Social Question

Sunny2's avatar

Would you share your favorite opposite sex put downs or jokes?

Asked by Sunny2 (18696 points ) September 12th, 2012

This is a follow up to the question: “Are women psychic?” I’m saving mine for last. Let’s omit the dumb blonde jokes. Just make it men vs. women. Let’‘s have at it!

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39 Answers

Blackberry's avatar

I have a joke. Women’s rights.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Blackberry Way to wade right in.

Blackberry's avatar

Lol. Just having some inappropriate fun, sorry.

Michael_Huntington's avatar

This will not end well…

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Just have fun with it and don’t take it serious. :) And counterattacks from the ladies are encouraged. This could be fun.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Oh come on guys. What does it say on the bottom of the containers of most women’s products? Open other end.

Coloma's avatar

Hey, I LIKE blonde jokes as I AM a blonde. lol
I always joke about myself, ” left handed, right brained blonde” look out!
I drive like a blonde, I park like a blonde, and I cannot figure out blonde proof dumpsters.
That’s okay, because my brilliant side more than makes up for my ditzy side. ;-)

lout downs, oh my…so many to choose from, all those little heads doing the great big heads thinking. haha

Symbeline's avatar

I have a joke about my vagina, but nevermind, you’ll never get it.

NuclearWessels's avatar

Less bitchin’, more kitchen.

boxer3's avatar

@symbeline, haha!!!

Sunny2's avatar

Tsk! You’re all so timid! Here’s one to get you started:
Eve’s side of the story. 

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. ‘So, how is everything going?’ inquired God.

‘It is all so beautiful, God,’ she replied. ‘The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem. It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They’re a real pain,’ reported Eve. 

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc….......she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more ‘symmetrically balanced’. 

‘That’s a fair point,’ replied God, ‘But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.’ 

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. 

‘Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?’ 

‘Just fantastic,’ she replied, ‘But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.’ 

God thought for a moment and said, ‘You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let’s see….......where did I put the useless boob?’


Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?

Coloma's avatar

Well, as I always like to say ...I am more woman than you can handle and more man than you’ll ever be. lololol

Coloma's avatar

@Sunny2 Haha…well, it;s not Eves fault that Adam was so easily seduced. He didn’t have to take that apple, whatta puss! lol

ucme's avatar

Why do women have legs? Have you seen the mess snails leave behind!?!

Sunny2's avatar

@ucme Now isn’t that an equal opportunity joke?

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
“What setting do I use on the washing machine?”
“It depends,” I replied. “What does it say on your shirt?”
He yelled back, ” University of Oklahoma .”

Coloma's avatar

^ LOL. My ex once had a few too many at a chinese restaurant and after dinner he was looking over the receipt and exclaimed ” Chung Du, Chung Du! We didn’t order anything called Chung Du!”

He was reading the abbreviation on the receipt for * change due* aka Chg. due.
OMG! It was in that moment that I knew I had married beneath me. lol

tups's avatar

A sick person was in a hospital. The person needed a new brain. The person could either buy a woman’s brain for $20 or a man’s brain for $22.000. The person asked the doctor why the man’s brain was much more expensive than the woman’s. The doctor replied: “Because it has never been used.”

ucme's avatar

@Sunny2 No fucking clue.

gambitking's avatar

Why do women have small feet? So they can stand closer to the sink.

What happens when your dishwasher breaks down? Let her fold laundry instead.

And this : http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2klsk5hhB1r0men0.jpg

Sunny2's avatar

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Coloma's avatar

My ex was once dancing around the kitchen and said ” I have the ass of a 10 year old boy.”
My reply?
” Yes, and you have the mind of one too!”
I make up my put downs as needed, originality ya know. haha

Sunny2's avatar

Ladies, I think the men are afraid to take us on. What do you think?

Coloma's avatar

@Sunny2 Rightfully so, a woman in her prime could kill a man, and not just sexually. We are women hear us roar! lol

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Sunny2 How bad can I be?

Coloma's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe You’ve already established yourself as man above it all, you’re safe, fear not. haha :-)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Coloma You and I have been around a while. But we also have some young uns on here too.

Sunny2's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Be my guest. You can label it NSFB. It’s your reputation you’ll be tainting.

Coloma's avatar

Oh, those young uns, buckle up, it’s a roller coaster ride this thing called life and love. lol

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Sunny2 I can’t do it. Not for my rep at all. But it’s for my respect to the people around me.

Sunny2's avatar

Your choice. I will respect that.

Sunny2's avatar

Okay, after a hard fought battle of the sexes, I was going to top it all off with this one. It has stopped a group of men in a bar, sharing female put downs, dead in their tracks.

“How many men does it take to tile a kitchen floor?”
“Only one, but you have to slice him very thin.”

Coloma's avatar

@Sunny2 Hahaha….once my ex was all excited about a bunch of little baggies he stocked his workshop with, I told him they would come in very handy when I chopped him into 370 little pieces and scattered him around the county. lol

Oh fun memories of my rapier wit!

gambitking's avatar

Hey now I already tried to rally the man-troops, I can only do so much by myself. Here’s another volley for what it’s worth.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit around talking about how dark it is until a MAN comes and changes it.

My wife’s birthday is coming up – I think I’ll get her some complaining, cuz bitches LOVE complaining.

Why are hangovers better than wives? Hangovers will go away

And finally….

What do you do if your woman keeps coming out of the kitchen nagging you?
Shorten her chain.

BAZINGA

(edit: nice one with the floor tiling, by the way sunny)

Sunny2's avatar

@gambitking You’re in a little late, but we truly appreciate your effort. People seem to have gotten the message about the importance of being kind, which is one of my biggest goals, so I can’t complain.

Some_Ghost's avatar

@Symbeline I have a joke about my penis, but nevermind, it’s too long.

gambitking's avatar

@Sunny2… in a little late? My initial posts are right in the middle up there /\

Thanks for a fun question nevertheless

Sunny2's avatar

It’s NEVER too late for a joke. Yours were in just after I’d posted my finale. I wanted to get my tile joke in before people stopped looking.

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