General Question

fuglyduckling's avatar

Why do I like someone so fast and so passionately?

Asked by fuglyduckling (405 points ) August 30th, 2014

I am picky in that I can’t be sexually attracted to and like just anyone. However when I meet someone who is both physically and intellectually appealing to me, which is quite rare, I like them instantly and passionately. It feels unhealthy as I always end up getting heart broken. Why is it that I ‘fall for’ or start liking these guys so fast? Could be after one conversation or one date… I just am down to be with them and work around our differences.

This is now happening with someone who only seeks casual sex, has had many sexual partners in the past and doesn’t like relationships. I don’t understand how I can feel so passionately about someone like this so quickly as it won’t work, he doesn’t care about it…

Why is this? Am I needy, or weak? I am completely fine alone by the way (doing things alone, being single etc.) but I am also a hopeless romantic.

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9 Answers

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Because you’re young, naive, and weak.. but that’s okay.

Keep it up and you’ll be old, tainted, and broken… before your time.

ninjacolin's avatar

Because you don’t care. If you cared about making it work you would make them wait and make yourselves prove your worth to eachother across time.

janbb's avatar

I have had a similar issue in some ways. You have to start using your mind more than your emotions. Not easy to do. Since you are in the early stages of infatuation with this guy and already know he is wrong for you, break off any contact with him. Work on training your mind not to think of him. It’s not easy to do but practice will help. Work on developing your own sense of self worth and enjoyment in the activities you love.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

You see the beauty inside them.

Not everyone is sensitive to this.

bluish's avatar

Wow this sounds like the story of my life.
I don’t know if this is going to help at all, but I’ve been like that forever and now I just enjoy the drama that just happens every time. I’m terrible at giving advice.

Haleth's avatar

When you fall for someone, your brain releases a cocktail of happy chemicals, including oxytocin, the cuddle hormone. The feeling is magnified if you have sex with that person.

A nice thing about getting older is you can separate the butterflies, infatuation feeling from someone’s actual merits. Having the butterflies for someone makes you prone to idealize them and explain away their flaws (“I just am down to be with them and work around our differences”). It’s important to mentally step aside for a second and think about who they really are. What if your friend or sister had a crush on them? Or what if you had a daughter, and she were crushing on someone like them? Would you want them to enter that relationship?

I’m guessing (since I’ve been there) that you fall for these people so quickly because you daydream about them a lot. Or maybe you imagine things about them that you haven’t learned yet (like, he seems smart, maybe we share the same taste in books, he’s special, he gets me.) And if you are young or have low self esteem, it’s really easy to let your imagination run away over stuff like that. Because if you have low self esteem, it’s easy to think that other people don’t really care about you that much, which makes the crush seem that much more special. (Spending quality time with friends and family is a great antidote to a runaway crush.)

Daydreaming is like playing a tape in your head where nice things happen, it makes you happy, and it almost certainly releases all those happy crush-making chemicals in your brain. I’m not saying don’t daydream, because that’s half the fun of having a crush! But you should be aware of how it might affect you. It puts more into a crush than what’s really there.

With experience, you can be an objective judge of a person’s character while still having a massive crush on them. You can even kind of enjoy it. It’s a pretty special feeling, after all.

Kardamom's avatar

@Haleth said it perfectly.

SecondHandStoke's avatar

Mmmmmmmm.

Sweet delicious Oxytocin.

It also makes mothers better lovers.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Lust, because they appeal to you on a metaphysical as well as tangible level, you desire to have them as a main diet for some time to come not thinking of the unknowns you don’t see. In short, it is all about fulfilling the cravings of the flesh, and though you might be able to manage will alone, you are bamboozling yourself because you really want someone.

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