How do I deal with my boyfriend's nitpicking?
I love my boyfriend and am usually happy with him but sometimes his perfectionist tendencies really make me livid. I grew up with a controlling father and have very feminist tendencies. Because of that I deeply resent any man telling me what to do and then I wonder if I was meant to be in a relationship.
Example: We’re staying at his parent’s house for the time being and I really love them. They have been very generous to share their home and food with us and I tell them frequently that I am thankful. We have a good relationship and a lot of the perceived strife my boyfriend thinks is happening is really in his head. This morning we were having some coffee and bread and I decided I wanted some Nutella on mine since it’s freaking delicious and his mom specifically told me to have some. So I scoop out a modest amount and he starts in on me like “Umm watch how much of that you eat, it’s for everyone you know.” RIGHT in front of his sister. I was kind of embarrassed and shot him some side-eye as a warning to shut it. And he goes on to say that he “can’t tell me anything” because I “take it the wrong way” In my mind he’s lucky I didn’t say “I don’t need you to tell me how much Nutella I can put on my bread, motherf*cker” because it’s honestly what I was thinking.
He asks me to pass the jar and I set it down a little harder to emphasize that the subject is closed and he didn’t like that either. And we’ve been giving each other the silent treatment all morning. I think our issues about this are obviously much more than a little jar of Nutella.
I consider myself to be a very independent person and one of my recurring issues in relationships is feeling micromanaged or like I can’t be myself. Specifically in this relationship and my last one… After my grandmother’s first husband died, she never remarried because she didn’t want “another boss” in her life and I’m starting to think she had a point.
Another example, my boyfriend is currently unemployed, unable to find work in his home country. I came here with him and immediately found a part-time teaching gig to supplement my freelance income. I work in the afternoons and sometimes like to relax in the mornings just to write for my clients or even yeah, talk to my friends on Facebook or something.
Now, my unemployed boyfriend thinks it’s cool to criticize me about how I like to relax in the morning and do as I please in the mornings saying I’m “lazy” and “unmotivated” when he earns no income and I’ve been helping him with mine. It just doesn’t sit right with me and of course, he resents it when I point out the obvious. My stance is this: we’re in a relationship and I love you, but my life is still mine and I’m entitled to some time every day to do as I please, as are you. Get a better job than me and then we’ll talk about who’s unmotivated.
I love my boyfriend, but I really need him to knock this off. Am I being too sensitive? He sometimes pulls the old line of “you’re getting your period” or “It’s your Italian blood” but NO, I think my feelings are valid.
I HATE BEING MICROMANAGED AND NITPICKED.
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