Social Question

partyrock's avatar

NSFW Is there a way I can tell I am "loose" down there? What if the guy doesn't "measure up" down there? 2 part question?

Asked by partyrock (3858 points ) January 2nd, 2012

It’s going to be the first sexual encounter since by breakup this is why I’m concerned.

I was so used to being with my ex that I feel a little nervous and intimidated about being in a sexual relationship again.

I’m scared of being “loose” down there… this is a serious question.. Not because I’ve slept around a lot, but because my ex boyfriend was really big down there. The last time I slept with my ex was about 5 months ago. But the time in our relationship (a year and a half) we had A LOT of sex. I’m self conscious now that I might be looser down there.. I don’t know why and it makes me feel totally crazy to think/feel this way. I’m going to be sleeping with a guy and I’m nervous about whether he is going to be big or not down there either.
If he does have a small penis I’m not sure whether to just fake it…....... or go with the flow…. I’m insecure about what he will feel too…

I want this to be a really good experience and I’m concerned about these body issues. In one of my previous postings I was really concerned about my body weight too… I told the guy and he was a real sweetheart about it. He told me not to worry about that.

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35 Answers

trailsillustrated's avatar

Oh please. Do your kegels. It’s really elastic. You all need to smoke a little weed and have some good music. Quit worrying about this type of thing. And maybe a little martini. Try to get out of your head when it happens, and just go with it. If it hurts, stop and go another way. If you are having a good time with him as people, the sex thing just kinda happens. It’ll be ok, @partyrock , now put on your lacey big girl panties and go for it.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I am not sure if there is a way you can tell, but I don’t think you should worry about it. That guy is right. Even if you are, does it really matter? He probably wants you to be able to enjoy yourself instead of worrying about trivial things like that. :)

As for your fears, they’re normal. Don’t let them get you down! You can get through this.

judochop's avatar

If its like feeding a tic tac to a whale or throwing a hot dog down a hallway or it echoes when spoke close to then you are loose down there but seeing as nine pound babies can slip out of there and then two days later barely a couple of fingers I’d say you’re fine. You over think this shit. You were an Army girl right? Buck up.

trailsillustrated's avatar

hehehe we always have @judochop there you go

everephebe's avatar

Being nervous can make you tight. Problem solved.
Oh yeah, or you could skip foreplay! That will make you nice and tight!

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

It’s a myth that sleeping around or sleeping with someone well endowed will make you “loose.” They’re meant to stretch.
Most of us use the muscles that do the “gripping” on a regular basis without even thinking about it, during sex and while using the bathroom, and if you don’t do kegels, no harm in starting now. These things all strengthen the muscles that give that tightness.You actually loosen up when you’re aroused, to accommodate penetration, so that would only make you normal.
These are muscles. They don’t just billow out like an old balloon from being used. How many muscles in your body are weaker from being used? I agree with those above, don’t worry so much.

augustlan's avatar

Um, I’ve had three kids, vaginally. There is no way your ex’s penis is bigger than a baby. Trust me on this, it’ll be fine. :p

AshLeigh's avatar

Haha. I feel awkward answering this question.
I’m pretty sure if you got “loose” so easily, no one would have more than one child.
It goes back to normal after childbirth. So it goes back to normal after intercourse with.. Larger men. XD

Judi's avatar

FYI, you’re designed to be able to push out a baby and shrink back. I’m guessing you’re ex wasn’t as big as a baby.

marinelife's avatar

You are designed to stretch to accommodate, and then return to normal. it is not possible for your boyfriend to have stretched you so much. If you are worried about tighness do kegel exercises.

tedd's avatar

I wouldn’t worry about it that much, from a guys prospective.

Of the women I’ve been with sexually (maybe 20 and some change all sex acts together), only one or two were any “tighter” than the others.. and from what I understand that tightness can actually lead to quite a bit of discomfort for the girl. The “tightness” has been pretty much the same with all the rest (and that includes multiple virgins, and several girls who had been “around the block” a few times).

It “re-tightens” over time from inactivity, or exercises (kegels like someone suggested), etc.

I highly doubt you have anything to worry about.

blueiiznh's avatar

Don’t worry about it. Tighter is not always better.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Dave Barry had the best comment ever on women’s fears. He was commenting on something in Cosmopolitan and he said “Ladies, relax, most guys don’t think about much other than you’re there with us. That’s good enough for us” Don’t overthink it. Relax.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

@tedd Interesting post. I wish I was looser. Maybe sex wouldn’t hurt as much then. :)

gailcalled's avatar

You do find a lot to worry about, don’t you? Have you solved the false eyelash dilemma yet?

To thine (that means “you”) own self be true. Perhaps you need to work on why you are so self-conscious about almost everything and need to fret your young life away?

Look at all those “is it crazy, “is it normal,” “is it wrong,” “is it natural,’ questions you ask.

XOIIO's avatar

Put both your hands in. If you can clap it’s too loose.

everephebe's avatar

@XOIIO Why would you even say that?

XOIIO's avatar

@everephebe Well I imagine if you can clap it’s too loose

lol I heard it on 22 minutes once XD

everephebe's avatar

@XOIIO clearly you have no future in the field of gynecology.

AshLeigh's avatar

^^ LAWL! If you can clap.
Best answer ever.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

It’s a muscle and it’s made to stretch and go back. You’re fine, quit worrying.

digitalimpression's avatar

If him being small “down there” is going to have you faking it than do this guy a favor and leave him so he can find someone who isn’t so worried about it.

wundayatta's avatar

I can understand you being anxious for the first time after you were with your ex. Sounds like you didn’t really want to leave him and perhaps now you will be comparing the new guy to the old one? Yes. It sounds like you are (rightfully) worried about making comparisons.

You can relax about that. You will be comparing. It’s natural and it’s ok.

Having said that, you do want to focus on your new guy, and not on communing with ghosts while you are with new guy. To that end, you want to have an experience which makes it easy to forget about your past.

In fact, I would say that if you do not naturally find yourself forgetting about your ex; if you are not totally naturally drawn into your experience with the new guy, then you have no business going any further.

This is the point of romance—to get you out of your head, and into your body. You need to become fully present, without all the mind games. If your partner is truly into you, and if you are doing fun stuff, then you will be drawn totally into him, and you will not have a single thought for any of this stuff in this question. It will all be irrelevant. You will be lost in his eyes and, as the the cliche goes, “one thing will lead to another.”

But if things don’t lead one to the next, then don’t go to the next thing. You won’t be doing anyone any favors. Just stay in yourself. Be comfortable. If you are watching and worrying, you are not ready for the next step and you shouldn’t take it.

In all of this, be honest with your partner about where you are at. Hopefully he will care. Hopefully he will go at the right pace to get you out of your head (and clothes) and into your body, without you even being aware that one thing is leading to another. Good luck.

partyrock's avatar

Thanks everyone, I feel much better and less worried about this. I do worry about.

partyrock's avatar

@gailcalled – I am diagnosed with PTSD, when I was in the Army. Then I got into a really bad relationship that was really traumatizing. I’ve been working on myself a lot. I do worry a lot, I’m insecure, and very self conscious, especially about myself, my body, sex, relationships, etc. I’ve been through a lot(like everyone else). I feel really positive though I’m making progress.

That’s why I love Fluther so much because I can ask questions and not feel judged about it.

partyrock's avatar

@wundayatta Thank you so much for your answer, it made me feel calmer.

partyrock's avatar

@trailsillustrated – That’s what me and him are going to do :) He’s very awesome. I just worry way too much. I even told him I’m concerned about my body weight and he said to not worry, that he still thinks i’m hot, etc,. So I’m excited about tonight.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Your vagina retains its ‘tightness’ despite being with people who are large…I mean I delivered large babies vaginally and my vagina is as tight as ever..

Neizvestnaya's avatar

There are mini dumbells for doing kegels with, some made out of steel and some of plastic or silicone, they kind of look like fingers. The idea is if you can grip and hold one of these gizmos then you are plenty tight even for a teensy winkie.

Lady bits are phenomenally resilient and impressive, you just need to see some proof and find your sexual confidence. If your mind is thinking about these things during sex? Bad girl.~

majorrich's avatar

It seems to me if you was too loose down there, you woud have to be careful taking big steps lest your innards fall out

AnonymousWoman's avatar

^ I could not help but laugh out loud at that comment. GA!

wilma's avatar

Can you keep a tampon in? If you can then you are just fine.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@majorrich LMAO. How did you come up with that idea?

majorrich's avatar

My mind is a great cesspool and stuff bubbles to the top. It seems the natural place for guts to fall out if it got too loose.

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