Social Question

rachelmachel's avatar

My ex boyfriend is being a little confusing (with teasing me playfully) can someone decipher whats going on?

Asked by rachelmachel (5 points ) April 8th, 2012

My ex boyfriend I dated for 2.5 months broke up with me 2 months ago, but claimed he still wanted to be friends. We are both in high school, and we share the same extra-curricular activities, therefore I see him very often. he calls me “midget” ( some other friends do too, I am 5’0) and teases me a whole lot. We are in trivia together, and I answered a pop culture question. He said “because that’s all she’s good for” with a smile on his face. We say the same thing at the same time a whole lot (its so often its disturbing) or I say something and he’s says the same thing after I do. He also pretends like he’s going to hit me with things,(chairs, books, etc.) but when I said “I know where you’re ticklish” he stopped for the day. He also play fights. He doesn’t tease his other friends like he teases me (we have MANY mutual friends). I asked him to pass me chips and he ignored me, but then our mutual friend asked (who was sitting to my right so my ex passed the chips to him.And other times, he seems so distant when I am in the room. Any idea what could be going on? Possibly inner conflict?

We broke up because I claimed I loved him. He’s never had a girlfriend before me; he’s also a bit anti social; (some believe he has a bit of aspergers, he tries to avoid anything public, he tilts his head while talking and can only make eye contant with certain people) he’s also going to college & has never really gotten close to anyone like me. We were also each others first kiss, and we cuddled A LOT.
I wrote him a letter confessing my feelings for him; he also behaved a little more distant after our first kiss. He told me he had a great time being with me at my house, but he suddenly just slowly seemed to back away a little I guess. I told him this in the letter, with all my confusion. two days later without any text or call, he broke up with me at robotics saying “You are taking this to a level of intimacy I never intended to get to…I’m sorry Rachel..You’re a good person.. we can still be friends.” and he hugged me. I told him “You know we don’t have to be that serious at all..” and he just shook his head kind of

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16 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

He’s 17 or 18 years old and has no idea how to behave with a girl, so he is doing his best as he goes along. He was honest in his response, he probably felt way over his head when you wrote him.

You are probably much more mature than he is, and he is trying to figure things out. So, sorry he isn’t your boyfriend now, but let him learn how to act around girls.

Ela's avatar

The way he is treating you is plain shitty and completely unacceptable no matter his age.
Don’t ever let a man treat you that way. Ever. Walk away now and don’t look back.
Give yourself a day to cry over him then be done with him totally.

marinelife's avatar

Why do you care? Do you still have feelings for him?

I think that way lies heartache.

I would try not to be around him as much. If he seems to follow you, then ask him if he still has feelings for you, because you are confused by his behavior.

janbb's avatar

Cold feet but likes you. You came on too strong and he backed away.

john65pennington's avatar

I concur with Zenvelo. Hear Hear!

wundayatta's avatar

He likes you. He is being friendly with you. But that’s it. He has no interest in a serious relationship. There could be a thousand reasons for that. But he is going away to college and it would be smart of him to not get anything serious going before he leaves.

But all’s fair in love and war. If you love him, you love him. You could go for broke and throw yourself into spending time with him in the hopes that he will fall in love back. The chances of this are very small. But you’d probably survive the heartbreak. Probably.

So if you’re into taking risks, then go for it. Try to snag him. Just don’t expect to be successful. He likes you and he seems to have greater control of his emotions than you do. He won’t let himself really like you. But you’re in high school and it’s practice time. Consider this a lesson of some kind. Follow your feelings. Just expect to be hurt, perhaps badly.

Ela's avatar

Seriously? She should stay and go for it? He make comments like “that’s all she’s good for”, pretends like he’s going to hit her with things,(chairs, books, etc.), and ignores her but acknowledges someone who is sitting to her right…... and that’s all okay?
It’s okay for someone to pretend they are going to hit you?

Sunny2's avatar

He’s acting like a 6th grader. Give him time to grow up a bit. Stay friends with him if you like, but don’t expect anything more. (You can love a friend and not expect it to go anywhere.) Keep in touch and check where he is when he’s 20.

josie's avatar

Happens all the time in high school. He’s just not that into you.

zenvelo's avatar

@EnchantingEla He’s not a man, he’s a boy. And he’s not chasing her, he’s trying to figure out how to be friendly but not encouraging. She’s still interested in him.

wundayatta's avatar

@EnchantingEla Did you not read the first part of my sentence? “If you’re into taking risks?” Did you not read the second sentence? My warning that she’s unlikely to get him into a relationship with her? Come on! Please read all that I write. Don’t take three words out of context.

As to you question about whether it’s ok for someone to pretend to hit you, I’m afraid I can’t make a generalized rule about that. It all depends on the context. Sometimes people play. Mostly it’s play. I suppose in some cased pretending to hit is a sign of barely withheld serious aggression. But I’m not there and I’m in no position to make that call, and neither are you.

You might not have anything to do with this boy. I might not have anything to do with this boy. But that doesn’t mean that’s the right choice for the OP.

GladysMensch's avatar

My guess: he likes you, is attracted to you, probably fantasizes about you, and would love to have something fun prior to college. However, you told him that you love him (nothing wrong with that BTW) and that’s a serious statement. You can’t just erase that with words like “we don’t have to be that serious”, because it already is serious. You love him. Suddenly, this fun, exciting, little fling had much deeper meaning than he realized. He knows that he doesn’t love you, is leaving for college, and doesn’t want to crush you. He’s trying to be a good guy.

You’re young, so I feel it is my duty to tell you that “we can still be friends” is code for “We are no longer in a relationship, and my feelings for you are considerably less than yours are for me. I don’t hate you, and I don’t even dislike you. I pity you.” Sorry.

rachelmachel's avatar

@EnchantingEla

I don’t think he does it to necessarily be cruel myself, but where you think he could be, is very understandable.
@Sunny2 He is very immature; his mom still makes his lunches(hes 18!)

@wundayatta yes, that is a very possible and reasonable answer :)
if he didn’t “like” me, just in general as a person, I would know. I was a great friend to him beforehand also, so I don’t see why we couldn’t be friends again. He told me himself awhile back that the first friend he ever made was in second grade, and he was often bullied throughout middle school. Mark (his name)told me that hes only had a few best friends, and that I was one of them because I was so nice to him.
He never told me why he liked me so much he just shrugged “um, I don’t know I just really like you…you’re nice to me.”

Ela's avatar

I guess I didn’t realize him being younger made a huge difference, my apologies @zenvelo .
I read every word you wrote @wundayatta. Thank you for asking.

Sorry for my misunderstandings @rachelmachel. Hope all works out well for you : )

rachelmachel's avatar

@EnchantingEla I thank you for your help and support :)

dabbler's avatar

Sounds like he’s uncomfortable with a closer relationship at this time, also typically clumsy high-school relationship skills.
And if he does have something like Aspergers he may not be capable of more.
I say good on him for being honest with you, take it at face value.
Sounds like he can be a good friend, just don’t ask him to do/be something that he cannot.

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