How do I handle this situation in school?
I’ve stopped going to my psych class. I have it three days a week, MWF, and I can’t stomach it anymore.
For most of life I’ve fought with what I can only assume is extreme paranoia. Having the constant notion that friends hate me, family hates me, pretty much the world is against. When times are great I some how find a way to crash them down. Like a part of me wont let me be happy. Sometimes I hear a voice, my own, telling me things are bad.
I met my girlfriend almost two years ago. She spent the first year helping me with it. It wasn’t easy. Along the whole way, that voice kept telling me to leave her. I started fights for no reason, almost looking for a way of the most functional relationship I’ve ever had, because I couldn’t let myself be happy.
Almost a year ago to this day all those thoughts and feelings finally went away. The past year has been the happiest of my life. I owe my girlfriend everything, and I don’t think I tell her that enough.
In September I started college and got hit with a psychology class. Everything was fine at first, but the deeper we got into it, I started to remember everything I had been through. Suddenly I could feel everything I spent 10 years trying to suppress was coming back. So I stopped going. Things finally started going back to normal and I was beginning to worry about my grade in the class. Last Friday I forced myself to go. What a day to pick, it was the beginning of mental disorders. Every delusion I’ve had, every friend I’ve thrown away, made their way back into my mind. It was 50 minutes of agony, a reminder of the way I was, still am deep down. At the end of the class I felt sick.
I don’t feel like I can go back. I don’t know what to do. The only person who knows this about me is my girlfriend. I was never able to make it all go away, but I got damn god at hiding it from everyone. I can’t let that part of my life come back again, I spent too long to make it go away, but I can’t keep ditching class like this. Not my first year of college. I am completely lost on what to do.
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.