romantic the first connection may have seemed, he has a sense of “man this chick just got out of highschool.” there are tons of things racing to his mind when he found out you were 18. dont be offended though, you need to gain experience before playing with lions, i think you’re like a teen cub getting your foot out there in the real world, at least thats what i gather from your question.

Jaltcoh's avatar

whitetigress raises an interesting point: Do you really want to be with someone 9 years older?

Instead of dwelling on what might have been going on in his mind, question whether he’s really the kind of person you would want.

Earthflag's avatar

Thank you @whitetigress and @Jaltcoh , I agree… I know 9 years of experience is very different, but I am different than most teenagers my age. I started living by myself since i was 16, and I have been all over, done quite a bit, and I never had problems going to a bar or club… But I quite understand his point of view now, although it doesn’t stop hurting. I’ve met people who were 50, and who were interested in my even though they didn’t know my age I’m sure they knew I was much younger. It is “gross”, and I guess their intentions were mostly sexual, but why didn’t the 27 year old guy immediately rejected me? The relationship sense may be impossible, but why didn’t he think about it sexually, and just left? I know it is wrong, but I am just curious on why and how.

XOIIO's avatar

@Earthflag There are plenty of people your age and younger who say that, your nothing special, people change loads in 9 years.

Earthflag's avatar

@XOIIO I never said they don’t. Of course they do. People change everyday.

lillycoyote's avatar

He’s also old enough to drink legally and you are not. You may not have trouble getting into bars and clubs but you are still underage and if he were to be found to have supplied you with alcohol at either of your homes or at a party he could end up in fair amount of trouble. Why risk that? If there was alcohol at the party that might have been part of the instant rejection. It’s not really a good idea for people who are of age to party with 18 year olds, or at least for people who don’t want to risk getting arrested for contributing or civilly liable if they had provided you with alcohol and something happened. Not worth it.

marinelife's avatar

The difference between 18 and 27 is huge, way more than the difference between 27 and 36.
You are just starting out in your life. You will change so much in the next five or six years.

He was wise, and you had a lucky escape.

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choreplay's avatar

@Earthflag I’m a little set back by lots of reactions to this guy in the above post. You shouldn’t be hurt by this, really, he did something that was dignified and respectful for you as well as him. You said, “why didn’t he think of it sexaully”, sure he did, he was flirting with you wasn’t he, he was a guy, wasn’t he, but he did the honorable thing. This is the guy that will do the right thing hopefully most of his life, like faithfulness. Think about all that was involved in the gesture of him touching your leg before he walked away. It was like an advance before a retreat, he could have made a polite excuse, but he liked you enough to show afection and respect to you in his actions.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I’m with @choreplay on this. I think the guy did the right thing. He was respectful and polite. There are so many other ways this could have played out. He chose the absolute best.
Ladies! See there are nice guys out there.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

I agree totally with @choreplay and @worriedguy….on the one hand, it looks like you missed out on a honorable guy. On the other hand, you have to commend him as he did do the honorable thing.

I remember when I was fresh-faced and in my freshman year of college (I was also 18) and I fell into a conversation with a teaching assistant who sat next to me on a bench in one of my first days at university. He was definitely on the prowl, and I was as naive as could be. I thought he was just a “nice guy” looking for a friend. I was impressed that he was working on his Phd and blah blah blah girl-from-smalltown blah blah. He invited me to “his place” and I was silly enough to think that he was just being hospitable and attempting to make me feel less homesick. Instead, he was just looking for someone fitting my profile (naive, away from home, etc) to seduce.

Let me just say that I managed to extricate myself from a possibly dangerous situation by simply saying that if he did not take me home immediately, I was going to report him to the university. But I remember when I was saying it (as he started groping me) I felt like I had actually asked for this by accepting his invitation. I mean, it was, after all in the middle of the afternoon, what could happen, right? (Right.) And honestly, coming from a small town where people really were friends and friendly I thought we were going to just be friends and have a cup of coffee. I grew up a lot that afternoon. And frankly, I remember being completely grossed out and feeling violated and betrayed (betrayed by my own naivete, too, mind you.)

Please don’t take this personally. It wasn’t meant that way. It was just the reaction of a decent guy who was attempting to protect you and protect himself. And frankly, after my experience (and having lived quite a few years after that incident of my youth) it is actually a very noble act on his part.

Earthflag's avatar

Great answers… Now, It makes me a bit sad to not have a chance with a guy like him… But I completely understand. Any other opinions and answers would be great too.

DrBill's avatar

I have always believed that age is only a number, if your happy, and legal (18+) go for it

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