General Question

chelle21689's avatar

Does this mean he has a low sex drive (nsfw)

Asked by chelle21689 (5128 points ) October 3rd, 2013 from iPhone

I was just curious if it was “normal” for my bf to not watch porn or touch himself all that often. When he was single I guess it was about a couple times a month. I guess I do it more often. Than him. I was surprised by his answer. Anyways, a forum I asked anonymously had a bunch of guys saying it was odd and he does have a low sex drive. My ex did it very very often and even had a folder of naked models lol

But I mean we have sex about 3x a week which I think is good after being together two years and being busy with work, school and in a house with not much privacy.

I guess it’s funny because he seems way more into cars than women in general. I mean he will initiate, try new things, but I guess a sign of low libido is not having a fantasy or him being able to go without it for a long long time

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27 Answers

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’m confused as to what the problem is.

I’m not so sure I believe that he doesn’t masturbate often but, if it is true, so what? You have sex three days a week, which is perfectly normal (more than average) – most women would be psyched that her man doesn’t need fantasies and porn.

Honestly, if my husband had a folder full of naked chicks to whack off to, I’d be way more creeped out than if he didn’t like porn at all.

marinelife's avatar

Why are you complaining? He doesn’t get off on porn (good) and he doesn’t waste himself masturbating (he has sex with you instead). There is a whole range of normal sex drive and he is in it.

whitenoise's avatar

I would say that he is quite normal and three times per week should be OK, right?

Coloma's avatar

I agree with @marinelife
Jeez…count your blessings if you find a guy that isn’t completely driven by his sexual urges.
Staying away from porn and too much masturbation makes him healthy, not dysfunctional.
Pretty sad when we think a guy that doesn’t watch porn or isn’t completely sexually obsessed is somehow abnormal.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
Katniss's avatar

I love that my fiancé isn’t into porn!

rojo's avatar

Nah, he’s fine, Y’all evidently have a fulfilling sex life and as such he doesn’t feel the need for the “extras”.

If you want to experiment, have a “headache” for a couple of weeks and see if that changes his viewing/handiwork habits.

Coloma's avatar

@Katniss He’s a keeper…man, I have been married to and know so many sex addicts, nothing funny or harmless about it.

Katniss's avatar

@Coloma Thank you! I agree! He is the only man that I have ever been with that doesn’t own a stack o’ porn. It’s very refreshing!

My ex husband was a pig. Always wanting to watch porn and always thinking with his penis. It was such a huge turn off when he’d be grabbing my boobs while I was trying to clean the house, or jumping in the shower with me, thinking he was gonna get shower sex. Ugh!

oneSasyRN's avatar

I’m not sure how long you have been together or how comfortable he is opening up to you about this. Maybe he’s embarrassed being honest about this. This also may be slowing down depending on his age…I wouldn’t worry to much as long as you both have a healthy active sex life. Don’t be to naive….unless he’s blind, his mind and other parts are working together when he see’s something he likes. You may be coming into your prime (Yes!!)....how lovely you can have that all to yourself!

Headhurts's avatar

My boyfriend doesn’t watch porn at all. It was me with the porn dvds. He doesn’t own any magazines either. I am sure he masturbates, as do I. I masturbate nearly every day, sometimes a few times that day. I have a very high sex drive. I don’t mind him watching porn if he wants to, I would like to watch it with him. He says he prefers real life. We have our own videos. We have sex probably twice a week. I would like it a lot more.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@chelle21689 Chill out. You have a good one there. Maybe he doesn’t or maybe he does and thinks talking about it is being disrespectful to you.
Seriously? Does the thought of him watching porn excite you? I say leave the matter alone.

By the way I will admit something here, right now – I pass gas every now and then. But I do not do it in front of others nor do I have the need to mention it. I understand from careful research this is a normal bodily function but I believe it does not need to be discussed with others.

Response moderated (Off-Topic)
CWOTUS's avatar

“Normal” covers a very, very wide range of behaviors, attitudes and feelings with regard to sex and sexual activity. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your boyfriend is in any way abnormal because he doesn’t do things that many other guys do.

I don’t think that a man with a “low sex drive” would be willing or even able to have intercourse multiple times per week, and I don’t think a woman could do it either without manifestations that this was not comfortable, not desired and probably not even completely voluntary. That is, a victim can be raped without the need for any sex drive.

So, no. My assumption is that he does not have a low sex drive, but his sexual behaviors and probably his attitudes, as well (his attitudes and feelings toward women in general, for example) may even be exemplary.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Katniss My husband grabs my boobs and butt a lot when we’re at home, too. Not because he thinks it turns me on or that he’s going to get sex, but because that’s how he plays. He mostly only does it after I grab his ass when he’s not expecting it. I guess I’m the pig. :)

Katniss's avatar

@livelaughlove21 lol No, you’re not a pig.
The reason that I hated it so much was because of the way he treated me on a daily basis.
He would call me everything but female then grab my boobs and expect me to just stop what I was doing and rip off my clothes.

What you have is healthy and fun. :0)

Response moderated
Pandora's avatar

He probably doesn’t have that great of an imagination so masterbating doesn’t work for him and watching other people have sex probably doesn’t work for him either. Why does everyone have to be turned on by watching strangers. I don’t get porn either. Lousy lines, ugly or disfigured people, a lot of fake breathing, DEAD EYES. They always look like they are wondering about what drapes they are picking out for their living room or they have to hurry up and leave to pick up the dog from the groomer. They make sex look as exciting as mopping the kitchen floor. Wait! No. I can actually get a gleam in my eyes from having a shiny floor. Ah, the toilet. Clean or not I just am disgusted at the prospect of cleaning the toilet. That’s the look in their eyes.
So he simply has some standards. He doesn’t want to see women who look like dead fish on a cart giving a fake performance. I don’t think that a person should jump to the low libido assumption.

Response moderated
chelle21689's avatar

Thanks for responses. Guys!! Who said I was complaining?? Lol I’m not complaining I was just curious.

Yeah most porn is disgusting with ugly people. It takes forever like over to find even a remotely decent one. Also the men are 95% of the time butt ugly lol so there’s very few that’s watchable

rojo's avatar

My wifes fav is still “The Story of O”, which is ok but a little too “artistic” for my taste. Still…...

livelaughlove21's avatar

Hm…seems some people don’t know how to find good porn.

…maybe because good porn involving a female is few and far between.

oneSasyRN's avatar

Hmmm…I have heard of that book…skimmed a few pages…I don’t know as I would call it “artistic”, lol but I suppose you could. There is a big difference between that lifestyle and porn, but there again, you have a lot of bad actors, fakes and wanna be’s. It’s much more fun (and safe) to make your own scenes ;)

rojo's avatar

@oneSasyRN Actually, the movie version with the gauzy, hazy filming technique and classic music score.

oneSasyRN's avatar

Ohhh..even better….perhaps I will have to have a movie night :)

Judi's avatar

I find this question scary. So since my husband doesn’t watch porn there’s something abnormal about him???
Plenty of men prefer not to pollute their mind with unrealistic expectations so they will more fully appreciate their mate.
To each his own I guess but personally I’m really happy that I’m enough for my man.
Not EVERYONE needs porn.

hearkat's avatar

In my adult life, I have had a couple relationships with men who didn’t masturbate or use porn much, but with whom I had plenty of really good sex. All it means is that they have a different way to manage their impulses than the average guy; it’s not abnormal.

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