What do you expect from guest staying in your home for a few days, versus someone staying for a week or longer?

I once had a guest who never changed out of her nightgown. It was a problem because we were homeschooling, and it set the wrong tone for our school day. I asked her to get dressed, and she objected. Strange….

Guests do not lift a finger at my house, except at their own insistence. I especially do not want them to feel the need to trouble themselves about cooking or cleaning.

Occasionally we’ll invite someone over for dinner who is of limited means. Often they will offer to do the washing-up afterwards. That is a much appreciated gesture, but never expected.

My mother never invited guests over when I was growing up, so no lessons there. It just seems natural to me to take care of people when they are in my home.

@snowberry That is weird. Takes making yourself at home to a whole new level.
@Seek_Kolinahr So never had a guest who was a slob and made you feel like a servant? I get when it is a dinner party guest or a guest for a few days, but does it extend to a guest who stays a week or longer?

Nope.

There are four guys staying over tonight. A band from out of town. We’ll see how it goes.

We don’t do guests. If we did, week would be the absolute limit. As for how they should behave, I’d just expect them to clean up after themselves and at least offer to help pay for their share of the food.

I expect my guest to give me a clear reason for coming, and a definitive time when they will be leaving. Failing to do so will take you out of the guest category, and place you in the freeloader category.

@livelaughlove21 You expect them to offer to pay for their share of the food as a guest at your house? Even a short term guest? Would the offer be enough for you or would you actually take their money?

I’m not an expert on the rules of being a houseguest but guest right in the old days used to imply being fed and a place to sleep. I can’t back this up with proof as fact, and these are different times. But I can definitively say that unless I was staying with you for a while I wouldn’t think to offer to pay for any food you offered me. If you ordered out or something I would but if a meal was set and I was invited to the table it would honestly never occur to me to offer to pay for it. Maybe I’m weird.

@bunnyslippers It would really depend on how tight for money the hosts are. I have given money to hosts that I felt my visit may cause a financial strain. It is still cheaper than renting a room. I would pay for food and even help pay for the electric.
I’ve had guest (or as @RealEyesRealizeRealLies put it, freeloaders) who want you to take them places, and pay for everything, knowing that you were short on cash and wait on you hand and foot.
@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Thank you. I’m glad I’m not the only one who likes to know why someone is visiting and how long they are coming for. Hate it when people say its a few days and then end up staying over a week. A few days to me is 2 to 3 days. They always check with my husband first and he never asks them for how long.

@Pandora I guess if I knew they were tight on money it probably would occur to me to offer to pay for my share of things, or if I didn’t think they’d be offended then maybe even the whole meal. I’m kind of spoiled though, I’ve never been the house guest of someone who wasn’t obviously better off than I was financially.

It is funny you should ask this question. I just had a sister-in-law and 14 year old niece stay with me for seven weeks. When they left, I had another sister-in-law, niece and her husband and two very small children stay for one week. T

I expected, and didn’t get my expectations met, a great deal more from my SIL staying nearly two months than I did from my SIL and family staying only a week.

I expect everyone to keep their things neat and their bathroom picked up. My SIL stayed too long and it really put a strain on our relationship. I love her dearly, but she only bought snacks for my niece and prepared supper twice the whole time she was visiting. She’s married to my baby brother and I wouldn’t say anything or hurt his or her feelings for anything in the world. But she stayed way too long. My niece would do anything you asked of her and was the perfect houseguest.

She had a friend fly down for a week during this time too.

My SIL who came for a week cleaned and did laundry and offered to pay for meals out and sent me a beautiful gift after they got home. Two different people. I love them both. I expected different things from them based on the length of their stay and their personalities.

@bkcunningham I have learned from past mistakes and have made it clear to people what I expect. I let them know that I love having guest but I don’t love having to spend my time cleaning up after them and then being left no time to enjoy their company. I don’t mind paying for things or even cooking but it unnerves me when they leave stuff all over the place and don’t offer to even wash the dishes. Most of the time, I don’t mind doing it for a few short days but after 3 days, I feel they should help with dishes and keep things neat.

@bunnyslippers I probably wouldn’t take the money unless it was a whole family, with kids eating all my food.

It might be bad etiquette, but I don’t think allowing you to stay in my home (as opposed to paying for a hotel) means you should assume my food is freely available to you for an entire week. A night or two would be different. I’d offer money even if I was staying with someone for a short stay. I think it’s polite to offer.

Like I said, we don’t do guests. The only person that has ever spent the night at our house is my mother-in-law for a weekend every few months, but family is different.

If the offer was more like, “Hey, you should come down and stay with us for a week this Summer,” I wouldn’t expect an offer of money. Otherwise, I would.

@livelaughlove21 I understand that. For some reason though I was getting this visual of me sitting at a table with someone (I don’t know what you look like but I’m pretty sure it was meant to be you) staring at me after we had just eaten and me not knowing what was wrong because I couldn’t think to offer to pay for what I just ate. That would be awkward.

My best friend from high school, we used to call each other brother all the time and not like the douchey “bro” usage, his wife hates me so it’s possible I will face this situation in the future. I’m glad I read this thread.

@bunnyslippers Well, I wouldn’t expect them to pay per meal! That would be awkward and rude of me, yes. I would just like them to say at some point during the trip, “Would you like some money for groceries while we’re here?” At that point, I’d probably say, “No, no, don’t worry about it!”

Yes @Pandora, guests are welcome, as long as they don’t leave me guessing.

As to freeloaders, well… I’m all about helping someone out, to get back on their feet. But we need to define that goal from the start and set up measures for accountability. In the past six years, I’ve had a number of people staying at my place for over six months at a time (sometimes two years), specifically to get back on their feet. I don’t consider these folks freeloaders, if they abide by the rules and accountability.

I’ll never let a man go overboard. But just five minutes ago, I had to scold one of the four people that I’m boarding right now, at no charge. She hears me complain about the electric bill tripling since they moved in. I’m paying for everything, utilities, internet, tv, water… even bought an extra car for everyone to share (but they have to pay their own insurance to use it… (and show me their paid bill every month).

I scolded this person for leaving the house for two hours while their room had all windows open, and door open, and vent open… while the freaking house A/C was on. This is just after discussing the electric bill and limiting everyone to one shower a day. Yes, another person feels it necessary to shower three times a day. Not here pal. Join the Y.

Another person in the house (has a night job) has decided to camp out in the car I purchased after work. There is a cassette tape player in the car, and it’s his only way of listening to his old band tapes from twenty years ago. I just discovered last night that he sits in the car for three hours with car on idling, A/C on, windows down blaring music, drinking his Jack and smoking his ciggs and other stuff… yes other stuff. I’ve got no problem with any of that. But not on my dime asshole! You’re burning my gas to listen to cassette tapes?

I am absolutely shocked at how people can take advantage of the one who is trying to help them out. The line between freeloader and man on the mend is very very thin. If you help mow the lawn and take out the trash, then you’re a man on the mend. If you sleep all day and spend the little money you have at bars and on pot… then you are gone daddy gone the love is gone. Show me somethin’ sucker. I’m not your mamma’s teet. Go suck somewhere else.

All of my friends/guests have been tidy, helpful, even if not expected nor asked for and I have no complaints. I’d say the basics…make up their beds, clean up after using the bathroom, offering to do small things. Otherwise, I do not have expectations for my guests, they are GUESTS, and aside from basic consideration I WANT to serve and pamper them a bit.

If the guests are just here for a couple of days, then I would try to make lots of time to spend with them, if possible—and if they desire it. If they are staying longer than that, they would have to understand that most of the time, I would be working or doing my usual stuff and they would be more on their own for keeping themselves occupied.

I would normally not offer to pay anyone any money when I stay with them as a guest. Neither would I expect anyone that is a guest at my house to offer me any money.

Guest are welcome at our house, no preset limitations. If someone would abuse my hospitality, I would ask them to leave. We had many guests, including guests we never met before and we never felt abused.

If I feel someone I stay would be straining his/her resources to shelter me, then I would make sure to chip in. I will always help and clean up behind myself.

I remember once, when I arrived in New York with a friend of mine, someone offered us a place for the night. We took him up on the offer and he showed us around manhattan. One of the best stays ever.

We had a few people staying at our house as well, that we met ‘being lost’ at the airport.

Every stranger at our diner table has always made us richer, by the stories they shared.

I have never had a guest who didn’t help in some way. The experience has always been pleasant.
Like me, they bring something, they offer to help, and they keep their stuff and the bathroom reasonably neat.

When I leave your house it will be in the same or better shape than when I arrived.

If they are staying a week or less I don’t have any expectations for them to clean or cook or pay for anything. I would assume we would spend most of our time together, unless they also have other friends and family to visit or if I am working, then we would plan when we will have time together. I don’t mind friends using my place as a home base while they are in town as long as we get to spend some time together. If they offer to pay for a dinner, or gas, I would accept their kind offer, but I would not let them constantly pay for everything, especially not spend a lot of money on me.

If they are staying two weeks or more, then I would feel less of a need to entertain them, and hope they are able to be fairly independent while still getting the chance to enjoy their company.

I’ve never had a guest leave big messes or seem ungrateful. I have never felt taken advantage of by a guest. The only bad experience I have had was one friend who was trying to recover from alcoholism got drunk and it was a really bad night. My parents are a little messy, but overall are very generous when they stay with me and I want to be with them, so it isn’t a major deal. If they were staying with me for a long time it might get difficult through.

I want all my guests to feel at home to use the kitchen, laundry, make themselves comfortable. If I cook for them I have zero expectations of them helping me clean up or helping me cook.

The only pet peeve I have is when guests strip the bed or put wet towels in the laundry when they are done. I don’t want to have to do laundry as soon as they leave, because of what they left behind. If the towels are left hanging so they can dry and the bed is halfway made, I can wait a day or two at my convenience.

We almost never had people stay with us growing up. If someone did stay my parents would never expect them to pay for anything, especially if the stay was a week or less. They, like me, if we are staying with someone at someone else’s house for more than a few days would offer to pick up a check at a restaurant or something probably out of appreciationg for opening their home to us.

If I knew someone was very tight on money I would not want them to pay any money to feed me if I stayed with them.

My husband and I are similar. We have never even discussed anything about people staying with us or when we stay with others it just always was pretty much in sync. The one exception is my husband feels less obligation to soend time with our guests. He will be aloof sometimes and go about his normal routine like they are almost not there. That sometimes bothers me, and I know it sometimes feels unwelcoming to our guests.

I guess I don’t have many set rules, it varies a little from one guest to another. I do provide them with shampoo, hair dryer, robe, towels, throw away shaver and even a toothbrush and toothpast in case they forgot one all set up in their bathroom. I didn’t learn that from my parents, I learned that from other people who have done it for me. I do ask them what food I can have on hand for them, especially breakfast food, which I did learn from my mom.