General Question

antimatter's avatar

Ladies what would you expect from your partner to keep the romance alive after five years?

Asked by antimatter (4269 points ) February 23rd, 2013

It’s a general question what ladies should expect from their men to keep the ladies happy to keep the romance still alive.
Now be honest ladies what do you expect from your other half?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

22 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

I don’t like the word “expect” so much. I am not being critical of your word choice, I am just saying for me, I don’t expect anything, but I can tell you what does keep me feeling like I am still enjoyng my relation and life with my husband. Enjoying myself keeps things romantic in my mind.

I like little surprises once in a while. It can be just a few times a year, abd better if it is not a special occassion, and it does not have to be something planned out by him. In fact, I don’t like a surprise that I am not ready for. Some examples are a surprise note that says very nice things about me or us. Out of nowhere him saying we should take a vacation (I do not want him to preplan the vacation and wisk me away). Bringing home something that he knows is a favorite for me, like my favorite chocolate or a bottle of sugar coca cola.

Besides surprises, taking me places where we can dress up a little, an event of some sort (a wedding actually counts, even though he didn’t really plan it) really is a good thing. A special night out. It can be dancing, that makes me very happy, dancing does not have to be dressed up.

Him wanting to be with me and share things with me. I love when he yells for me to come from the room I am in to see the funny show he is watching. When he wanted to take golf lesson, he wanted me to do it with him.

He still grabs at me (sometimes annoying) and bothers me, pushing and poking, basically what I compare to a 10 year old boy who doesn’t know what to do with liking a girl so he punches her in the arm. LOL.

Also, don’t let me get completely exhausted days and weeks on end. If I am overwhelmed help around the house or be ok with me getting help. Along with this, do not be overly critical of my housekeeping and organization. Want to kill my romantic or sexual desire, make some comment about how inadequate I am.

Lastly, just a couple of weeks ago my husband drove down to visit his parents and sister, and by coincidence his brother was going to be there the first day my husband was there. So all five of them together (that is the entire nuclear family) and no spouses or any other extended family. He said to me he wished I was going with him when he was getting ready to leave to drive over and I told him how nice it will be that it is just his family all together. In an almost angry tone he stated “you’re my family!” Really nice hearing that.

We have been married 20 years.

janbb's avatar

To be listened to and affirmed.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Hey ladies, it goes both ways.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

I wouldn’t expect things to be cooling after only five years, or even 10 as long as you two talk about it.

BYW, some women hate to be called ladies.

geeky_mama's avatar

I don’t expect anything except his continued respect, trust and love, and I give the same in return.
Assuming you mean, beyond the good, healthy relationship we have what can he do that makes me especially appreciate my mate?
Things he does that make me giddy with happiness, a short list:

1. Every work day he makes my tea for me while he’s packing the kids’ lunches. So, when I stumble out of bed, it’s there waiting for me. (He’s usually off taking his morning walk at that time..but I always thank him later.)
2. Very often he rubs my back, without my asking, as we’re curled up in bed at night. An impromptu back massage is one of my favorite treats (and he’s really good at it!).
3. Whenever something happens (either very good or very bad) he’s the first person I want to tell, and he’s a good listener.

We’ve been married over a decade now – but I can’t tell you how far the “little things” matter. What are the little things? Well, some examples are when I wander into a room he’s in, I often take a moment to kiss him and tell him he’s wonderful—even if I was only after a section of the newspaper..and if either of us sees something that needs to be done, we just do it: picking up a kid’s shirt from the floor, unloading the dishwasher, putting the clothes in the dryer, vacuuming up some pet hair.
The more we each do little things for the other the more general good feelings we have towards each other. ...Like putting a deposit in a bank of warm, loving feelings.
However, all the little good feelings on deposit can be wiped out easily with one unkind word or a complaint or a bitch or a whine. So.. it’s better to be careful about what you don’t say, y’know? Somethings are better left unsaid, or phrased more carefully at a later time.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
marinelife's avatar

Something new. A new place to go or thing to do. Something that acknowledges the passage of time and the memories that we have made. Some romance.

Bellatrix's avatar

I don’t ‘expect’ my partner to keep the romance alive. I think that’s something we have to do together. It’s about investing in your relationship. To me that means making time for my husband, listening to him, caring about his life and what is happening to him. It means wanting to do things together but being considerate of the other person’s need to do things alone. Being secure about myself and not demanding things/time/emotions of him he can’t and shouldn’t have to give. You can reverse all of these things in terms of what I like to (and do) receive from him.

josie's avatar

If my girlfriend announced that she expected me to single handedly dream up a way to keep the romance alive after five years I would be gone in five minutes

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

I’d be so happy if he’d use the laundry hamper instead of tossing his dirty clothes wherever (for me to find and pick up). Yep, after 21–½ years of marriage, that would be pure romance!

JLeslie's avatar

@MollyMcGuire The ladies who hate being called ladies, what do they prefer? Women? I am just curious.

antimatter's avatar

Thanks for asking @JLeslie I am curious myself, what do some ladies prefer to be called. English is not my first language I grow up as an Afrikaans (Dutch) speaking person my mother was British but since childhood I was taught that we should refer to woman as ladies as a sign of respect to woman. Hope you understand @MollyMcGuire

JLeslie's avatar

@antimatter I’m assuming she might find it too young? Maybe she also prefers Ma’am to Miss In America this varies by what area of the country you are in. The south uses Ma’am the north uses Miss. If you use the wrong one in a region it sounds very very odd, sometimes disrespectful to the person being addressed.

Response moderated (Spam)
lilmissmuffin's avatar

@Bellatrix you stated that you listen to your husband, make time for him and care about his life. My question is what does he do for you to make you feel loved and cared for? I’m not attacking here just a question.

Bellatrix's avatar

@lilmissmuffin I finished by saying “You can reverse all of these things in terms of what I like to (and do) receive from him.”

MollyMcGuire's avatar

@JLeslie @antimatter Women usually. Lady carries expected behaviors as does gentleman…...She’s quite a lady or he’s such a gentleman. I think it may be a stronger dislike in certain parts of the country, especially the deep South.

JLeslie's avatar

@MollyMcGuire If someone is giving a speech they should not use Ladies and Gentlemen? I never thought about that before until you also mentioned gentlemen. I use gentlemen quite often in many situations so I find that interesting.

I would never say “she’s quite a lady,” but if a group of women came up to me at work I might say, “what can I do for you today ladies.” In writing I generally use women, but when addressing a woman directly, well actually women, I would not say lady to a woman alone in the same situation I mention above at work, but would use ladies for a group. For instance I would not say, “what can I do for you today lady?” I would just ask, “how can I help you?” Adding ladies on the end acknowledges the you is plural in the sentence, while down south more likely the person would say “y’all” to signify it, or “all y’all.”

For some people the word women is for married status or having lost your virginity. I think this old way of thinking about it kind of led to why we don’t assume that status with a female and we use miss and lady more often in some parts of the country. Just how it evolved. Oddly, the south uses Miss Firstname quite regularly, but then would address the same person as ma’am as well. Up north if we are on a first name basis then that’s it, no extras, except in the case of aun’t and uncles and dearest friends of your parents you might use aunt firstname as well. The north has odd things too, I was not picking on the south, just pointing out this one particular thing.

antimatter's avatar

Thanks for the lessen @MollyMcGuire and @JLeslie, I’ll remember that when I visit America one day.

JLeslie's avatar

@antimatter If you have an accent you will probably get by with a free pass. Even we Americans need to wait and figure out the particulars of speech when we tour a new city in our own country. Some people do as the Romans when in Rome, and others cast judgment that people in that locale are being rude. Where are you from?

Headhurts's avatar

This goes both ways. I guess it is up to the female to make it more exciting in the bedroom, and the men to communicate more and to make us laugh like it was at the beginning. For me anyway.

Juels's avatar

I think it is important to remember the little things. I don’t need/want grand gestures. A kiss goodbye in the morning, hold hands during a walk or movie, actually say ‘I love you’, and a little snuggle time.

I say “little snuggle time” because my hubby isn’t a snuggler. He gives me some snuggle time and I give him some space. Though, all bets are off in the winter – my side of the bed is too cold.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther