Social Question

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

How robust is your friendship in face of adversity?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (22134 points ) March 14th, 2014

Many have friends, some since high school, college, serving in the military and they believe they are vibrant, robust relationships. When the redacted hits the fan, and the relationship is tested by some major trial, how will yours survive? Which of these are closest to where you’d be?

• I can forgive a friend (even if it took a while) no matter what they did, to me or to anyone else.
• I can forgive them of doing something terrible to me, but I can’t forgive them if they did something foul to someone else that wasn’t me.
• I can’t forgive them of something they did to me but if it were someone else, I could.
• If they did something to me I would not forgive them just as I would not forgive them of doing something to someone else.

The person to whom the terrible thing was done was not anyone you know, by name, face, or any other indication. Could your friendship continue or would you toss the friendship in the toilet and forever hold a grudge against them?

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13 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

Me and my mom are all I have… I’ve known her all my life and I trust her.

Coloma's avatar

I’ll dump anyone without a backwards glance if they lie to me, are manipulative or can’t handle an attempt at a healthy discussion about a behavior that is problematic.
Life’s too short to deal with others character defects, low self esteem, shitty communication issues, etc.
Blind devotion in the face of unhealthy behaviors is not a virtue.

Next.

GloPro's avatar

Some friendships are meant to run a course and fade out, and that’s OK. Apathy is not forgiveness nor acceptance.

Coloma's avatar

@GloPro Well said..I agree 100%.

whitenoise's avatar

I am willing to forgive anything, but would need a good reason to do so if the issue is serious.

Trust takes time to heal.

Cruiser's avatar

I had a friend turn me into the feds for something I was indirectly involve with that he totally screwed up on. I understand the necessity of adding my name to the list of all involved….but doing so put my freedom in jeopardy and the 3 months of negotiations with the Feds to keep my ass out of jail was intense and expensive. Based on the friendship we once had, I have forgiven him, but we have not spoke since that day 18 years ago and if I ever saw him again I would be very hard pressed to not pound the snot out of him for what he did to me.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@GloPro Some friendships are meant to run a course and fade out, and that’s OK.
That would make it more like a close acquaintanceship, than a close friendship. If you did not expect to know them for life as friends, they never really were, just people you know well for a time.

whitenoise's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central
I disagree too…

Friendships are based on intent, reciprocity, circumstances. Some just don’t survive…

GloPro's avatar

… And people are constantly growing, changing, and evolving. Not always in the same direction.

KNOWITALL's avatar

For me, it’s easy to forgive with a heartfelt apology or sincere regret.

What I can’t get over is knowing that someone I care about is unworthy of that caring or friendship.

When it gets to the point that I feel I lose respect and trust with a friend based on their treatment of anyone, then I let go with few regrets.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@KNOWITALL What I can’t get over is knowing that someone I care about is unworthy of that caring or friendship.
When it gets to the point that I feel I lose respect and trust with a friend based on their treatment of anyone, then I let go with few regrets.
I guess that is why Christ has a name above all names, when we could not be trusted and did not deserve respect, He still loved us so much as to endure the shame of the cross for us. If He decided we acted to foul for Him to forgive us, where would we be?

KNOWITALL's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Yes, exactly. He’s perfect, I am flawed.

When someone I loved got into drugs, he did some pretty bad things, even robbed his mother who was battling cancer at the time. He’s done his time and is into NA and treatment, but I can’t be around him much. Sometimes, I think it’s better to leave redemption between them and God.

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