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Adirondackwannabe's avatar

How do you keep from lashing out when you're angry?

Asked by Adirondackwannabe (33946 points ) February 10th, 2013

I have a temper, which I almost always keep in check. But once in a while it gets close to the surface. How do you keep your’s in check?

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13 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

Depends who I am angry at.

Sometimes I write a letter.

Sometimes I turn the anger around into depression and cry.

Sometimes I stop and try to put myself into the other person’s place and my anger diminishes.

Sometimes I switch over to denial and try to convince myself it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes I seek out a therapist.

Sometimes I call a bunch of girlfriends one after another and tell the story.

However, many times I do lash out by raising my voice. I never do anything physical like throw something.

Pachy's avatar

I’ve learned through experience to get away from the source and give myself time to cool down. Too many times I’ve made things much worse by escalating the fight.

gondwanalon's avatar

I never get angry. Well hardy ever. A few people have asked me what it would take to make me angry? I say something like 911. That would give me a reason to let myself go and fight back.
Generally you can control your thoughts.
Anger is generated by thoughts.
Therefore you can control you anger.

Brenna_o's avatar

How do you keep your temper in check at other times??
Sometimes I just need to take a walk and get away from people, other times I ask my husband to give me a massage (when he isn’t the source of my anger) and other times I go and play my piano

Unbroken's avatar

For some reason it was always easier to be angry with myself then others.

Or feeling afraid of letting loose to show my anger.

I guess that is ultimately it. If you are trying not to act out in anger. Then you have to have proper motivation not to be angry.

Sure there are techniques. They help a lot but if there is no motivation to implement them they will fail.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

I keep anger in “check” by understanding it as a tool to be used when, and only when it’s appropriate to do so. Anger is not a bad thing. The misuse of it is. Same is true for all emotions.

ucme's avatar

It’s called restraint.

rooeytoo's avatar

I have been working on keeping mine in control for all of my life. So far I have not killed anyone so I think I am doing okay. And I remind myself to not sweat the small stuff and also my favorite line from Just For Today,

I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own
desires. I will take my “luck” as it comes,
and fit myself to it.

Cupcake's avatar

I take a shower. A LONG shower. If that didn’t do it, I clean the house. Hardcore cleaning. If that didn’t do it, I’d go to the gym. I try to talk myself through it, but I usually have to physically get it out (and accomplish something in the meantime).

I’d be pretty sore the next day.

tups's avatar

I hit the wall or other things, not human beings. It has happened a few times, but nothing serious. I once broke my computer mouse in anger.

Unbroken's avatar

Don’t swallow the anger. Express it, you get to choose how.

Exercise the release of endorphins, talking about the problem.

KNOWITALL's avatar

I don’t, I say what I need to say, get the situation resolved and it’s done. I call it communicating and it works for me.

thorninmud's avatar

First step is to recognize that what we call “anger” is fundamentally a set of physiological responses to chemicals in your bloodstream. Anger is a way your body feels. You know that you’re angry because of the accelerated heartbeat, the flush of your face, the pressurized sensation in your head, etc. There is no mental state that you would identify as “anger” in the absence of those sensations.

Second step is to recognize that this cluster of sensations only lasts for a minute or so, until the chemicals that provoke it are metabolized out of the bloodstream. Once they’re gone, the experience of anger will be gone. Unless, that is, you cause another dose of chemicals to be released and so perpetuate the sensations.

Here’s the key then: When you feel the rush of sensations, recognize what is happening and disengage your attention from the situation that brought on the anger. Instead, bring your attention to the bodily sensations themselves, regarding them not from the perspective of “someone who is angry”, but as would an objective observer studying exactly what an angry body feels like. Don’t attach any negative value to these sensations, as in wishing them away; just observe.

Above all, as you’re doing this don’t mentally revisit the situation that started the whole thing. That will simply rekindle the whole process.

Very shortly, you will observe that the sensations fade away. The angry feeling is gone. Now you’re able to look at the situation with a clearer head. If the anger wells back up, repeat.

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