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15acrabm's avatar

My mom is hypocritical and often unfair. What can I do?

Asked by 15acrabm (512 points ) June 15th, 2012

First of all let me say that I’m a pretty good kid in general. I don’t do drugs, smoke, or drink. I get good grades. I don’t lie, sneak, or steal. I do have my moments of rudeness towards my parents, of course, (I mean, seriously, what teenager doesn’t?), but all and all I’m a pretty obedient kid. The problem is that my mom has some habits that make it extremely difficult for me to get along with her at all. We get in some serious fights sometimes.
For example, my mom has this crazy obsession over interrupting. She hates it when anyone interrupts her, which seems completely understandable. The only problem is she has this annoying habit of talking for ten minutes at a time and not letting anyone get a word out. As frustrating as it is, I follow her no interrupting under any circumstances rule. The irritating thing is that she doesn’t hold herself to the same rules as she holds me. She interrupts me all the time! When I point it out to her she says she doesn’t care about the rule and what she has to say is really important! When I still refuse to let her talk she grounds me for back talking. It is absolutely ridiculous!
Another major thing she does is that she constantly comments on my weight. I’m five four and 115 pounds and considerably muscular, so I consider myself I fine weight. Apparently my mother doesn’t agree. She keeps telling me that I’m eating too much and getting fat. Then, when I end up leaving a few bites on my dinner plate because I’m full, she accuses me of being anorexic and starts yelling at me!
What should I do deal with/ stop this irritating behavior?

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9 Answers

King_Pariah's avatar

I lived under a similar roof. My mother is fairly hypocritical (she has the same interruption shebang going on where she tells my brothers and me not to interrupt others but she goes and interrupts others whenever because she feels what she has to say is more important than what anyone else has to say. Another point of my mother’s is that she preaches anti-racism but she assumes that all black people are out to either rob, rape, or kill you and did her best not to let any of us have black friends) and the only thing I was able to figure out on how to handle it is to simply live with it until you can get out and about and away. Your mother, my mother, they are who they are and if my mother is anything to go by when judging your mother, it’ll take nothing short of a tragedy/miracle to get them to change into a not so hypocritical individual. Just take a deep breathe, and push on. It won’t be much longer til you can get a convenient distance between yourself and her to minimize such interactions.

Judi's avatar

You will not change her, but she will probably be a lot more tolerable when you don’t live under her roof. How old are you?

15acrabm's avatar

I’m almost out of the house. Just a few more years. THANK GOD

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

A belated welcome to Fluther, and welcome to adulthood!

As we each learn that we have differing opinions than our parents, it becomes a mental tug-of-war on whether to stick to your ground or let it go. So, let’s break this down by the different examples given.

The Interruptions You know her rules. The options are to either accept it and let it go or address it. If you choose the latter, here are some recommendations.
– Find a time where you aren’t in the middle of a discussion and ask her if she would be open to hearing about how you feel about a specific concern you are experiencing.
– Start it off with positive, sincere feedback, like “I love you Mom and would like your advice on how to best handle a situation.”
– Explain the situation. Use phrases like, “When I am interrupted, this is how it makes me feel. What should I do about it?” Focus on your feelings. Avoid using words like ‘but’ and ‘however’. It negates any statement that comes before it. If possible, avoid using ‘you’. It will put her on the defense.
– If it comes to a point where you can say that this is how you feel when she does it to you, ask her if there is some sort of private signal that you two could use to alert the other to the fact that it is happening.
– No matter what she says, stay calm and thank her for her thoughts.

Weight In this situation, I would just ignore her comments. Your weight is healthy, if not on the slender side for your height and what I assume to be your BMI. If anything, insist on serving up your own plate of food so that you can control the amount and variety that you wish to eat.

Please let us know what action you decide to take and how it pans out. If anything, you have found a relatively safe haven to vent your frustrations and get some sympathy.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@15acrabm Are you the oldest female child or the first child?

roundsquare's avatar

Nothing you can do. Everyone is hypocritical about some stuff. I’d say let her be herself and keep reminding yourself that you are actually being the better person for it. It will be frustrating sometimes but if you can get yourself to that mental place, you will be a much stronger person and able to deal with the world much more easily.

15acrabm's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe I am actually an only child. Which probably explains a lot. @Pied_Pfeffer Thank you for that advice. Especially the one about my weight. That seems like a logical and simple way to avoid the conflict.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@15acrabm I have two other siblings, my sister is the oldest. She and my mother have some wacked interactions going on. You have the worst of both worlds.

AshlynM's avatar

Maybe write your mom a heartfelt letter about how you feel. Also, ask her in the letter if you two can have a heart to heart talk. Ask her if she could really listen to you, instead of interrupting you and not letting you speak. Tell her that the things she says to you really hurt your feelings. Sometimes if you can’t verbally tell a person how you feel, writing them a letter is perfectly fine.

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