General Question

Tiesha154587's avatar

What if the person you are dating is 15 and your 18?

Asked by Tiesha154587 (87 points ) September 10th, 2012

You’ve been dating for a year now, you don’t kiss, go out on dates etc. But you go to the same church and his mom doesn’t really talk to you, at church etc. What should i do?

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28 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

In many states, if the 18 year old lays a hand on the 15 year old in a sexual way, it is statutory rape.

At that age, a three year difference is like night and day. My advice is to wait three years and see if it is still true love.

XOIIO's avatar

move to Canada, no problem hee, but in the states, hell no.

tedd's avatar

There are some serious grammar errors in that post that bother me… but….

Don’t keep the relationship a secret. The parents should know about it or there could be trouble thanks to the age issue. Besides most loving parents are supportive of a healthy relationship at that age.

gailcalled's avatar

@tedd:Not to mention spelling.

If you don’t go out on dates, how can you call it dating?

Tiesha154587's avatar

But she does know about it, she just stop talking to me when she know about it. We don’t anything. We don’t even kiss. But we really like each other alot and it’s been a year since we been together.

Tiesha154587's avatar

Well his mom won’t let him go out with me.

Nullo's avatar

Maybe you should get to the bottom of why his mom doesn’t like you. Maybe she doesn’t want her son dating older women.

For contrast, my grandmother was 14 and grandfather 20 when they met at a church picnic. They dated (particulars unknown) for four years and then got married.

Afos22's avatar

Are you sure you are “together” and she doesn’t see you as just a friend?

gailcalled's avatar

If I had a fifteen-year old son (read boy), I would not want him to be dating a woman of 18.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Ew….

Age/2+7= youngest datable age without being creepy. And ALWAYS round up.

xkcd always relevant.

marinelife's avatar

What is the law in your state regarding consent? Unless it is OK for 18-year-olds to date 15-year-olds, you need to stay away or your risk a sexual assault charge. Do not think that being female will protect you.

Better break up with him now.

gailcalled's avatar

Does his mom know that you and your ex have been getting it on for the past year (…everytime that we hang out we get right to it.) That is not music to the ears of a mother of a fifteen -year old.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Brilliant… I dont even know why I end up clicking on relationship based questions anymore. They always turn out to be something retarded.

wundayatta's avatar

@uberbatman Hard as it may be to believe, some people really don’t know stuff that you think is basic. They may come from different backgrounds. They may be involved in these situations for the first time. If you can’t say something helpful, then be kind, and refrain from saying anything at all.

This person has a lot to learn, and wants to learn it. She doesn’t want to be told she is stupid for asking questions. She isn’t. She is doing her best to figure out how to behave well in this situation that is very difficult for her. Have a heart, please.

El_Cadejo's avatar

@wundayatta Its pretty stupid when you can’t figure out why your boyfriends mom doesnt like you if you’ve been fucking your ex for the past year while with him.

Kardamom's avatar

Yikes! I didn’t realize that this was the same person who was still having sex with her ex boyfriend while claiming to have this 15 year old boy as her current boyfriend

It sounds like the OP and her “boyfriend” are not really in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship of the usual kind. Since they aren’t allowed to date (because the young boy’s mom won’t allow it and they only see each other at church, I don’t think they are truly considered a couple.

Because the OP is over 18 (an adult) it seems a lot little odd to me that she would be interested in a 15 year old boy. In most states, sexual relationships between adults over the age of 18 and minors, anyone under age 18, is illegal. Even if the adult is a female.

I realize that the OP said she was not having sex with the 15 year old, but since she describes him as her boyfriend I can only guess that she would be having sex with him if she could. But it also blows my mind that she’s having sex with another guy who she describes as her ex-boyfriend and she can’t seem to get that guy to leave her alone. Do we know how old that fellow is?

This whole situation is unfortunate on so many levels. I think the OP needs our help, but I’m not exactly sure where to start. I guess I will ask her some questions and maybe we can go from there. And maybe she can give us some more insight as to what’s going on.

@Tiesha154587 Why are you, as an adult woman, persuing a 15 year old child?

Why do you consider the 15 year old boy to be your “boyfriend” when you aren’t allowed to date him and you are still having sex with your ex boyfriend?

Can you understand why a mother would not want her 15 year old child, male or female, to date an adult? Three years age difference is not an issue when you are 35 and he is 32. There is a huge emotional/mental gap between someone who is 18 and someone who is 15.

Do you have a difficulty making or staying within acceptable social boundaries? I’m really more concerned about the fact that you say your ex-boyfriend pressures you to have sex and you give in. Has he ever raped, or tried to rape you?

I’m guessing that you are in high school because you spoke of the homecoming dance. Can you make an appointment to speak with your school counselor about this whole situation? Do you have any trusted adults you can talk to? Maybe a parent, a cousin, an aunt, a pastor, a youth counselor?

I dont want to make light of your feelings our your situation, but it seems like you are really treading in dangerous waters right now. How can we help you?

flo's avatar

It is natural and the right thing for a mom not to appove an 18 year old dating her son. It is in the illegal territory, and there is good reason for that.
The only posts I see from you are your OP and post 5 and post 6.by the way

ADDED: And you’re not dating him if you’re not doing anything.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
El_Cadejo's avatar

When that someone is still a child, yes, yes you are wrong.

wundayatta's avatar

Sometimes you feel close to someone, and that they really understand you. Later on, when the relationship is over, you look back and wonder how could you have felt you were understood.

You can’t really know if you are right or wrong at the beginning of a relationship. Only time tells you what the truth is. So most people will wait. Six months. Maybe a year, if they can hold out that long. Just so they can make sure that their feelings will stand the test of time.

Of course, as you point out, we do have needs and desires, and when you are 18, those needs and desires are incredibly powerful, and for many, they are impossible to say no to. That’s why “just say no” campaigns are such a joke. The last thing most teens want is to say no. They want to say yes yes yes yes yes!

So, if you can’t say no, and if you can’t wait, then at least take precautions. Use condoms. Use other birth control in addition to condoms. Don’t use the withdrawal method. There is semen coming out of the penis even before the guy cums.

You sound lonely and like you want someone to love so very badly. Believe me, I am sympathetic. But try to go as slow as you can, and learn to know each other, and see if you still like each other after three months or six months or a year or even two. Try to wait as long as you can before you have sex. This is so you can know each other very well. This is so you can really trust each other. This is so you can avoid what happened with your ex, if possible.

flo's avatar

@Tiesha154587 15 and 18 is a no go zone he is a child you are an adult. That is all there is to it. What is the law in your state regarding consent? to repeat others who have asked this question already.

wundayatta's avatar

Maybe if she provides the state, someone would look up the law for her.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)
gailcalled's avatar

but the dating thing just kinda happen It doesn’t unless you abdicate free will and making your own informed decisions. Passion does not have to sweep you over the cataracts withotu a life jacket.
_

flo's avatar

@Tiesha154587 Imagine your parents were away let’s say, and if were left in charge of your 15 year old brother, would you be okay if he was being “chased” (for lack of a better word at the moment) by an 18 year old?

Tiesha154587's avatar

If he was being careful. Yeah.

Kardamom's avatar

And the collective places its hand on its forehead and sighs.

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