How should I have handled this situation where I walked a young woman through a deserted and unlit part of my building without thinking it through.

You could have said something along the lines of ‘Gosh it is dark here I am sure the lights will be back on further down’. That is a real tricky situation. I would have been scared if I were her. I am so glad you realized her fear good for you.

Most women, if they are like me, can fairly quickly get a sense of a man’s character. It is very unlikely that you have much to worry about. There are situations in which I am nervous but I certainly don’t think every man is out to rape me.

What should you have said, “I would love to help but I won’t since you might get scared of me raping you?”

I guess if she was actually scared she could have faked forgetting something and bailed in the direction you had came from.

Most women have some kind of built-in radar for potential danger, phoniness, romantic interest, or any number of things. She probably just trusted hers.

It might have been a good idea to say something like, “Listen, I think I can help you, but only if you feel comfortable with it. I will understand, and it won’t hurt my feelings if you’d rather I just be on my way….”

You could have told a joke when you entered the dark area.
Like: “Have I told you about my sex offender registration?”

@ragingloli That’s even bad for you. You could have your own haunted house. Without any props.

I have very good sound proofing.

I think you did pretty well – moving ahead of her, giving her plenty of space. I’m not sure what else you could’ve done.

You did good. You made her feel comfortable by talking to her. And I think the fact that you walked in front of her, not behind her, helped her to not be afraid. I think if she was scared, she would have ran or walked away from you.

The fact that you didn’t realize the situation’s negative potential right away is to your credit. She’s lucky you weren’t someone else.

I think if I’d been in her place, I might have been grateful to hear something like this from you at the end of your walk: “You know, I just realized that I probably should have taken you the long way around, through the occupied areas, just in case you were nervous about being alone with a strange guy in a dark, empty place. Sorry if I gave you anything to worry about.”

It sounds like she wasn’t worried, and maybe that’s because her sixth sense told her you were okay, but maybe she was just plain naive. A remark from you that alerted her to that possibility without alarming her might have been a favor to her.

I don’t really understand the question. Surely what you did was better than sending her through on her own?

(I don’t really understand it either.)

@Adirondackwannabe is reproaching himself for thoughtlessly placing a young woman in what might have been (for her) a dangerous situation: namely, alone with a strange man in a dark and deserted building. When he realized that it could have seemed menacing to her (by which time they were already some distance from the populated, lighted areas), he then tried to behave in a reassuring, nonthreatening manner. He’s asking us if he should have done something differently once there.

At the same time he was taking a risk himself, because even if he had no improper intentions toward her, it was a potentially compromising situation—one in which she might have claimed he did something wrong toward her, even if he didn’t.

These days everyone is supposed to consider all the ramifications of every small kindness they perform. Anybody can accuse anybody of anything, and someone will say “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”

I think it’s a sad world we live in when you can’t even do a good deed without worrying that someone may have felt threatened by you. It sounds to me like you handled it well anyway and if what I know of you from Fluther is true, I get the impression that you are definitely one of the good guys.

@flutherother @janbb I’m asking what I should have done once I realized I messed up. I’m a typical guy but I understand what constitutes a bad situation. I looked at the client list and decided to go to the office that I thought she was looking for by the most direct route. The alternative was down a long hallway, elevator to the first floor, across the entire building, up some stairs, and down another hallway. But once I walked into the empty part of the building should I have offered her a business card or something to reassure her? I didn’t even realize what a scary situation that could have been for her. I’m not sure if she trusted me or she was just naïve. I like Jeruba’s idea of explaining I didn’t mean to walk her into a dangerous situation. And I get a lot of people coming to my door when they’re lost. I love my music and usually leave the door open so it’s nothing unusual for me to guide people to other offices in the building.

@Adirondackwannabe I get that but I agree with Leanne. I think you may have been being overly sensitive and that she may not have perceived it as a dangerous situation. However, I may be wrong.

You might be right. I was clean cut and well dressed and being my friendly self. But if I showed you the route I took her on it’s pretty scary. She seemed to trust me a lot, so maybe I wasn’t totally creepy. :)

Knowing you, I’m sure you weren’t! :-)