Why have so many kids?

I’ve always wanted to know that myself. i do not understand it at all, i never want to bring kids into this world but if i do i want to make sure i’m making enough money to care for them so i’m not worrying about how i’m going to afford groceries, school supplies, clothes and i’d love for them to have an edge so extracurricular activities.

sometimes i think people just have children to have children because it’s been pushed into our heads for so long, its sorta romanticized now. i know so many people that have no jobs but are trying to get pregnant! why?

maybe they feel that since they are poor they can at least make up by having kids and usually the more kids you have the more you get back from the government but maybe we should do a survey? haha

I agree with you 100% but going by what I have heard some of these people say, and having some bad experiences with government help, I think I have a reason… Don’t know if it is right.
Basically to get a sufficient amount of help from the goverment you have to be dirt poor, with child out of wedlock, or have an army of kids. They set the bar too high.
Option A: people have to choose between getting a job, not being able to get by with what you make, yet still can’t qualify for government aide. There aren’t many jobs that pay low enough for you to get help and high enough to barely get by at the same time.
Option B: Stay unemployed and get money for free. The more kids you have the more money you get, so why the hell not? You love being a parent anyway and your bills are paid for you.
(not saying I agree with this theory)
I have a friend who is disabled and the only way she will get money is if she moves out of her parents house. Because of her disability she is unable to get a job so obviously she can’t move out. It’s hard for her to move out because she still depends on her parents, due to her disability, but they don’t support her financially.
I don’t know if I am making much sense here, but basically it is just really hard to get government aide. People have to take drastic measures to get money, and popping babies out is one of those drastic measures
I am a single mom and at the college I go to they have a “New Beginnings” program for single moms. (It’s pretty much a grant and they pay for childcare or gas to get to school, your choice) I make roughly 1400 a month and I made too much to get this aide. 1400 a month really is not that much, even in the small town I live in. Rent was 405, car was 345, electricity was 80 bucks at the lowest, gas about 80 a month, groceries about 200…medical expenses, cell phone, loan payments… You get the idea. I didn’t make enough money and I still could not get help. I personally would never have another kid just to qualify for that, but I have learned that is just some peoples logic. I don’t understand the reasoning behind it, but I have heard it used as a reason.

PLUS, if these people are dirt poor they use the excuse of not being able to afford birth control. (Even though most cities have a planned parenthood that hand that stuff out for free.) Not a good excuse to me, but I have heard that one before too.

This is one of those things that bothers me to untellable extents. Don’t have kids because you’re bored. Have ONE or TWO and raise them well… not 7 and raise them neglectfully or overly dominating.

We did the same, but always made sure that they had the stuff they needed. I can’t see beating someone up for having kids, it seems to me that some people can’t afford an abortion, or they just don’t believe in them.
I myself could never abort, I did however get my tubes tied for 2 reasons, one finances, and another, another would probably kill me, and age is factored in there too. I wanted 8, but could only have 4.I personally think that all of them are gifts from God, and would never have rejected any of them.

You very seldom see people without education or good job prospects START their families in their 20’s or 30’s. Most begin their families when the parents are in their teens and frankly motivated by hormones instead of brains.

They may think parenthood as instant adulthood, they usually have no economic sense, they may want someone to love them without understanding that children take much more materially than they give emotionally. By the time they figure out how wrong they are, it is usually too late and having children is the only thing they can do. They fall into a lifestyle where they can never get out of the hole and assistance from friends, family, strangers and govt become habit and their poverty seem insurmouniable. They age faster than average because in the US health costs money and by the time their children are grown they find themselves too tired and beaten down to change their lives or more likely they find themselves saddled with raising grandchildren.

Krose
Since the 96/97 welfare reform, mothers no longer receive more cash aide per child. And, eligibility for benefits have a lifetime cap. While there are some that do scam the system (10 to14%) welfare reform has cleaned up the system a lot from the old days.

My answers were just that… Answers. I have talked to people in this situation and that was their rant. I don’t know how these things work.

Until the government pays people to NOT have children, and stay in good health and be educated, etc., the energy goes toward the incentive.

Not every kid is by choice.
I am a serious accident, my mom was on the rhythm method, a diaphragm and my father was wearing a condom.

Just saying, not everyone chooses to expand their family and not everyone is willing to abort when they’ve already taken all precautions.

I think everyone was pretty much talking about people that actually insist on having kids while knowing what financial state they are or are not able to adequately be parents due to lack of resources…. not people that had serious accidents and are trying to make the best of it.

Opportunity cost.

The more money you can make at a job, the more things that make it difficult to work cost you. So if you make 100,000, and you have a kid and stay home for five years, you lose 500K. Half a mil.

On the other hand, if you have no job, and no prospects of getting a job, then having a kid costs you nothing. In fact, it might even bring in a little income if it entitles you to benefits.

This is why middle and upper middle class couples delay having kids until they’ve earned a lot of money (enabling them to take care of the kids in a way they think is proper), and they limit the size of their families.

Wealthy families also can have a lot of kids, because it costs them little, as well. They can hire nannies and such, and not notice it. In fact, there is actually a recent phenomenon where upper middle class women are having a third and fourth child as a sign of wealth. Hubby makes enough that they can afford all these kids. Nanny, nanny, boo boo.

If kids make it hard to earn a living, you don’t have as many. If kids don’t take anything away from your income, as is the case for both the very wealthy and the very poor, then there is no reason not to have many kids.

@tiny: That seems to be where the conversation went in the responses, but my answer to the original question still applies I think.

They are cheaper by the dozen.

Raising kids can be entertaining.
The older ones take care of the younger ones.
Hopes of one of them taking care of them when they get old.
Increased welfare from the state.
Extra organ donors.
Sometimes they are accidents.
Making them passes the time if you get bored.

Sorry asmonet, if your parents were using triple protection they must have gotten careless. Why are there so many “accidents” when birth control used correctly is so effective? Da nile must run through their sex life!

@gal: Heh, my mom is actually super fertile, a lot of the women in my family get pregnant regardless of how vigilant they are.

It’s why I have something like forty first and second cousins.

My daughter’s classmate’s mom with 8 kids says that each child is a blessing from Jesus, and she wants to have a 9th.

I’d rather be blessed with something else if possible.

I really don’t thing that any child or life is a “mistake”. Every life has a soul. There that is my preaching for now, lol. I really think it comes down to personal preference, and unintentional pregnancy. (not a mistake) No one can really say WHY one family has 6 kids, and another 1, each family is different, and there are many different reasons for them having kids.
I think one difference though is that some parents are good ones, and others are not. A parent that makes less money, might be a better parent than one with money, and that comes down to them paying attention to the child and making sure that they are loved and learning, whereas a rich parent might only pass off money to pacify the child.

@tiggersmom

Can you be a good parent if you can’t support your child, though? I’m not talking about rich verses lower middle class, I’m talking about the people that sign up every year with social services to get donated Christmas gifts for their kids because they can’t afford to buy any, the ones who use food stamps and still can’t supply balanced meals because junk food is so much cheaper than fresh fruits and vegetables, parents who’s kids have crooked or rotten teeth because they can’t afford dental care, kids who go to school every year in used clothes and hand me downs, and on and on and on…..

If you’ve got 1 or 2 or 3 kids living like that, why would you do that to another one? Birth control is not rocket science, and rubbers are cheap. Why not stop and use what few resources you do have to make life better for your current kids?

I can be a good parent, and am, we are not wealthy, and have had to apply for assistance a few times, but I tell you, we sure didn’t live on it. If you budget the cash and the food stamps just right, you can make it, buy food pay the bills, and get clothing, and gas.
It really is tough, but even some lower middle class can apply for medicaid and get the childrens medical seen to. I am not saying that you have to stay on these programs, but it does help.
I don’t condone people continually having children when they can’t afford it, and I know of a case where the mother was made to have her tubes tied because she was not a good mother. In situations like that, I am comfortable saying that something should be done about it.
I mean she was terrible, she slapped her 2 year old in the face one time in front of me, so I called her in, and that was the first time of many that she got in trouble for the treatment of those poor kids. I guess I might not be making my point here, I don’t agree with too many kids when you can’t afford it.
I can’t see making them abort eiter, I am against it, and I think that taking the child when the parent is a good one and putting it up for adoption. Not an easy solution in there is there?

@syz: My mom has done just about 80% of your list. We were always clean, up to date with doctors visits and had balanced meals – all three of us. But the rest of our post…kinda pissed me the fuck off.

Well, there are always the Duggera! I watched that show for a while until Pa bragged about how he trained Ma to be better organized. Evidently she was having problems when they had just 6 kids, but with his guidance she can now deal with 17 or 18. There is one woman praying for menopause.

I am the youngest of 6 kids and we were definitely lower class. I remember our parents talking with us about the electricity possibly being turned off for a little while. Our church gave us food most months. We usually didn’t have a lot of presents on Christmas and I think the my parents got help with that sometimes too. In my opinion the fact that they could not provide for us did not make them bad parents. (They did do other things that could be labeled as bad parenting, but that’s waaaaaaay off topic.) I think they were good parents for accepting charity to give us a Christmas or put food in our stomachs. They loved us the best way they knew how and all of us turned out pretty normal. I think it actually has driven us to work harder so we won’t raise our children in the same conditions. I think I am the only one of my family that wants to have more than 3 kids, but I always say I don’t want anymore than I can afford.

Just like everything else you can’t judge or stereotype all large families that may be living off of welfare. They may be the happiest family in the world and love each other so much that second hand clothes are worth having four older sisters that love you. I liked my second hand clothes. Don’t be so quick to judge. Be careful what you automatically think or say because you could really hurt someones feelings. Stay open-minded and maybe talk to someone who has been in this situation.

**us being me and my five siblings

As the oldest of six kids, I got sent to make partial payments on bills and I was the one who answered the phone when bill collectors called. Both my parents always worked and that put an additional stress, as they had to depend on others to raise their children. When I left home at 18 and was no longer there to pick up the slack, the marriage ended. Three of us managed to get educations on our own (2 on the GI Bill)but that would be almost impossible today.

@gal- yeah I know what you mean. I remember being in grade school and giving my parents the 50 dollars I saved up. I would even take out of my savings my grandma opened for me… but when my grandma found out why I was taking it out she got mad and wouldn’t take it out for me anymore.
I too am paying for my own college and working my ass off to make it on my own. I feel like I learned from my parents mistakes and my childhood past. I just feel like my parents did everything they could but it was just more than they ever expected.

apart from obvious reasons such as bad contraception or nothing better to do on a Saturday night, I will add my personal experience here:

My daughter was born with a teratoma, which basically is a type of lump. Luckily it was nothing serious, got removed straightaway and happened to be at the bottom of her spine, which means the scars of her operation are not even visible. For a variety of reasons I’ve had to bring her up on my own, and I only just paid off for her operation a few months ago (after more than 3 years of struggling to make ends meet). She is getting 2 presents for Christmas, both of which I bought at the local supermarket for less than $50 total, which is still more than I can afford. And I consider us to be quite lucky, since I have a regular source of income, despite working very little right now.

At the end of every single day, I thank the god of malfunctioning sonogrammes that the doctors missed her condition when we were doing the scan. They would have probably persuaded my wife to have an abortion. What I have now is a healthy little child with a smile that makes everything else alright. And this is why parents love kids, even if they have no money. Perhaps particularly then. Because they realise how children are the greatest treasure in the whole world.

Because they are selfish. I am thinking about people who get pregnant on purpose when they know they can’t afford it.
I’ve met people who struggle to support the children they have and are trying to have another child. One said it was because she didn’t want her child to be an only child. Another said it was because she wanted to have a child with her current boyfriend/husband. There was the coworker who had to apply for food stamps. She had 3 boys and was trying for a girl. The other girl who missed having a child under 5 in the household. The guy who wanted a son to carry on his name. Another couple who said that their religion required them to have all the children they could.