General Question

JK9497's avatar

Why am I feeling like this with my girlfriend?

Asked by JK9497 (65 points ) January 14th, 2014

We have been going out for a while, but not as long as you would think, so our relationship is still growing. But lately, I have been feeling a little ‘odd’.
For example, I keep telling myself, what if she finds someone better, what if she finds a guy that has everything she wants. Around 3 months into the relationship, I was speaking with her and asking her questions, she answered honestly saying that my height disappointed her as so did my age. But she fell in love with me either way, and that she got over it. She tells me I treat her like a real Princess, that she fell in Love with the right man. I tell her that I fell in Love with the right woman, that she is perfect in my eyes. I know she will never cheat on me, yet I keep feeling this way. I think, what if she leaves me because I’m not mature enough, or what if she finds a tall guy, or mature, maybe both. We have discussed this before, along with me telling her that I want to spend the rest of my life with her and her only. To have a family, and so on. We cannot see into the future, so obviously I am freaked out on that side also. I think, what if I lose her, I don’t want to lose her. I don’t know… I need help, is it jealousy? Is it that I’m just THAT afraid to lose her? I just love her so much, it scares me and it hurts me. I can’t lose this woman, I can’t.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

8 Answers

jca's avatar

You mention your ages being a factor. What is your age? What is her age? You also mention your height. What is your height? I know some will say age is just a number and your height is irrelevant, but if she mentioned it, then it’s relevant. Can you fill in those details?

JK9497's avatar

@ica

I am 16, and she is 19. I will be turning 17 in Feb. My height is around 5’3 and she is maybe 5’5.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Wow. Okay, I’m not here to burst any bubbles, but know that the probability of you finding your “true love” that you’ll one day marry and have a family with at 16 is very low. I mean, it’s possible, but not probable.

Quite honestly, your age would bother me way more than your height if I were her. I mean, it’s only three years but I’d feel like a pedophile if I was with a 16-year-old when I was 19. That’s like…college freshman/sophomore and high school sophomore/junior. Yikes – what could you possibly have in common? My guess is that either you’re very mature for your age or she’s very immature for hers. The fact that she said your height “disappointed” her is making me lean toward the latter.

You’re probably so freaked out because you’ve never felt this way about someone before. It’s normal to like someone so much that you’re scared to lose them. However, this level of insecurity in your relationship will only hurt it. You need to chill out. If she leaves you for another guy just because he’s tall, you’re better off without her.

You MAY lose this girl, but there will be others if you do. You’re so young. It’s puppy love – infatuation at best. You need to be secure in the relationship or it’ll never develop into anything more than that.

On a happier note, I began dating my husband when we were 17. We’re now 24 and are thinking about starting a family toward the end of this year. So, meeting someone that you will eventually marry while you’re young is certainly possible, but no one knows what the future will bring. Statistics say we’ll end up divorced, so it’s not a happy ending just yet. Statistics also said we wouldn’t last through my college years, but we did. You just have to work on the relationship and go with the flow. Worrying about losing him will not make it less likely to happen.

JK9497's avatar

@livelaughlove21

Thank you for not sugar coating it or anything. I just want a straight forward answer and you have given it to me.

It seems you’re right, I’ve told her, if we love each other as much as we say we do (which we do) I’m sure our relationship will go as planned. Yes we will have our ups and downs, but if we do things how we’re supposed to, I’m sure everything should be fine. Once again, thank you, I am more calm now.

marinelife's avatar

If you feel that you can’t lose her, then work on your issues—these are your own insecurities. Do not discuss your feelings with her. Get a therapist and work on these issues.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

I was once quite the catch. I had men bend fifty directions to impress me, then if I DID show an interest, they’d get all dumb like you are. Let me tell you how things are from her end. There are two reasons why a girl would tell a guy honest feelings she has/had about him which may not be flattering. The first, obviously, would be to get rid of him. If she wanted that from you, you would know, without question. The other would be to solidify the relationship. She knows you are no dummy. She knows you aren’t fooling yourself into thinking you are the be-all of men. By telling you the honest truth, she is showing you that things which MIGHT bother her, don’t. She is trusting you to be strong enough to accept your own imperfections as much as she does.
I never left a guy over things which I had already accepted about him. Obsessing is the reason to dump a guy who is insecure about his value in his girl’s life.
She found the strength to be honest with you, and share what she knew could make you nervous. Now you need to find the strength to accept the truth, and not make her regret her choice to open up to you.
It sounds like she really is quite a catch. It also sounds like she has her heart set on you. Don’t blow it. Whatever it is she sees in you, holds value for her. Don’t question it, just do your best to live up to her devotion. Good luck my friend.

Leanne1986's avatar

You seem very intense which can be quite off putting in a relationship. I agree with @livelaughlove21, you need to relax. If you love each other enough then it will work and if you don’t or the love is mostly one sided then it won’t but worrying about it will eventually put such a strain on the relationship because, even if she really does love you, that kind of insecurity is exhausting. Relax and enjoy it the now, only time will tell about the future.

jlk2525's avatar

I think you need to work on that insecurity you have as if anything will push her away, it will be your behaviour stemming from that. My best friend has been with her boyfriend for ten years since they were 14 and I know quite a few couples engaged in their twenties that met in their teens. Just enjoy what you have between you. If its an honest, real love it shouldn’t be hard for at least the first year or two.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther