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cookieman's avatar

Care to share some hilarious holiday meltdowns or bad behavior?

Asked by cookieman (30095 points ) December 24th, 2013 from iPhone

So far this season, I’ve witnessed three such occurrences:

1) A young boy, with little sister in tow, drove a shopping carriage straight into an end-cap at Target causing it to collapse. Clueless dad (eyes glued to his phone), ambled over in time to see mom throw up her arms and exclaim, “That’s it, I’m done. I am fucking done!!”. She then proceeded to walk away leaving behind two crying children and a bewildered husband.

2) Heading into Kohl’s, I witnessed a woman screaming into her cell phone that, “Your mother is fucking bitch and there’s no fucking way I’m waiting in line for her another minute!” All the while, her toddler was playing in a very dirty, nearby snow bank.

3) Just today, I watched a man, Christmas list in hand, pluck numerous gift cards from a jumbo display at Stop & Shop. As he chose each one, he said aloud, “Fuck you, you’re done. Fuck you, you’re done…” and so on. At the end, he exclaimed, “Fuck you all, you are all done until next year!”, and proceeded to the register.

How about you jellys? Any good stories this year?

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19 Answers

Coloma's avatar

I witnessed a couple of low life idiots having a screaming fight in front of a McDonalds the other day. The girl was screaming that she didn’t take the guys drugs, pills, some drug name, I don’t remember. ” I didn’t take your f——king blah, blah, blah!!!” Oh brother, they both should have been mowed down in the parking lot. lol

chyna's avatar

My boss, who is a doctor, kept texting me to get a cart and come down to her car.
I was busy and not reading texts.
She finally called me and said “Could you get a fucking cart and get these fucking cookies for the nurses?”
I took 20 minutes to find a cart just to really piss her off. Her kids were in the car and I’m sure they were getting an ear full of hatred.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

Ah, Christmas and the eff-word. Such a lovely, timeless combination, and load, public profanity does capture holiday goodwill.

augustlan's avatar

I just laughed my ass off reading your stories @cookieman. The only thing I’ve got this year:
My daughters and I were picking up stocking stuffers at Target the other day, and heard a father a few aisles over yelling at his son to be quiet. Not one of us could hear the kid, but we ALL heard the father!

Coloma's avatar

Actually I initiated some fun discourse in the grocery store yesterday afternoon.
I was complementing random people for their awareness. One guy and I made eye contact and he was cracking up as I strolled along behind an oblivious older man looking for an entry to pass his dithering, weaving, clueless amble. I tried to veer to the left and pass him and at that moment he lurched left and blocked me. I started making gestures and silly faces at a guy in one of the checkout lines and he played into it perfectly.

It was so funny!
Struck up several other checkout conversations and did my best to wave people along while driving, and just laughed to myself at the completely zombie types. All in all people were pretty well behaved and cheery. Then again, I tend to make merry wherever I go so my energy is contagious. :-)

ragingloli's avatar

Rich Evans completely obliterating a christmas tree when faced with another viewing of “christmas vacation 2”.

cookieman's avatar

@Coloma: I’d say they deserve coal, but they’d probably try to free-base it.

@chyna: Ah, the special Christmas fucking cookies. Tastes like despair and resentment.

@SadieMartinPaul: It’s true — and have yourself a merry fucking Christmas now.

@augustlan: Not in public, but I’ve been guilty of yelling at my daughter to… stop… yelling. Naughty, naughty.

You @Coloma, as they say, are a card. Apparently a Christmas card.

@ragingloli: Who’s “Rich Evans”? Also, is it true that Germany is home to the best Christmas??

@uberbatman: His parents are killed, numerous boy wonders dead, Barbara Gordon paralyzed and raped, and this is where he snaps?! Good thing Peter Parker and Ben Reiley were on hand to calm him down.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Holidays seem to bring the really DUMB out in people. I was at Dillions having something faxed. There were 3 “bays,” that were just areas areas free of displays and stuff where the clerks could wait on people—like a bank teller. I was at the first one. The lady was doing my fax and I was waiting. Some lady came up behind me and asked if I could please move because she wanted to cash in a lottery ticket and get another. Before I could say anything the clerk at the second bay, just a few inches away, said, “I can help you over here, Maam.” She stared at me for a second like, “MOVE!” when all she had to do was move behind me and to the right a bit to the second window. She ended up reaching over my shoulder to hand the guy her ticket! The guy came out of that second window spot to get it and then said, “Would you step over here please?”
She did, giving me disgusted looks the whole time.

rojo's avatar

I must admit, I have felt like the guy in your third story @cookieman but I have never expressed it out loud.

until now.

ragingloli's avatar

@cookieman
You can see the Great and Only Rich Evans here:http://redlettermedia.com/best-of-the-worst-christmas-special/

Coloma's avatar

@rojo Haha, I found that to be rather funny, if not sad too. lol
@cookieman A Christmas “card”, I like that. Silly goose too. :-)

cookieman's avatar

@Dutchess_III: She needed the famous Steve Martin, “Well excuuuuUUssee meeeee!!!”

@rojo: Every year I try to convince my wife to buy gift cards for everyone (but our daughter). We’d be done in fifteen minutes.

YARNLADY's avatar

Two people in line were arguing about the cost of a gift. The line moved and they didn’t, so I asked “Are you in line?” The man said “Of course we are do you think I’m standing here for my health? He finally realized he was actually standing in the middle of an aisle and moved on to the check stand.

Then he yelled “It costs too much” and put it down, grabbed her arm and walked out.

One woman saw a sign that said “Free Pillsbuys recipes” and thought it meant the recipe books above on the shelf, rather than the little phamplets in the display. She held up a long line of people at the check stand insisting the 8 or so cookbooks she had taken were supposed to be free. A manager walked back to see the display, then came back and explained it to her, and handed her a handfull of the free ones. She stormed out leaving her entire basket full of groceries behind.

marinelife's avatar

Oh, boy, you are all full of holiday cheer. I am glad to say that I have not witnessed any meltdowns, but back in the old days when we celebrated the holidays by drinking, I remember my brother-in-law crawling—literally on hands and knees—off to bed! And to all a good night!

KNOWITALL's avatar

My bro—n-law, notorious grump, was ready to leave and pulled an imaginary “I bit through my tongue” and left early. What a nut!

cookieman's avatar

@KNOWITALL: Ah, that old trick. Did he have a fake blood capsule for effect?

KNOWITALL's avatar

@cookieman No, he touched his finger to his mouth and pretended to see blood. Then he even called back later after he got home asking what he should do to ease the pain. After we hung up the phone, we all burst out laughing because we all knew it was a blatant lie…lol

dxs's avatar

@KNOWITALL Invite him over next year and serve only yogurt and oatmeal and see how he responds.

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