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15barcam's avatar

My friend is really mad at me for a stupid reason. Help?

Asked by 15barcam (742 points ) December 11th, 2011

So my friend, (let’s call her Susan), really likes this one guy,(let’s call him Paul). Paul happens to live really close to where I live, so I usually walk home from school with him everyday. He’s a really cool guy, and just the sort of person that a girl can really be friends with. Susan was fine with all that until he asked me out the other day. I said no and made the boundaries clear, and Paul just accepted it and nothing has changed between us. Unfortunatly, I was stupid enough to mention it to a friend who told Susan. Now she says she isn’t mad but she is ignoring me and won’t look me in the eye, along with many other things. To top everything off, some of Susan’s friends have told a ton of people that I did say yes and only to irritate Susan! How can I address Susan and my fellow classmates?

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17 Answers

deni's avatar

“Yo, Susan. I told Paul no because I value our friendship more than a relationship with a guy. If you can’t respect that, then you can continue being angry for no reason.”

Sunny2's avatar

This is one of those questions that remind me why I’m glad I’m not young anymore. To clarify: you said no to a date with a guy who is a friend of yours because your other friend, Susan, has a crush on him? Is Susan dating him on a steady basis?. . . . .
I just read @deni ‘s response and I’m obviously in territory which has changed since I was in it.I don’t think I ever had a girl friend I valued more than a boy friend.

lillycoyote's avatar

I think @deni‘s got it here. There’s nothing more you can do. He’s the one who asked you out, you said no. It’s not your fault. She is angry at you for something he did, not for something you did. That is her issue. Hopefully she will get over it. It just may take some time. Be patient with her. Hopefully her friendship with you is important enough that she will come around in time.

Moegitto's avatar

This is a common occurrence among younger people. It all boils down to a “She say, She say” situation. The first thing is to attempt to talk to your friend and see if she’ll listen. The best way to solve a problem is to address it head on. If she listens, then you can worry about the gossip floating around, they’re not as important as your friend is to you, but gossip mutates quickly and soon you could find yourself in a situation because one word got dropped from a rumor (or added). But first and foremost is to get your friend to talk to you, and while having that talk, address the rumors with her. See if she can help you with that.

deni's avatar

@Sunny2 It’s definitely not the case with everyone. I’ve always had good guy friends and not many close girl friends so there were for sure times when I would have chosen a guy over a girl.

LostInParadise's avatar

This is a tough situation. You behaved admirably, but you have to see things from Susan’s point of view. She told you that she is interested in Paul and you are the one that he ends up asking out. It has to hurt. Just out of curiosity, did you ever talk about Susan with Paul?

LuckyGuy's avatar

Listen to @deni.
Whatever you do, DON’T PUT IT ON FACEBOOK!

You learned a good lesson. Never tell anything to the friend who told Susan. She proved she cannot be trusted.

marinelife's avatar

You can go and talk to Susan, but she has been bitten by the green-eyed monster (jealousy). You can’t change her feelings.

ninjanick's avatar

Go tell Paul what happened, then ask him to tell Susan what really happened to make things clear.

HungryGuy's avatar

Tell Paul you changed your mind and that you want to go out with him (even if you don’t, it’s not like you’re marrying him by dating him for a while). Then tell Susan exactly what happened and that’s why you’re dating Paul.

15barcam's avatar

LostInParadise, yes, every once in a while i tried to talk up Susan to Paul

LostInParadise's avatar

You really are a good friend. I hope that Susan comes to realize this.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

This may seem immature, but you could try playing that gossiper’s game right back. Do you know anyone who doesn’t like the gossiper who spread a rumour about you who has a big mouth (but does not lie)? If so, go to that person and explain that there is this rumour about you going around that isn’t true and that you’re not dating Paul at all… that you’re just friends with him and you never said “Yes” to him when he asked you out. Invite this gossiper to walk with the two of you and make it totally obvious you’re not dating him.

A more mature approach would be to say this (or something like this) to your friend: “I am not dating Paul. If you don’t believe me, you can go ask him yourself! You know I love you and I would never do that to you. If you don’t believe me, there is nothing I can do about it. I am insulted you believe rumours over me. Maybe one day, you will see that I never betrayed you or your trust. You mean more to me than that. Paul is my friend, but he’s not my boyfriend… and I don’t plan on changing that any time soon. In time, you will see that I am telling you the truth… even if you’re too angry at me to see it right now because of someone who started a rumour about me.”

dabbler's avatar

Give your friend a little time to absorb and realize the truth that you did the right thing by her.
She’s probably embarrassed or a little demoralized that Paul showed interest in someone else.
Bolster her confidence, and maybe talk her up to Paul when you see him.

likipie's avatar

Ok, one; it’s obviously not a “stupid reason” to her, she’s very upset by it. It could just be that some people told her that you said yes and she thinks it’s true. It could also be because he asked you out instead of her so she’s extremely jealous (been there before). The only way to approach her is to tell her that you didn’t say yes, and if needed, bring this Paul fellow in to vouch for you. If she’s a good friend, she’ll get over it. Plus, if she likes him that much then she needs to tell him. He can’t read minds so how is he ever supposed to figure out that she likes him?? As for the other people in school; they don’t really matter. They can think what they want, it still doesn’t change the truth. Good luck!

Inspired_2write's avatar

It is your business not hers to interfere in your relationships.
Boundaries are with friends too.

Inspired_2write's avatar

Also some guys want girls as friends and others as more than friends( to use).

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