Social Question

snapdragon24's avatar

How do you reject someone?

Asked by snapdragon24 (1587 points ) July 22nd, 2012 from iPhone

Hey guys, ever find yourself in a situation where you just dont feel the same about someone and they just dont get it? How do you go about getting the message through? What if its a friend of yours?

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15 Answers

josie's avatar

You look them in the eye and say “I just don’t feel the same. Sorry. If we can be friends then I would like that. If we cannot, then I understand.”
Not that difficult.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

When I was 18, there was a guy I had a huge crush on. When we met, we became friends, and while I knew that he was engaged, I couldn’t help how I felt. One day, while we were working on a project together, he said, “You remind me so much of my sister. From now on, I’m going to refer to you as Little Sis.” And he did.

He obviously picked up on my feelings. It was a wonderfully kind way of telling me that he didn’t feel the same way.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer Very nice. I liked that answer.

blueiiznh's avatar

Its not about rejecting them, it is about being honest with them.
No funny or fake stories. They simply need to know the truth. Think about what you would want if the roles were reversed.

linguaphile's avatar

Each and every time I wasn’t honest and upfront, I ended up being the one who got hurt. Worrying about hurting their feelings, trying to drop hints and sidestepping the truth is an equation for disaster, from my experience. Say something, anything, and be upfront about it.

You can be tactful and say things like, “I really cherish our friendship, let’s keep it that way.” One thing I said in the past was, “I’d rather keep our friendship intact than try anything and ruin it.”

Pandora's avatar

If I was in a relationship at the time, I simply would brag about the other person till they figured out they didn’t have a snowballs chance in hell. If I was single at time, I would go on and on about how I am really enjoying being single with absolutely no anchor to keep me from my dreams and how relaxing it is not having to consider anyone else in my decisions. How I was totally going to be self centered and to heck with any guy who thinks he’s going to try and interrupt my dream, no matter how hot or smart he is.

Jenniehowell's avatar

When you give them your number make sure it’s actually the number to something like the Reject Hotline When they call the number it is usually a message that tells them very clearly why they got that number. The audio goes on for a bit with a variety of comments that make things very clear such as “the person who gave you this number would rather play leap frog with a unicorn” than go out with you. etc. etc.

augustlan's avatar

Kindly and honestly.

Buttonstc's avatar

@Jenniehowell

Wow, thats pretty cold. I could see myself using that if the other person were being a stalkers jerk type because chances are I would have started with simple honesty and that was being totally ignored by the other person.

But I get the impression from the OP that thats unlikely the case here. Shes just feeling a by overwhelmed or uncertain about what yo do next. Simple kind honesty should get the job done. No need to resort to being purposely unkind.

I think the Reject Hotline may have its place in extreme cases but no need to use a grenade launcher or submachine gun when a bb gun gets the job done just as well.

Just be honest and factual with him. Most guys know what it means when someone just wants to be friends. And who knows, after the sting has worn off and hes had time to get over it, he may end up turning into a friend. And we could all use one more truly caring friend in our life.

Jenniehowell's avatar

@Buttonstc youre right it’s a bit cold – I don’t think I’d actually use the reject hotline on a friend or someone already in my life. In a case like that i’d have to likely explain the feelings very bluntly – ask them to explain to me
why they aren’t getting it – give them full explanation of the behaviors from them
which were making me uncomfortable/feel like they don’t get it & then tell them that now that I’ve made everything crystal clear if they continue to have lapses or confusions with reality I’d be cutting off my relationship completely.

I had a friend who used to use the reject line when we were
young & stupid & out at the clubs etc where random guys would hit on her. It was funny when we were young & stupid but in general the reject line is just that young & stupid.

snapdragon24's avatar

@Jenniehowell I think thats a good way to go about it…but yeh…my situation is this: basically I have a friend who came to visit me this Friday. Originally he wasnt supposed to come alone. I was expecting another good friend to come along with him…and as you might have guessed…that friend wasnt able to come. I hadn’t seen the both of them in three years…and I was happy enough that one was coming to visit. Anyway… when I was young and careless just wanting to have a good time…he usually would end up being my makeout partner (nothing more) at student parties. I was 18 at the time…now Im 24…I would think he was old enough now to grasp the signs that it was just a good DRUNKEN old time and thats that. Anyway, I never took those moments seriously and well…he never got over those moments at all…EVER. As the years have gone by I thought I made it quite clear that I wasnt in my ‘wild’ phase anymore…hinting that I wasn’t interested…ignored his comments on the student nights we had…and when he showed up this Friday…he got super drunk, wanted to throw himself at me…he would get down on his knees and kissed my hand in public (he did that about 5 times)...bombarded me with 50 million compliments, stuck his head in my neck to kiss it whenever he could…and to top it all…a guy I actually like was there watching…then when we got home, he was mad that we didn’t even makeout…yet for some reason he thought it was ok to ask me to ‘shower’ with him???? I went straight up to my room and let him pass out in the guest room. RELIEF that was. Following morning he wakes me up by jumping into my bed with his boxers… and pretty much wants to grind up against me…I have my back to him…I try to avoid face contact and I made it clear that I didnt want to kiss him. Meanwhile he tried everything to get me to turn around…I’m actually feeling a bit pissed off just by typing this up. Urghhh….I think I’ll just go with what @josie said. It’s just…maybe he is inlove and I guess I know its tough when your being rejected by someone you wish you had…so thats why its a bit delicate…but time for me to man up I guess.

Jenniehowell's avatar

Good idea – of course he can blame some of that on his drunken state but you’re right – ya gotta let him know in the most clear way possible & go from there.

Supacase's avatar

You are a patient friend; he sounds like a creep, I would tell him “Stop. This is getting too aggressive, youre going too far, and I’m just not into it.”

You said you hadn’t seen him in three years? Any chance he’ll be going away again soon?

snapdragon24's avatar

He came for the night! He lives in a neighboring country in a city that is practically a two hour away drive. Thank god for that.

Shippy's avatar

No contact, none at all.

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