Social Question

raven860's avatar

Should I go to my former High School principal to inform her of such information?

Asked by raven860 (2144 points ) October 12th, 2012

So the recent suicide committed by Amanda Todd has boiled my blood a bit.

Throughout high school I had people who wanted to hurt me… i.e give me a bad name, try to intimidate me, or sabotage my interests. Their efforts were at best quite laudable…unless you are not on top of yourself.

So, what I want to talk to the principal is about what goes on (ways people try to harass from what I experienced). It is a bit unconventional than most methods ( very sneaky) and some of the perpetrators can be some unusual suspects (nerds, smart kids).

Do you think it is a good idea? How should I approach this? Any high school principals or former principals on here? What would you say to this?

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23 Answers

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

The real question is what do you want to accomplish based upon your past experience. Is it to get kids to go to an authority figure when they run into a situation like this? Is it to confront the bully? Is it to change the protocol in schools about how these accusations are handled?

If you can figure out what the vision (end result) is, then it is just a matter of putting together a plan on how to accomplish it. This type of harassment is timeless, so it is worth taking your concern seriously and carrying it out to fruition.

raven860's avatar

@Pied_Pfeffer

Just get them aware of what happens in the school and perhaps give them a few tips regarding how to deal with the problem.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

Thanks @raven860 . Both of my sisters are (were) public school teachers. From stories they have shared, my guess is that teachers and the administration are aware of the bullying that goes on. Not all of it, of course, but enough that they should be on the lookout.

I think it would be a good idea to set up an appointment to talk to the principal about it. There is always the chance that he/she may feel that the school may never experience an extreme case like Amanda Todd’s. More importantly, it may do you some emotional good.

If you do, please let us know how it went. It could lead to something extraordinary.

janbb's avatar

I think it is a good idea. All you can do is approach the principal and see if s/he is open to the idea of meeting with you.

chyna's avatar

I admire you for trying to make a difference. I don’t see how it could hurt to try.

Judi's avatar

The perpetrators you mention are the same ones who harassed me 40 years ago. My concern is that the people who usually get accused of being bullies are the ones who finally crack after years of abuse.
Speaking up to whoever will listen is important for all of us who know to do.

gailcalled's avatar

How long ago was this? Did you speak to authority figures when the bullying was actually occurring?

Are you going to be naming names or discussing techniques?

Judi's avatar

I still remember the biggest teachers pet Debbie Shelly tormenting me in grade school. (I’ll name names, but 40 years later it won’t matter much. )

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gailcalled's avatar

Sorry. i am unable to read this. Can you shorten and edit, please?

Response moderated
raven860's avatar

@gailcalled ok i will try my best.

Basically former friends were the perps.
I never felt harassed by them…they were clowns.
It happened in high school. I probably enjoyed high school more than them. I was better looking, more popular ( for a while). However, after high school there was another phase 07–09 where i was very sick and incapable and basically “not on my feet” and i was surrounded by these people ( because i though they may have matured or well recognize that i am in deep trouble and have the senses to lay off and help)

Their tactics include; manipulation, lying etc etc… I nickname it “elementary school tactics”...cause thats what they come off as to me.

It is embarrassing to even mention them…as they are quite pathetic and cowardly and don’t deserve the recognition. However, from what I learned from 07–09 was they had no bounds to how low they would go and are sick in my opinion.

In my opinion they can only harm a peron when they are going through a tough time ( which I did) and are not thinking clearly ( which I did).

However, what they also do sometimes is gang up on you and literally try to stalk you…in order to harass you,

As a summary…most of their tactics require you paying them attention to succeed. If you don’t give a crap about them ( it is hard to care about their petty opinions) then they can’t harm you. Most of them are chimps trying to scare you by putting on a costume of a dinosaur.

janbb's avatar

What do you think your purpose would be in talking to the principal? Do you think you have anything particularly new to add to the discussion or would it just be a rehashing of your own personal grievances?

raven860's avatar

@janbb

So there a couple different ‘ordnances’ in the tool box of these ‘bullies’. Only onne of them is the one that requires attention ( as I don’t think anyone would believe the victims…and other victims might not be able to describe it).

Basically they really stalk you and have a wide network. Their intent is to demolish you mentally and it can leave the target with things such as paranoia, clinical depression and severe anxiety. The torment is hard to get over.

These children certainly didn’t come up with this tactic (they are not smart enough) and it was taught to them by either former bullies or someone else ( I can only guess…)

This is done in a group and in my case at least 2 faculty members were also involved in this and aided the students.

The purpose of this meeting would be to educate the principal of its existence and perhaps share a few tips of how to deal with this particular and some lesser harassing problems. The absolute worse things that these bullies hate is being caught in the act and if methods were employed that could capture them then we can thwart their efforts. I am certainly not doing this out of the kindness of my heart. Although I must say the reason I attracted their attention was because I disproved of their methods from the very beginning. I don’t like and strongly despise people who try to intimidate others.

I have younger siblings, cousins and nephews/nieces. They are sweet and lovable kids and full of good things. I don’t want to either change for the worse of be afflicted by wrongdoers. It’s a shame how many young adults commit suicide. I believe it is #1 cause of un-natural deaths today. 99% of bullies ( save for the head sociopath) are cowards and ‘lemmings’. They bully to be ‘accepted’ and fall in a group. It is much easier for me to come up with things that will offend them and are not racist, sexist or illogical or non-legitimate. I however don’t actively do that and typically rely on being busy with myself and having too much of life to bother with them.

I just want to educate the principal, parents and others about how these bully circles work. It is something that requires immediate attention.

gailcalled's avatar

I just want to educate the principal, parents and others about how these bully circles work. It is something that requires immediate attention.

If you believe this, then you must address it.

Shippy's avatar

I think it is never too late. Because it carries on after you leave and move on. It can take one person to make a difference.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t think you can help. What you describe is typical bullying. I don’t think it is anything new. People already know how bullying works. What matters is whether they do anything about it. That will only be pushed by current students and their parents.

Maybe you could write up your story, in case they need evidence about the past, but I think you should make it clear you aren’t asking for anything from them now, except to be more vigilent for current bullying.

But you need to be careful. As you present your story here, it is vague. It does not get very specific about what people did or how they did it. It sounds a lot like what a lot of people go through in high school. If you’re not popular, high school can be hell. If it is hell, the best revenge is to move on to college and forget about it. Have a good life.

But the time to deal with bullying is when it happens, not long after. There is nothing that can be done later on. And it’s not clear how this information can help current students. Do you have an idea about that?

raven860's avatar

@wundayatta

Sorry for the late reply but I have been quite busy lately.

At first I felt a bit angered by your response that I can’t help. However, re-reading it made me notice a different tone of your message.

The reason my reaction was such was because I don’t see myself as a victim at the mercy of the people who ‘bullied’ me. Nor am I remotely interested in any form of self-harm like suicide. I disagree that nothing can’t be done once the bullying incident is over. Something can always be done and on that note even some form of ‘payback’ can work wonders to cure the ‘victim’s’ anguish. I frankly am amazed how ‘bullying’ is seen as normal part of high school culture. Sure there is some level of horseplay to be expected but the more grave and criminal cases only imply that we have psychopaths/sociopaths in the area. Their actions are not even remotely acceptable or normal.

If you had to ask me, any normal and proper adult (who is on his feet) can never get entangled with elementary and trivial/petty things such as ‘bullying’. They can be targets of systematic harassment but not playground things such as ‘bullying’. The only reason I have ended up with making this a part of my life is because when I was targeted (this time around), I had a mountain of things going on and was under a lot of stress and mental pressure. This weakened me and made me ‘available’ to some (of the stupidest and most pathetic) people (I have met). The reason that was because all of them were former friends of mine and lately they had been snaking around more than usual. I never saw myself as a baby or a child as a teen and I am/was sure that I can make better choices for myself than any adult can and so I never kept my parents close. All of that along with a string of anomalies led me to a point 2.5 years down the where I was in a susceptible position ( mentally) and my moronic perps saw an opportunity to ‘jerk’ me a bit. That incident is what ticked me off and I started focusing on them.

As a result I feel angry and I am very critical of the idiotic parents of such s_upid f__ks. I am not the kind of person who blames others for my misfortunes. I never have and have always carried the weight of others when the need arose. Many of the ‘kids’ who ‘bullied’ me in that opportune moment were people I had helped in the past and also protected from getting harassed. In my opinion, from the looks of it, they are just ‘weak people’ ( I have never used that term to describe someone).

Bullies’ are the most cowardly and weak people and operate in groups. They go after secluded targets who typically have a underhand in a situation. In my opinion they live and fully earn the title of a ‘Loser’. Many of them did target me but it never even remotely phased me for the longest time. The reason was a simple things and logical ideas. Some examples are the following:

1) The way anyone can harass you is if you pay attention/ keep in contact with them and value their opinion. Anyone with a regular life will be too busy involved in their lives to care for them.
2) Rumors. Anyone with half a brain and who is genuine knows and can identify the shady-rumor-spreading people. Furthermore, people who believe in rumors are admitting themselves to be fools. Best way to counter a rumor is simply go about your business and not care for it…I mean why should you? None of it is the truth and let the perps worry about trying to prove it right.
3) Your self-respect and your self-esteem works like your shield and armor. You will never allow anyone to mistreat you if you have those. The way you have self-respect and self-esteem is through doing hard work and using your time effectively. Interests and hobbies are a great way if no other way works.
4) You have the right to exist and in the most free nation on earth. If anyone physically assaults you, you should either act in self-defense or contact the police. THE SCHOOL HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

raven860's avatar

@wundayatta What do you think of my last response? Please be frank with about what your opinion is. I must however add that I initially aimed to add a second response but once again got caught up in other things and eventually forgot about it. In a line, my response would have included me taking more responsibility for what happened to me.

wundayatta's avatar

High school is not all the important in the larger scheme of life. However, if you hold onto highschool (and often, people who have been bullied do so), it can drag you down later on in life. So the first thing to do is let it go, I believe. I believe the thing to do in life is enjoy it, and if you dwell on sleights and defeats, that makes it hard to enjoy it. If you can let that stuff go, you’re much better off in the long run.

Some people can’t let go of the notion that life should be fair. They insist on not letting anything go until justice is served. My feeling is that my happiness is more important than justice. If the bully beats me up, I can spend a lot of time trying to get revenge justice on him. Or I can get revenge by living well.

I prefer to try to live well. I don’t need to hurt anyone and I won’t hurt anyone to live well. But I won’t necessarily follow all the rules to a T, either. I will live well without hurting anyone. Indeed, I have to live well, because if I get depressed, it is hell for everyone involved, especially my wife and kids.

So bullying is an annoyance, but it is not a cause celebre. It requires perspective to see it this way. It may not be possible to see it that way if you are too close to it. But that’s why I suggest that since you are past it, to not get reinvolved. It will suck you in if you let it, and that will hurt you more than it helps you, most likely. But you, of course, may see it differently.

raven860's avatar

@wundayatta

I agree with what you say but sometimes I feel like the only way I can put this behind me is if “blow-up” angrily and go after these scum-idiots and expose them for what they are. Believe me, I am not trying to not listen to what you are trying to say. In fact, it has been the opposite but I find my self coming back to this every now and then. It seems to be hard to let go of. Perhaps because I believe that the only reason this magically happened was because of a long series of coincidences/anomalies it is annoying and frustrating because I feel I do not deserve it. Also, I have always STRONGLY despised abusive people. To that point that they are more like a pet peeve. Sometimes I wonder what if an active, collaborative, non-violent and legal methods were used to expose these people. That would feel satisfying and would almost fell like a duty done ( I think). Just so its clear, I am not interested in illegal activities or vigilantism but simply getting the transgressor what they are asking for so that they learn a lesson for once.

I however agree that success is the best revenge. And mad props to you if you or whoever has successfully done that. I do not see it differently and probably would have given the same advice were it someone asking me.

But you see this, what I experienced (the level of hate shown – it was extreme). It was way beyond the limits. I would call these people the absolute worst of society. The funny thing however is that they like to consider themselves the best of society because of their ‘education’

wundayatta's avatar

I hear you. You can put energy into getting your own back. However it is not clear you’ll succeed, and all energy put into that is not put into forwarding your own life. You’re stuck here. Maybe if you get your own back, you’ll get past it. But I’m not so sure.

I’d say you don’t have to put the idea down, but set it aside for a few years while you do other things. Then in a few years, you may be in a better position to do what you need to do.

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