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partyrock's avatar

NSFW What is the difference between making love and..... ?

Asked by partyrock (3865 points ) March 11th, 2012

What is the difference between making love with someone, or just fucking, or having sex ?

Is just having sex, all lust?

Does making love mean having feelings for the person? What is the difference?

Can you make love with someone but not be IN love with them… ?

Does making love mean more kissing, hugging, cuddling, and being close together?

Not to be totally blunt but I feel Fluther is a place I can freely ask questions and be open without being judged. I was with a guy and we did the….deed… and It felt like we were making love…. It was really intense, passionate, slow, and had emotion and depth. We kissed a lot, and did a lot of holding the kiss and pausing, and being really close together. Cuddling, hugging, and he kissed me on my forehead, and my shoulder, stuff like that. Even afterwards we laid in bed together, naked and talked for a bit. And on the way home we were holding hands in the car.

So how do we know the difference?

Because I know you can have sex with someone you are in love with, but not really “make love”, and you can make love with someone you don’t like (but just have it as a really passionate moment). I think we made love, I’m pretty sure we didn’t just fuck.

So is there a difference you see? Is this different for all people?

What do you consider to be making love?

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20 Answers

chewhorse's avatar

When making love, it just happens. When having sex, there’s always a plan.

partyrock's avatar

@chewhorse – Interesting way of putting it, I never looked at it that way.

ragingloli's avatar

“making love” is a euphemism for “fucking”. The difference is mere pretense.

marinelife's avatar

It means that you have feelings for the person and that the act is part of those feelings.

Thammuz's avatar

It means whatever you want it to mean. There is no actual consensus. Some people have a more romanticised idea of sex and have to treat it differently basing themselves on whether there is an emotional commitment behind it or not, other feel it can be separate regardless or that it can’t be separated at all and therefore see no reason to call it differently.

Personally, i see sex as a demonstration of affection and a way to have fun with someone at the same time. I see no reason to call it “making love”.

Cruiser's avatar

Making love often involves being in love and sharing emotions and feelings…deep feelings of attachment to the person you are making love with.

Fucking is simply masturbation with another human. Fucking and making love are worlds apart.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@partyrock Look at your last topic (team). When the sum of the two of you is bigger than the parts, and you always have each other’s backs and you care deeply for each other, that’s making love.. Anyone can fuck, making love is something special.

HungryGuy's avatar

I think there’s a difference between fucking and making love. One isn’t quite a euphemism for the other. Fucking is (NSFW) [removed by Fluther moderators]. But making love is a romantic candlelight dinner, followed by a bubble bath for two surrounded by scented candles, followed by, well, fucking…

mazingerz88's avatar

Making love is sharing the joys of sex with someone you feel could be the one person to share your life with. Making love is when you do end up sharing years, experiences, joys and pains with such a person.

Making love is eventually discovering there are times you don’t feel like making love with him, yet you choose to stand by him through thick and thin. Because you know he would do the same for you or maybe he won’t yet you still want to “make love’ with him. Unconditionally. Now that. Is bloody romantic.

Fucking. Well, there are extremely pleasurable joys to behold in fucking. Physical. If you could take so much of it without annihilating your sense of self-worth and avoiding all sorts of disease. I think it’s good. But still. Between two people fucking and two dogs screwing, sometimes there isn’t much difference. Lol.

ucme's avatar

There’s no difference, not really. Okay “making love” sounds a whole lot more romantic than “fucking/shagging/banging/humping” but it all amounts to the same, namely penetrative sex.

fundevogel's avatar

My mother pretty much refuses to call sex anything other than “making love”. To her “fucking”, “screwing” or just plain old “having sex” implies meaningless sex or sex for sex’ sake. That is something she does not approve of. By using the euphemism “making love” she identifies the sex in question as an act of love with a person she is committed to. Essentially, to her making love is acceptable sex and everything else is a questionable undertaking if not down right dirty-dirty.

Personally, I completely avoid the phrase making love as I think it’s naive and unhealthy to grant certain variations of sexual congress such a pedestal. That and its so much more fun to have a roll in the hay or a tumble in the jungle.

It’s killing me a little to see a redaction in @HungryGuy‘s post. I’m pretty much certain anything he wrote couldn’t live up to the intrigue created by redacting it.

filmfann's avatar

Making love is the acme of an emotional attachment with someone.
Sport fucking is getting your rocks off.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

you really do have a one-track mind This is not a person attack—it is my observation.

If you don’t know the difference, you are too young to be doing it.

partyrock's avatar

Molly what do you mean I have a one track mind?

partyrock's avatar

I do know the difference but I want to know what other peoples opinions are. Obviously if a girl fucks some random guy at a party while drunk, and has a one night stand, then that wouldn’t be considered making love.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@partyrock You don’t think someone could really connect the first time they meet? Unusual yes. But I’ve connected with a few people like that.

partyrock's avatar

Adirondackwannabe—Of course I think they can, absolutely. And like wise people can be together for a long time and not have the connection… I guess I explained it wrong to Molly, that was a bad example. I do know the difference is what I was telling her. I should of worded it different lol.

partyrock's avatar

Molly one more thing, a lot of people don’t “know” the difference between making love and sex, a lot of adults don’t. It’s not for you to say who and who shouldn’t have sex. That is something you would say to a child, not adults.

Response moderated (Flame-Bait)
wundayatta's avatar

@partyrock You know the difference. I can tell from the way you talk about it.

What surprises me is how many other people don’t know the difference. I think people tend to get divorced from their emotions. A lot of it comes from having bad luck in love, or worse, from not being raised to understand what love is by parents who know what it is, themselves.

I think a lot of people try to divorce sex from emotions, like it’s a sport, almost. They come to think it’s all about technique, but the truth, I believe, is that when people get close to each other, no matter how much they may deny it, they are looking for something much deeper than an orgasm that results from mutual masturbation.

Rubbing bodies together means something Seeing someone else’s eyes, and kissing or touching all express feelings. They are all gifts to another person, whether the other person gets them or not. Simply being there, and opening your legs to let a guy enter you, or the guy being there and achieving an erection to enter you—that’s more than just sex, even though so many people try to divorce themselves from that reality.

I believe people all seek “connection.” Not sure how to define that, but it has a lot to do with not feeling alone. With feeling understood at some deep level. Known, perhaps. Even loved.

Maybe it’s built into us genetically. Maybe it’s a kind of chemical thing. But we also make it into something meaningful because that’s what we humans do. We make meaning.

Making love is about making meaning. It’s about building a connection and, hopefully, expressing the deep feelings you have that can not be expressed in words or any other way. The ecstasy we feel through the sensations and the orgasm are the physical analogy of the wonderfulness of that connection.

Having sex is about trying to have ecstatic sensations without all the rest. It is a cynical or hopeless gesture made by people who, I believe, have given up hope for themselves. They don’t think love is possible and so this is the next best thing. It’s too hard to trust someone enough to be vulnerable enough to connect, so instead they put a barrier across the road to the other person and they tell themselves, sex is enough. sex feels good enough. It is the best we can get, so let’s just stick there and leave it at that and yes, elevate it to a sport… a competition.

Because, as a a compitition, we can rank everyone on how good a lover they are, and in doing so, dehumanize them. It’s no longer about building a connection or making love; it’s about seeing how well we can punch someone else’s buttons, and how well they punch ours. Who gives the best head? That’s the lover for me. Who has the biggest dick? That’s the lover for me.

I say this with sadness and compassion, I hope. I am not judging. I don’t think people get to this position without being hurt an awful lot, and I think that for some people, it makes sense to give up on love and accept sex instead. It’s better than nothing.

But it is very sad, I think. Sex can be so much more. It is the door to connection. It is the way we know we are not alone. We are connected in some completely visceral way that is beyond words. We feel it so powerfully. To have given up hope for that; to even deny that exists—to say it is just a fantasy—it just so terribly sad.

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