General Question

jazzjeppe's avatar

Would you date someone who is obese?

Asked by jazzjeppe (2266 points ) December 21st, 2008
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

105 Answers

Lightlyseared's avatar

I judge people on primarily on their personality not their looks so being obese would not be a deal breaker for me.

buster's avatar

I already am.

critter1982's avatar

It depends on the situation and the attraction. Before I was married obviously, I didn’t date ladies I was unattracted to. No matter how much people stress that it’s only on the inside that counts, I still need to be attracted to the person on the outside. I am in no way advocating that obese people cannot be attractive, I have some friends who are, but intimacy is such a strong part of a bf/gf and marriage relationship and I would find it difficult to be intimate with somebody I don’t find attractive. Being obese is not directly unattractive but I don’t typically find obesity to be attractive. So again it likely depends on the situation. Also I typically only ever dated athletic girls (not girly girls) because I am attracted to women who can kick my @$$ at basketball. If a girl wasn’t capable of playing sports that would also diminish any sort of attraction towards them.

girlofscience's avatar

No way, no how. I hate fat people. I could never be friends with one, let alone date one.

90s_kid's avatar

That is SO mean jazzjeppe. If I am interested in a girl that s obese, I would date her. Plus, that is a mean way to judge people.

PupnTaco's avatar

I’m not personally attracted to heavy people, and that’s part of the whole picture for me, so no.

@girlifscience: would you say that to someone’s face?

critter1982's avatar

@girl: Really? Hate is such a strong word to use. Why in particular do you hate fat people?

buster's avatar

I hate fat people? WTF? Couldn’t even be friends with one? I hope your metabolism shuts down and you blow up to 500 Ilbs.

90s_kid's avatar

@ buster
I think the same thing
I am overall more slim for my age, but I am OK with dating an obese person.

seVen's avatar

I could,..all it matters to me is her character and if she’ll be a potentially good candidate for good/great wife/mom for my future kids.

windex's avatar

90% personality, 10% looks but STILL if someone does not care about his/her own health and well being, I say no thank you!

Also I prefer chubby girls or at least medium (thin is a no no for me)

jazzjeppe's avatar

Thanks for your answers! Reason why I am asking is obviously because I have a personal relation to the question, which is that I am rather obese myself. 130kg-ish I think. But I concider myself to be a perfectly cool man anyway. Sure, I haven’t had the pleasure of kissing a girl for seven years and I am kinda trying to live by the fact that I will be living alone for the rest of my life. But it isn’t only because of my physical health. Being obese is complicated and when we’re talking medical obesity it is not only to “diet it off”. I do think that people still find me a nice chap and cute and cuddly. But I have also realized what Critter was saying: there is a question about attraction. In order to love me, someone also need to be attracted by me sexually and that is a rare situation…

Thanks all!

bythebay's avatar

That’s pretty harsh, girlofscience. I can see not being physically attracted to someone who is obese, but to state that you hate anyone in that situation is a bold statement. What if you found your parents or siblings or even current friends in such a state, perhaps because of a medical condition?

@jazz: Don’t give up, there’s somebody for everybody – she just hasn’t found you yet!

LKidKyle1985's avatar

@ girlofscience you get lurve for being brutally honest, and representing the silent majority who probably doesn’t want to post a similar opinion because everyone will rag on them for it.
I have similar feelings but I wouldn’t go as far as saying I hate them, I do however get extremely frustrated with people who are killing themselves by over indulging.
Now to address the question, no I dont think I ever could date an obese person, I guess in a way I feel like someones appearance says something about a person. I am not saying obese people are not wonderful people, but what ever it is about their personality that allows them to find themselves in their situation just is not attractive to me. Now I have heard all the mumble jumble about it being a medical issue and some people just can’t help it, and I am sure this is true for some people. But not 1/3 of american adults are medically incapable of being thin. So lets not even start that argument again.
Now, to say I could never love an obese person? this is not true, I am sure if I married someone and over the years the weight packed on I could still love them. But if I loved them I think it would be difficult to let that happen to them. Not just for looks but health too. So I am not necessarily proud to say it, but looks are def an important factor when I am looking to date someone or get romantically involved.
And just to be clear, I am not trying to say your weight is not medical or is jazz, I am just saying in general and regarding your question. so don’t take it the wrong way like I am trying to back you into a corner.

jazzjeppe's avatar

@Kyle I appreciate your and @ girlofscience’s replies. I do agree, there is a silent majority thinking what you are thinking and I don’t blame you for that. I probably would blame media instead :)

No, but seriously, we all have different preferences on what we like, what we are attracted to and what we adore and that is what makes us individuals. Some like ‘em big, some like ‘em short, tall, thick, thin, cool, tough, rough, gentle, friendly, nasty, rude etc.
Thanks!

LKidKyle1985's avatar

You know jazz, maybe the majority of society thinks like me and girl of science, or maybe I made a false assumption about the silent majority. But I know for sure that what ever the case is, it isn’t all about looks for everyone. And maybe you think okay sure, just because some people say it on fluther doesn’t mean its actually true. But it is, I think the real issue is having confidence in yourself, and putting yourself on the line when there is someone you want. It’s really about selling yourself as an individual. We all have bad qualities about us, thin fat smart stupid ect. But most of us can find someone who loves us. Just be clean, charming, and not afraid of rejection/have confidence. Maybe I am just rattling on, but one thing I learned in sales is if you are not doing well with an approach to something, try another approach that makes you uncomfortable and is different. Its the only way to find out what works and to improve your skills. Same thing with love. So don’t settle on the possibility that you will be alone for the rest of your life, because the only thing making that a possibility is your own determination. Believe me their are people with less to offer than you that have more going on in their love life, and their are people with more to offer who have nothing. Its all how you play the game, you wont get anywhere if you fold every hand :D

Cardinal's avatar

Depends on the degree of blubber. prob yesy unless they were VERY VERY over weight.

laureth's avatar

A person is considered obese when his or her weight is 20% or more above normal weight.

This could be a 5-foot-6 woman who weighs 144 lbs, or a 6-foot man who weighs 179 lbs, if they have a small frame (based on this weight chart)

It’s not difficult in this society to be considered obese. It’s not just people who are so fat that they need to ride the mechanical cart at the grocery store.

And hell yes I would date one. My husband, at 5’10” and 210 is “obese” but he looks just like a normal guy with a bit of tummy pudge, and I love him to pieces. If I didn’t “date the obese,” I’d be missing out on the goodness that is Mr. Laureth. And he’d be missing out on the goodness that is me.

jessturtle23's avatar

I like guys with meat on them. Skinny guys don’t do it for me.

90s_kid's avatar

@ laureth
that chart cannot be true! If so, I am 30 pounds underweight!

In other ones, I am 2 pounds away from being underweight

maybe it is because I am still considered a “teenager” and not a “man”
how insulting just kidding. But I am 14 and 5’3’’ and am just over 100 lbs—i think about 102 or so.

El_Cadejo's avatar

No. Chunky sure, obese no. Yea personality matters much more than looks, but 90% of the time its someones looks that gets you initially hooked then you get to know them better and realize you really like them. I dont find obesity the least bit attractive.

i also like to have sex and not worry that i may be doing a roll and not a hole :P

syz's avatar

Nasty, uber

90s_kid's avatar

@ Uberbatman that so messed up

critter1982's avatar

I fail to see why girlofscience should receive praise for being brutally honest? Since when is it okay to hate somebody because of their appearance? People obviously have a right to date whomever they want, for any reason they want, but to come out and say I hate fat people (whether they are fat because of a poor diet, lack of exercise, a multitude of medical conditions, inherent family trait) is beyond ignorance and is purely superficial. Girlofscience I bet you carry a little dog around in a Coach purse don’t you?

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Its my lurve and I will do what I want with it! no lurve for you for questioning the use of my lurve!

critter1982's avatar

I don’t want your tainted lurve anyways.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

lol tainted? come on I gave one of the best and helpful replies on here.

cookieman's avatar

tainted lurve. ooh oh. tainted lurve Hmm, wha…oh, sorry, was singing

Anyway, as you can surmise from my avatar, I’m a big guy.
6’, 280lbs. My wife is also a pork chop. So I have no problem with pudgy people.

It’s the skinny folks who exist on smokes and diet soda I could never date. Have a cookie for the love of Pete.

90s_kid's avatar

@ critter
I know!
If there is a question : What is 2+2? everyone says 4 except one that says 5. OOO luuuuuruve for being the different thinker OOOOOO.
Now I kinda get what you mean. But you have to keep in mind that this is an opinion question so LkidKyle may have a point. Either way, whhat girlsofscience said was extremely mean.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

I didn’t give her lurve for being original or different, I gave her lurve for being honest. I feel like too many people sugar coat their answers in questions like this and its refreshing to see someone be straight up. I agree it was mean, but I think I made a good point that it doesn’t matter what you are or have to offer, its about your game.

galileogirl's avatar

I think the girls NEED all the lurve they can get. Something must be very scary to make someone hate millions of people they don’t even know. Girls, when you see 145 lb woman or a 195 lb man are you compelled to spew hate at them or do you keep it buried inside?

LK fear is reactive not honest, but lurve them sypathetically.

figbash's avatar

@jazzjeppe: Personality, brains, and thoughtfulness go a long way. Don’t give up hope on dating or that someone will find you attractive, regardless of your size! A strong sense of self-confidence and comfort with your body is what will attract a good woman to you ultimately.

I thought GOS was being sarcastic. Maybe not…

cak's avatar

My husband, technically is obese. I find him to be one of the most attractive people I’ve ever met, in my entire life. He’s got the wit, wisdom and a wonderful way about him. His eyes are the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen – well, until my son came along. He carries all of his weight in his abdomen – and gained most of it the first year I got sick. Then, after I was in chemo and the hospital and my son was diagnosed, my husband gained more weight. My daughter was trying to cook healthy meals, but he was on the go so much that 90% of what he ate was in the car, from a drive-thru.

He wasn’t thin when I met him. I didn’t just look at him and judge him for his weight. He did an amazing thing for me, he “saved” Christmas for my daughter and I. Without even knowing us. From there, he just continued to be this great guy. Obese, not obese, his was and is a wonderful person.

I’m sure as hell glad I don’t feel the need to judge others on their weight. I’m glad others don’t judge me, I could be seen as too thin.

There’s always a flip side to things, never ever forget that!

girlofscience's avatar

Ho, geez. I haven’t been able to get back to this thread until now.

Ok, I will try to address some of your concerns.

@PupnTaco: Yes, I’ve said that to people’s faces, not many of whom are fat though. But considering the negative experiences I’ve had with fat people and my general in-person candor, I’d say that it is possible I could one day, say that to a fat person’s face.

@critter1982: Superficially, I hate fat people because I find their appearances repulsive. Seeing them makes me shudder. I am repulsed watching them eat. But beyond that, I would never be friends with a fat person because of the extremely negative experiences I have had with fat people in the past. Being fat usually takes a toll on one’s personality, as the result of being judged by society. Fat people are usually either painfully insecure or too secure in an I’m-big-and-I’m-beautiful kind of way, which is a mentality I find atrocious. Additionally, I feel uncomfortable around fat people because they make comments about wishing they were skinny and I never know what the F to say to that (because I’m sure as hell not going to tell them they look good when they don’t). As far as the reason I am not friends with fat people goes, I like to have girlfriends that are on par with me in being reasonably intelligent and reasonably attractive. It makes for good conversation (the intelligence) and good girltalk about boys (the attractiveness). I would not want to have some annoying girlfriend constantly complaining about not getting guys because she’s too fat. Also, it’s embarrassing to be seen in public with fat people.

@buster: So, my hating fat people makes it okay for you to wish an awful fate upon me? And 7 other Flutherers agree? Great. Sorry, guys. I was just offering my opinion!

krose1223's avatar

I am not usually attracted to OBESE people, but I can be attracted to chubbies… actually my SO has a cute little tummy on him but I like it. I haven’t ever been presented with an opportunity to date an obese person so it’s hard to say for sure. I just don’t think it would ever happen because I am not drawn to them. If I’m being completely honest I’d probably have to say no, for reasons beyond looks. I think I would worry too much about his or her health and I am a pretty healthy eater so I think it would become an issue if we lived together.

Noon's avatar

@ girlofscience
Are you for real? I honestly thought in your first post that you were kidding and being overly sarcastic, Honestly almost gave you lurve. Then to come to the end of the tread to find out that no, you really are one of those superficial skinny B#*$s. I almost dropped the ginormous pumpkin pie I was shoveling in my face.

Let’s pick out some quotes shall we:
“Being fat usually takes a toll on one’s personality, as the result of being judged by society.”

Come now, if you are going to be candid say it like it is. They are being judged by people like YOU. You can’t blame them for feeling like this if you are a direct cause of said “toll”. The logic is like “God, I don’t see why that person can’t get up off the ground, I keep on kicking him, but he never seems to be able to stay upright”

“I feel uncomfortable around fat people because they make comments about wishing they were skinny and I never know what the F to say”
You are uncomfortable around them, but they are the ones who are insecure. How about you go have some heart to heart mirror time with yourself.

“As far as the reason I am not friends with fat people goes, I like to have girlfriends that are on par with me in being reasonably intelligent and reasonably attractive.”
Cuz diversity is bad? I mean, all my friends must, look, act, dress, and be like me, or whats the point really?

“Also, it’s embarrassing to be seen in public with fat people”
Again, and fat people are the insecure ones. I’m sorry but this statement comes from a place of little self esteem.

I mean, you will really not be friends with someone based solely on their looks? So what if you’ve had bad experiences with larger people in the past, you are now going to judge all larger people based on the few (and I’m sure they were few) experiences you’ve had. And you’re xenophobic logic is just scarry. You complain that fat people don’t have self esteem and waste your time complaining about their weight, and you don’t recognize yourself as part of the problem?

You are just one step away from saying “I mean, if they would just loose weight then everything would be fine”. Which is the same logic that is used for “If they would just convert to Christianity the middle east would have peace” and “If everyone would just learn to speak english I could understand them”

And sorry to make this post even longer. But to all of those who are are saying it’s 90% personality. Come now, you are just as delusional and should probably be put in the same boat as girlofscience. If there is no sexual attraction then no, you wouldn’t start a sexual relationship with someone. But luckily for all of us people are attracted to all different body types, for all different sorts of reasons. So yes, there is someone out there that will find your sexually attractive.

krose1223's avatar

whoa- just went back and read the thread…

Girlofscience-while I don’t fully agree with you I can relate. I don’t swear off overweight people and I have many overweight friends and family members. However I do get my feelings hurt when they are rude to me because I am “skinny.” I don’t like when we go out to eat together and they make rude comments about me in front of the waiter because my food choice was healthy. I think that’s what you’re trying to say atleast. Like I said, I wouldn’t go so far as to say “I hate fat people”. I don’t stereotype overweight people because I have come across so many different personalities and not all of my overweight friends/family act this way.

I think everyone that thrashed out at you did exactly what you do with stereotyping “fat people”... ”I bet you carry a little dog around in a Coach purse don’t you” We have some pots calling kettles black.

Can’t we all just get along guys?

Trustinglife's avatar

I’m like Critter – I date women I’m attracted to. I notice I’m not that attracted to obese women. That said, I have had a long-term relationship with a rail-skinny woman, and another with a more “well-rounded” woman. I prefer the more well-rounded. So there is a gray area between curvy and too-curvy.

@GoS, I was surprised by your answer, but grateful for your honesty. You must have had some extremely negative experiences, as you said, to have such a strong bias. My hope for you is that you can have some more positive experiences with people who are overweight, and re-open yourself to that large group of people.

One more thing to say. I’ve been skinny all my life (I’m 5’11”, 150 lb). I eat healthy, but I eat whatever I want. I’m very lucky. It was hard for me to relate to the self-consciousness of feeling fat. Until my hair started falling out. I’m 28, and have quickly gone bald. I now know what it’s like to look at a photo of me, and instantly wonder if I look ok. I’m lucky that hair loss is in that I don’t have to wonder “if only I hadn’t eaten such-and-such…”

This post has been eye-opening for me. I’m grateful we get to have these kind of taboo conversations here. Calling it as we see it, no matter how we see it.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

@Krose and Trustinglife, pretty good responses
@noon your response is pretty terrible. let me point out your fallacies and undoings.

First let me start with this qoute
“They are being judged by people like YOU. You can’t blame them for feeling like this if you are a direct cause of said “toll”. ”
Your general arguement seems to be that she is part of the reason larger people feel bad about themselves. You can come up with what ever excuses you want, but excuses do not change results. We are all responsible for our own self. Saying someone else is to blame is bull shit.

And then to attack someone saying “Cuz diversity is bad? I mean, all my friends must, look, act, dress, and be like me, or whats the point really?”
I dont think she said anything about diversity being bad, she just said she likes to have friends with similiar interest. I don’t have more than a couple black friends, does that mean im a racist? Actually most of my friends are gamers, does that mean I don’t like diversity? what a ridiculous thing to say.

Your entire reply is just attacking her and using your attacks to descredit her. I normally wouldn’t jump in an defend someone elses posting like this, but I am tired of people like you who seem to think its okay to shove what ever you think down our throats and tell us we are scum for not accepting it. GoS did a good job explaining why she feels what she does, You on the other hand seem to have some explaining on why you care so much about who GoS associates with.

jazzjeppe's avatar

I have a vague memory of a movie scene stuck in my mind where two guys are having a discussion…Something like:
– You know, people have different preferences on what is attractive depending on where in the world they live.
– So that means we are sexy somewhere in the world?
– Yes! Comon, let’s go find that place!

I don’t know where @Girlofscience lives but by reading her profile, I would say USA. I do respect you for your comments and I think you are somewhat brave to stand by them. But I do feel you have a lot to learn about life, people and empathy. Reading that you are a student off cognitive neuroscience, I would think empathy is vital for being able to get the most out of your studies. My advice for you would be to start practising that by simply open your eyes and think why people are like they are, what makes the behave in a specific way and perhaps most importantly, dare to analyse yourself. The best psychologists are the ones who have spent many hours analysing themselves.

I feel like the anxious mother in “Almost Famous” but:
– There is hope for you yet!
:)

LKidKyle1985's avatar

See, you could learn a thing or two noon from jazzs response

westy81585's avatar

in the words of a great man I once knew…... “no fat chics”

jazzjeppe's avatar

Sorry for all typos and grammar flaws, I have just gone out of bed :)

westy81585's avatar

I believe this picture answers the question perfectly. Fat girls with a great personality tend to fall in the upper left hand area of that chart…..

http://www.marcandangel.com/images/level-of-attraction.jpg

krose1223's avatar

@westy- that’s confusing :-/

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Hey jazz, I never would of known you werent a native english speaker if I didn’t read your profile. If you happen to teach english your students are lucky! and you probably have better grammar than I do.

Noon's avatar

@LkidKyle
You should read GoS responce again. You have watered it down quite a bit.

In response to the “problem” of the “toll” on fat people. I was in no way trying in to imply that because GoS is the problem, fat people have no responsibility for how they act. I however do not feel that GoS can comment on the low self esteem of a fat person when she is admittedly contributing by putting fat people down. It is not fare and illogical for her to be able to use a fat person’s low self esteem as a justification for refusing to befriend them. If you where only friends with people who didn’t have paint spilled on them, and you deliberately spilled paint on someone and at the same time told them they could now not be your friend cuz they had paint spilled on them, that would be unfair, rude, and illogical.

And I hope you can recognize that you’re willingness to have a few black friends automatically removes you as an acceptable comparison because you are willing to have black friends. GoS refuses to have fat friends.

And no she didn’t directly say “diversity is bad” which is why it was a question on my part, not a statement. As for my attacks discrediting her, they were drawn from her own responses. Yes I am attacking her, but emphasizing her own words to discredit her.

Oh and cute about how I should learn something from Jazz (and nothing against you jazz, totally agree with you post and even gave you lurve). Jazz attacked her as well by saying GoS had a lot to learn about life, people and empathy. So you give lurve to GoS because she was blunt, but Jazz sugar coated it for the pretty girl so he gets lurve?

westy81585's avatar

why is everyone so obsessed with “lurve”... it’s not like you can trade that crap in for money

LKidKyle1985's avatar

First off, If someone puts you down, its up to you to decide if that comment is relevant and will make you feel bad about yourself. your analogy of paint doesnt really work, because they have a choice to sit there and let me spill the paint on them, I am not forcing them to sit there.

And, I can not speak for GoS, but Anyone with low self esteem I do not like to hang out with. It is not exclusive to obese people. I surround myself with positive people, because they make me feel positive.

And it is cute that I like Jazz’s response critizing GoS rather than yours. He is Not negative or insulting. I dont think I saw him call anyone a superficial skinny B#*$. Which, my current fluther rival, is an assault on her character, which is in fact a falacy when argueing. Your response does not seek to change behavior, only critize, Jazz’s response does seek to change her behavior and constructively critizes GoS. There is a difference and that is why I suggested you analyze the difference between you and him.

I should also add, while GoS response might be mean or offensive to many people, she is not intentionally insulting them. she is just giving her opinion and backing it up, as opposed to calling them names and trying to make them feel bad, she certainly didnt make anyone feel bad for saying they liked obese people, yet everyone wants to jump peoples cases when they say they don’t like them, or “hate” them

buster's avatar

Why are you trying to justify hate? Hate is never a good thing. There is more than enough hate in this world already.I care for some fat people in my life. People who say they hate fat people are in the same boat with people who hate blacks and gays.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

The hate you’re talking about results in lynching and murders. I am pretty sure the hate GoS is refering to is not the same thing. Do we really want to twist peoples words like this? or just make this thing more convoluted. If I say I could kill someone, are we talking about the same thing as actually killing them? come on.

krose1223's avatar

Yeahhh, I don’t think she literally hates obese people. I think it was probably more of an exaggeration. Hate is kind of a figure of speech these days. I have said “I hate…” something or someone before and I really don’t even know what it feels like to hate.

buster's avatar

sighs

LKidKyle1985's avatar

lol I dunno, maybe. but she did say they repulse her and she doesnt like their self esteem. Maybe its like saying, Oh I hate spiders. or, I hate people who dont take baths. I dunno.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

Anyways I will probably call it a night, just thought I would thank everyone for their opinions tonight. It has def kept me entertained. I think its fair to say there is something we can all learn from eachother.

Trustinglife's avatar

Yeah, I hate people who don’t take baths.~ j/k

Nimis's avatar

I love people who don’t take baths.
Sometimes, you just don’t need a tilde.

Trustinglife's avatar

On a post like this, I wanted to be clear!!

bythebay's avatar

…“I think what she meant”
...“I think what she’s trying to say”

I know gos doesn’t ever have trouble voicing her opinions and she has spoken very eloquently on this subject. While all may not agree or even understand, she has spoken. That’s the beauty and curse of a community of most any type; we may not all agree all the time. It’s wonderful that we have a place to come challenge each other but the fact remains that jazz asked a touchy question, and gos gave an honest answer. She can speak for herself, as we all can.

Nimis's avatar

TL: I was talking about my own!
Had a tilde originally, but it seemed silly. :D

Nimis's avatar

BytheBay: It was honest and to the point.
I wouldn’t go so far as to call it eloquent?

bythebay's avatar

I’ll give you that, Nimis. I meant eloquent in the way that she voiced her opinions quite succinctly and with emphasis. Perhaps not eloquent in a beautiful prose comparison. :)

girlofscience's avatar

@krose: Yes, thank you, “hate,” of course was an exaggeration.

@Noon: You know what, originally, my response was half-sarcastic and over the top. But after the way I was attacked by people’s interpretation of my answer, I figured, screw it, I’ll explain why fat people suck.

I’m not as shallow as all of this makes me out to be. It is kind of tongue in cheek.

But take from it what you will.

Thank you to those who have appreciated my responses on the topic. I look forward to running into you all on later threads, in which we may also agree or disagree.

jazzjeppe's avatar

I am touched by all the great answers here, thank you all! All opinions are valuable and important, I believe. Or whatever that person said who said something like

” I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”

bythebay's avatar

“I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”

Jazz: You get it!!! I lurve people who “get it”. sorry for the air quotes

jazzjeppe's avatar

Thanks @bythebay , I am a very lurvable person :)

90s_kid's avatar

@ noon

You are always angry

cookieman's avatar

OK. Off topic. I lurve having 90s_kid around. Such a great young perspective. And a fellow Bostonian.

90s_kid's avatar

@ cprevite

My perspective is the pessimistic perspective! That is a rare thing to say esp. to me. So many people said “Go away” I will never get civilization :(.
And woo Boston yeaa go sox.

critter1982's avatar

@GOS: I respect your opinion but I detest your stereotypical hatred towards people whom you have not met. I am sure there are obese people of which you have met that act the way you say they do. But there are tons of other obese people that do not. IMO some of the funniest people I have ever met are severly overweight and they have yet to tell me or complain about their “fat” struggle. Your stereotype is no better than the people who hate blacks because of the “ghetto thug” population, or the people who hate Jews because “they are money grubbers”, or the people who hate homosexuals because “they love to spread their agenda amongst the world”, or the people who hate Muslims because “they bombed the WTC”. I’m sorry but your off the wall colored comment is extremely superficial and is based on the few obese people that you may or may not have even given a chance.

@krose: Yes I was being stereotypical. But it was a joke nor did I actually spew hatred.

@LKid: Sure this is an opinion based forum, therefore I have the right to give my opinion about somebody elses ignorant stereotypical hatred towards people. I’m not telling people they have to be attracted to obese people (I’m typically not) but to hate them simply based on a physical characteristic is obsurd.

Noon's avatar

@LkidKyle
You are still missing the point of the whole paint analogy. I’m not saying that a fat person has no responsibility in how they react to someone putting them down. Yes, It is up to the fat person to work on not having that effect their self esteem. This has never been my point, and I think now that you are just refusing to see my point.

I’m saying (to continue the analogy) that the one spilling paint has no right to criticize the one with paint spilled on them. You still have yet to explain how someone who deliberately puts someone down has the right to criticize that person’s self esteem. I do understand that person doesn’t have to take it, and can walk away from the situation, but I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about the person who is doing the putting down.

Also I’m sorry you don’t think I have a right to call GoS a superficial skinny B#$%. But please do go read her second post again. I feel, as an over weight person (ok maybe not HUGE, but I’m sure I’m in GoS’s hate range) she has indirectly called me: repulsive, painfully insecure, embarrassing, annoying, and hated. I’m sorry, do you not consider these assaults on someone’s character. I think after a barrage of insults like that “skinny B!@#” is MILD.

@GoS
Wow such a long thread mostly based on post you had made, and you come up with a gem like “I’ll explain why fat people suck” This is what the field of cognitive neuroscience has been waiting for. I hope your first job interview is conducted by a morbidly obese woman, shoveling down a pumpkin pie.

@90’s Kid
Yep, I’m angry. When you grow up, you will realize there is a lot to be angry about. And if you are like me, you will voice that anger on fluther (sorry for all of those you have to deal with my anger, I must be one of those “painfully insecure” fat people. god damnit, where is my pie.) Then after throwing out some fluther posts, you feel a bit more relieved and go back to what I would consider the relatively happy life I lead.

I am not as angry a person in “real life” I assure you. I spent all of yesterday with my skinny husband who happens to like that I’m on the chubbier side, making holiday cookies with my mother and aunt. Too bad I’m fat pig and embarrassed my family by eating bowls full of cookie dough. (Ok sorry, I’ll stop)

90s_kid's avatar

You’re angry and pessimistic, but I am calm and pessimistic.

cookieman's avatar

I just want pumpkin pie now.

girlofscience's avatar

@Noon: I’m sorry; I just didn’t think that this big of a deal needed to be made over an opinion of mine. I never said it was wrong for everyone else to not mind dating obese people; I simply said I don’t like them and wouldn’t date them. It is not required that the answer to the OP’s question is “yes.” My answer happened to be “no.” Since this is a matter of opinion (“Do you like/dislike X?”) and not a matter of fact (“Homosexuality is an innate quality.”), please respect my opinion.

galileogirl's avatar

What is “fat”? In the finl analysis mother nature has a prank waiting for gos and all the other “girls”. The day comes when your body changes, your torso thickens and your appendages turn into pipe cleaners. If you try to diet your way back, your boobs flatten into empty bags and your the softness of your features disappear leaving a permanently crumpled face and neck behind. If you try to prevent the inevitable no matter what the cost, you will be left with that permanently surprised look and the old lady short bouffant that covers up the scars at the hairline.

Think about looking in the mirror and gaze on the osteoporothis hump and think what a waste of time and energy spent on being a hater.

145#s and proud of it!

90s_kid's avatar

@ girlsof science
noon always does that >.>

loser's avatar

More to love!

Noon's avatar

@GoS
Lets try to make this response as short as possible, cuz I tend to run over. Your answer to the question stopped at “No way, no how.” Had you ended your post there, you would have every right to be upset at how I reacted.

“simply said I don’t like them and wouldn’t date them” This is not what you said, you said much more that this. I have no problem with you saying you wouldn’t want to date a fat person. Hell, there are plenty of people I wouldn’t date for a variety of reasons. But I would never choose those reasons to then discriminate against and put down those people.

You have, and that is despicable.

ronski's avatar

You know when you meet someone, and at first you think, “Wow, they are so pretty or handsome.” Than you start talking to them and they are just bitchy or dumb as a bell! Well, let me tell you, if I start talking to someone who is not as attractive on the outside, but than they are really intelligent and interesting on the inside, than I’ll give them a chance, more so than the people who are dumb.

Than again, I’m not as superficial as some people, but I’m sure you will find your perfect someone. Sway them with your great personality. That’s all it takes.

laureth's avatar

@ronski: I’m so with you. Weight can be lost (albeit with great effort), but rude and dumb seem far more permanent.

Noon's avatar

@laureth
I love that. I guess all the fat girls that have to compete with skinny girls for a date have just gained the upper hand. Cuz you’re right, last I check I’ve never seen a “Loose the attitude in just 2 weeks” or “The 2 day stupidity flush” in an infomercial.

laureth's avatar

@Noon: Depends on the guy – after all, every seller needs a buyer. I’m sure there will always be guys who would rather close their ears than their eyes. If they notice the stuff between the ears, that is.

Luckily, mine did.

PupnTaco's avatar

@GoS: Just wow.

Yeah, great, you have an opinion and you’re honest about it. Problem is, your opinion comes from a place of hatred, prejudice, and is just plain mean-spirited. If you’re comfortable with that, with judging an entire group of people based on a physical symptom they may or may not be able to control… there’s a special place for you.

laureth's avatar

Out of curiousity, if you got along well with someone on Fluther (for example), where you find out that you agree on most basic things and find each other entertaining and smart – but you will never meet or see them in person – would you stop being friends with them if you found out they were fat? (Or gay, or Christian, or anything else that sets you off…)

This is primarily aimed at GirlOfScience, but anyone can answer who wants to answer.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Well since i answered no to dating fat girls ill answer it as well laureth. It would not alter my perception of them at all and i would still remain friends with them. I just wouldnt date them. I think its pretty important to be sexual attracted to who your dating and well that would be a deal breaker for me.

girlofscience's avatar

@laureth: No; I’m not serious enough about my “hatred” to not be friends with a person, in that situation, if I were to find out they were fat.

I “hate” Republicans. I “hate” people who believe in god.

One of my best friends, Julie, is a Republican. I love her.

My parents believe in god. I love them.

I make exceptions, and people shouldn’t take my text (of which tone cannot be interpreted) as seriously as they are.

Noon's avatar

Ok GoS,
Just to continue the debate, can you please explain the correct tone for some of your quotes listed below. I’ve been trying to add different tones and inflections to your quotes and they still sound like you are a superficial, rude, mean, and prejudice person.

Your quotes:
“Also, it’s embarrassing to be seen in public with fat people.”
or my favorite:
“I hate fat people because I find their appearances repulsive. Seeing them makes me shudder”

Just for shits and giggles, How am I supposed to correctly interpret your tone in the two previous statements.

90s_kid's avatar

Noon you should be a lawyer.

whitelily14's avatar

It depends; To me attraction is 90% emotional/intellectual and 10% physical. To me it would be hard to date an obese person because I have an extremely active lifestyle (I work out at a minimum 2+hours a day). As a result, I might have a harder time relating to their choices. However, I also have met multiple people who are obese not because they are lazy but because of some disease/disorder that makes weight loss extremely difficult. As long as the person was active and attractive intellectually & emotionally I’d love to date them.

jazzjeppe's avatar

@ Whitelily Okay, I will pick you up at seven! :)

girlofscience's avatar

Sheesh. I have just regained internet access after awhile without it.

But now it’s my birthday. So I don’t want to get into this.

I’ll respond tomorrow.

cookieman's avatar

Hey girlofscience! Happy Birthday.

Have some cake…ah, hmm. Sorry.

(carrot stick perhaps?)

Trustinglife's avatar

I’ll go get the cake. It’s in the frizzer.

girlofscience's avatar

Ok; let’s be done with this already.

@cprevite: Uh, not liking fat people does not imply anorexia.

@Noon: As for how to interpret my tone in those quotes, interpret it as frustrated exaggeration. I don’t really hate fat people. Pretty much everything I said in this thread has been an overstatement. I think my above example of how I would say that I “hate” Republicans is a good one. Let’s pretend this question was, “Would you date someone who is a Republican?” There’s a good chance I would have originally responded: “No way, no how. I hate Republicans. I could never be friends with one, let alone date one,” even though that’s not necessarily true. What I really mean is that Republicans aren’t my cup of tea.

If, after having stated that, I was reprimanded for my hatred, there’s a good chance I would have become frustrated and replied with an exaggerated dislike of Republican values, probably calling them “complete idiots” and saying their perspectives are “repulsive” with a strong explanation of why I disagree with them. Of course, all of that would be an overstatement. I do have a few Republican friends, and while I disagree with their political opinions, I don’t actually find my Republican friends to be repulsive.

The same is true of the obese. I made an overstatement that hit a sore spot because hating the obese can be considered cruel for several reasons: obesity being out of the control of some people and the superficiality of judging people by their appearances.

I apologize. I really wasn’t all that serious about it.

Noon's avatar

@GoS
At least we got an apology out of you. I will still have to say however that your republican analogy falls short. Being republican goes much deeper than superficial appearances. It is a political philosophy which in and of itself requires you to have a much deeper analysis of why you hate it.

“Hating” fat people is a completely superficial illogical “hate”. It does not allow the same “hate” and “overstatement” that “hating” someone who is republican does. When you “hate” a republican you are disagreeing with their philosophical stand on politics. When you “hate” a fat person you are not disagreeing with them on an intellectual level, you are disagreeing with their being.

cookieman's avatar

@girlofscience: Oh I know you’re not anorexic. I’ve seen your photo – you look rather healthy.

See, that was a joke. A frustrated exaggeration, if you will.

mkgurd2's avatar

yes happily i only ever go out with obese girls

asmonet's avatar

I just found this thread. And I just, wow.

Laureth and Noon, you’re my heroes.

jazzjeppe's avatar

Is this question still active?;)

cookieman's avatar

It is now.

jazzjeppe's avatar

Perhaps it’s time for timestamps in answers?

Repo_the_Genetic_Opera's avatar

Weight doesn’t totally matter to me, but I like guys that are chubby. Heck, the guy I like may be medically “obese” or whatever but he’s so cute and nice to hug that I just don’t even CARE!!

jazzjeppe's avatar

Bumping this one old question of mine to tell you all that in two weeks I am having a gastric bypass surgery and I hope you will all cheer for me :)

Trustinglife's avatar

I wish you courage, and congratulate your willingness to change!

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