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Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

[NSFW] Question reprise: How much past intimate info do you share with your present mate?

Asked by Hypocrisy_Central (22110 points ) August 1st, 2014

It has been some time, so I figure we can revisit this question because there are new Flutheronians that might impart a fresh view of it. How much info should one share of past intimate relationships they had before their present partner, be it with hookers, if they were hooking selling their own self, people they were in relationships with, transgendered, working in the porn industry, etc.? If they were asked and not offered, should they answer? If they answered is there anything to gain?

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19 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

I don’t volunteer info unless it will directly affect the person I am with. But I honestly answer any question asked of me. Part of the discussion, though, is a discussion on “don’t ask any question to which the answer you can’t handle.”

livelaughlove21's avatar

My husband knows about all zero of my past sexual experiences. I did give a blowy or two before we met, which he knows about, but I was a virgin otherwise. I’m actually glad I don’t have a scandalous past that I’d have to tell him about (or not). He slept with a few girls before me, but it was all very vanilla – he was a teenager, so how juicy could it get? Unless you call losing your virginity at 14 to a 19-year-old girl with a loose vagina in a mud hole juicy. I just call it hilarious.

ucme's avatar

Far more than I ever would with various plebs on the internet.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

My wife knows everything, and there’s a lot.

Why would I be involved with anyone I can’t reveal all to?

elbanditoroso's avatar

I think that the answer is really dependent on the age of the people.

I’m in my late 50s, and I cannot imagine a new partner now asking about (or caring about) my love live from 40, 30, 20, or even 10 years ago.

On the other hand, if I were 25 now (if only) then I might be a whole lot more interested.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

My experiences have made me the person I am today.

My partner’s curiosity proves her complete investment in who she sees standing before her.

SavoirFaire's avatar

I’m with @SecondHandStoke on this one. My wife knows everything, and I wouldn’t want to be in a serious relationship with someone who couldn’t handle that.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@livelaughlove21 He slept with a few girls before me, but it was all very vanilla – he was a teenager, so how juicy could it get? Unless you call losing your virginity at 14 to a 19-year-old girl with a loose vagina in a mud hole juicy. I just call it hilarious.
That could be a question in itself. Seeing it sounds as if she were the initiator, and for sure pass the age of being a minor as he was, did he feel like a victim, that he was ”used” as an instrument for her sexual gratification? Society might see her as a pedophile because ”surely she was older and should have known better, and to get someone her own age”, does he view her as a perv or predator?

@SavoirFaire My wife knows everything, and I wouldn’t want to be in a serious relationship with someone who couldn’t handle that.
Quite a few people think with their crotch, they never get around to how many people they been with because maybe they never believe things will get that serious, or last that long, so it won’t be that important. They then have expectations the spouse can’t live up too, such as they believe because they had only 3 partners, their present partner should be somewhat the same, when it is discovered they has sex with 13, 17, 22 people, it causes problems.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central No to both questions. He told her he was 17 and the whole thing was arranged by his friend, who was the girl’s cousin. The whole thing is pretty gross to me, but the worst part for him was the whole throwing-a-hotdog-down-a-hallway feeling.

SavoirFaire's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central That’s exactly why people should be more honest. They should also be less prudish. Someone has a different amount of experience than you? That’s literally meaningless unless you hold onto some silly idea that they shouldn’t have had that amount of sex.

SABOTEUR's avatar

I shared everything.

Only because I met her online and didn’t believe there was a snowball’s chance in hell we’d ever meet, much less develop a relationship.

We’ve been together 10 months!

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Wishing you the best @SABOTEUR

I met my wife online too, in a chatroom no less. It’s been 6 incredible years now.

Online courting can work very well when both parties use a policy of complete honesty.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Thanks @SecondHandStoke.

The funny thing is, I tried my darned ness not to meet this woman. My wife had recently passed away and I was experiencing leg pain due to a sciatic nerve condition. Was not in the mood for anything, and I really wasn’t interested in dating.

She wore me down. Finally persuaded me to meet with her. We spent Christmas Eve together.

Been together ever since.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

I also had no intention of getting involved again so soon.

But everything was just too right.

SABOTEUR's avatar

Well it’s encouraging to learn your relationship turned out well.

Seems there’s hope for me after all!

Thanks again.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@livelaughlove21 He told her he was 17 and the whole thing was arranged by his friend, who was the girl’s cousin
I wonder if that would be enough to get her out of the lion’s mouth if she were male with a person he was told was 17, but actually 14. Even at 17 depending on which state you are in she would still be south of the law, and considered a perv even with a year apart; but we don’t factor in logic, we just go by the law, and what state he was in, he might have been a ”victim” no matter what.Certainly an interesting question…….

@SABOTEUR Only because I met her online and didn’t believe there was a snowball’s chance in hell we’d ever meet, much less develop a relationship.
Now that is fodder for an interesting Fluther question in itself.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central Not really. Of course what she did was against the law, regardless of how old she thought he was. However, it’s sort of a non-issue at this point – being 10 years ago and no one even considering pressing charges then or now.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@livelaughlove21 However, it’s sort of a non-issue at this point – being 10 years ago and no one even considering pressing charges then or now.
I know the option of anyone prosecuting or bring charges is long gone; that ship was out of the harbor long ago. My point was that popular pundits, even here in past threads, would have dubbed her a creep even if she thought he was older and within a year of her, but simply because she knew he was a minor and decided to boink him anyhow made her a predator and him a victim, even if he was grinning ear-to-ear, so to speak. Situations like that happen in principal even if not in exact details but the older participant is always branded the bag guy. Too bad his 1st time was less than stellar, but he wasn’t the 1st, and won’t be the last to have a 1st time such as that.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Hypocrisy_Central A 17-year-old is not considered a minor here in regards to sexual consent. She was a creep, for more reasons than thinking some little boy was old enough for her to “boink.” Whether he was a victim or not is not for me (or any other random person on the Internet) to decide.

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