The Stammerer's Etiquette Dilemma?
Asked by
robmandu (
21331
)
December 16th, 2008
I’ve an acquaintance who stutters. I don’t really know him well enough to ask these kinds of questions.
When he gets hung up on a word, what should I do?
A) Finish the word for him.
B) Let him work his way through it alone.
Personally, I tend towards (B) for now thinking that therapy involves the stammerer taking care to enunciate words in a certain way… and I don’t want to interfere with that.
On the other hand, if another buddy of mine, who does not have a speech impediment, were to get hung up on a word, I’d probably suggest it automatically.
In other words, I’m treating the stammerer differently than someone else… and often times people with physical challenges make the case that they don’t want to be treated any differently at all.
This isn’t a big deal… but in the throes of a long conversation with the stammerer, it’s all I can think about.
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6 Answers
I always let them work their way through it. I do understand your point of view regarding treating the stutter differently though, and I do help non-stuttering friends if they’re caught up in a word.
If it’s distracting you from the conversation though, why not ask the person how they’d like you to act in such situations? Even though I would imagine most stutterers would say an answer along the lines of your B, it removes the issue from being your problem or something you need to think about all the time. Or maybe they’d be fine with you finishing their words, thus giving you the opportunity to do so.
I have a friend who stutters and initially I tend to go with option B, just like you do.
If we’re in a long conversation or are spending some time together it kind of natural evolves into me giving him some sort of acknowledgment once I understand where he’s going with a thought and then he moves on. So I might just give him the nod or throw an ‘uh huh’ in there, like you would with anyone else. I don’t finish his words for him, just let him know I’m with him and we can move on.
I guess it’s worth saying that I’ve had a couple of times where third parties who don’t know one or both of us have “stood up” for him and let me know I was being rude. He (the stutterer) genuinely doesn’t mind but does seem to love it when young ladies come to his aid.
Just DON“T fall asleep as they work through it.
@funk, I’ve got a stutterer friend and you nailed it.
I don’t try to finish his sentences at any time.
I agree with steelmarket…I have a stutterer family member. Just keep looking engaged and let them finish what they started (so to speak). Focus not on the stuttering, but on the topic and flavor of the conversation so you forget yourself they are stuttering, which makes it easier for the stutterer to stop (if they can).
I had a cousin (now passed) who had a stutter. It was relatively mild, but I had to fight the urge to finish his sentences for him.
Interestingly enough, he never stuttered or hesitated when he was singing.
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