What is stalking?

Someone who pays unwanted attention to you, going above being a pest. I know the term is thrown around more loosely now but its just a way of saying someone wont leave you alone. Say you post something online (myspace or facebook or whatever the kids are doing now) like im going to such and such bar tonight, and that person just happens to show up there even though they aren’t on your friend list to get the post. They seem to show up in odd places. They call or text a lot for no reason after you make it clear you arent interested. They drive by your house. They ask your friends about you.

Interesting question daloon. I guess it could mean someone is showing up uninvited, intruding on someone’s personal space, monitoring their movements constantly, and generally making them uncomfortable to the point of feeling worried about their safety.

I haven’t had the pleasure yet. Hope I never do.

May I suggest a solution? Depending on the situation, confronting the individual is a great deterrent, especially if there is more than one confronter (and safety in numbers). Stalkers sometimes operate so that others can’t see their behavior, and may be embarrased enough to stop the activity. If there’s a safe way to do it, I recommend that.

I would say, used in casual conversation, especially with kids in middle or high school, stalking is just like Elijahsuicide said: stalking is when someone, usually of the opposite sex and usually someone you don’t like, is paying you more attention that you would like. Maybe waiting after class to or showing up at your lunch table (or somehwere else inappropriate in the social world of a 14 year old) to talk to you. Someone who shows an unwanted interest in you and just doesn’t take the hint that you don’t like them and don’t want this interest they’re showing you.

Of course, it also has a much more serious and technical meaning when that interest turns creepy and the situation turns dangerous.

I think it started out the harrassive way you describe, like (usually) men who would track (usually) women, watch through their windows, etc.

However, just like a lot of terms that have been around for a while, the way your kids use it would be hyperbole. It’s being used in the same way as “kill” is, in the sentence “Oh no, I totally got a scratch on the side of the car, Mom’s totally going to KILL me!” (Mom won’t really kill you, she’ll just be really mad. And they’re not being stalked, someone just likes them.)

The defination of Stalker is like the definintion of Porn—you know it when you see it….

Foreplay

well I guess it is different in every society. For example when I lived on this little island where everybody knew everybody else, passing by someone’s street was totally acceptable, even though that someone might guess that the reason for using that route was not that it involved less traffic. Girls would even get flattered by this.

But I had this one girl (last year in fact) who was constantly stalked by her ex. He’d be hiding behind the bushes when we were on a date, bug her place so he could hear what she was telling me on the phone, follow us around in his car and so on. At first I didn’t pay attention, then I chased him away a couple of times, then I realised that she found it romantic and still had feelings for him, so I just told her to make up her mind and she did. She went back to the stalker and is even more miserable than she was when she left him.

I was being stalked by a man at one of my previous places of employment. It started off innocent enough, with him simply trying to make casual conversation, which was okay with me. I knew he was interested, but it wasn’t in any way that was inappropriate.

But he started getting creepier and creepier as time went on. It got to the point where he would come into my workplace every night, try to get my number, address and full name. There were a few times he even tried to convince me to meet him at a restaurant after work, without telling anyone where I was going. No matter how often I told him I wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t stop asking. He came in so often he was able to learn when I generally got off work and he’d try to stand around and talk until that time. He started bringing gifts to me, even though I clearly didn’t want them. He would just set them down and walk away. He also told me that he’d buy me clothes or whatever else I wanted, if I would hang out with him.

Despite being warned multiple times by some of my bigger, male superiors, he still wouldn’t leave me alone. The only reason my work took the intimidation approach with him is because it was clear that he wouldn’t back down from a female, despite their disinterest. I wasn’t the only female he was behaving that way toward, but his behavior was escalating with me, to the point it was bothering other people, too.

He was eventually trespassed from the property because of his behavior and warned to not talk to me ever again because he was giving me unwanted attention, and that if he ever came onto the property again, especially if it was to contact me that the police would become involved.

The very next day, he came in. I was on my break and people called me to tell me he was standing around, waiting for me. The police were called and they made it clear that he would be arrested if he came onto the property again. When they looked up his information they found that he had been trespassed from countless places, including Oregon’s biggest mall (which is not small) for similar behavior.

A police officer ended up telling me the apartments the stalker lived in, because outside of everything that had been done, there wasn’t much else they could do, so he was doing me a favor in a way. Just in case.

Yeah…. That was longer than I intended. But the guy never once asked how old I was and I know for a fact that he assumed I was under 18, because of comments he’d made, but he was still intent on getting me alone with him.

I don’t think it was long. It gave us an insight.

@Siren, stalkers often don’t realize what they do. or they do and yet they don’t. I engaged it in myself until I realized how relationships worked (to the extent that I do now).

and you can get into a stalker mentality without even acting on it. for the last couple of months I have talked with someone who doesn’t technically engage in stalking (as far as I know) and at the same time thinks like one and reasons like one.

and, actually now I remember it, reading a book on stalking clued me up and broke down my half-way denial, so that I saw what I had done in a different light. I don’t know the book, though. I think any book on the subject would tell you pretty much what you need to know.

@DrasticDreamer- wow that is scary. I’m glad nothing happened to you.

@Ria: if you realized you behaved like a stalker that means you recognize that you were obsessing about someone in an unhealthy way for you, and possibly it was simply a means of distraction for you to avoid dealing with something else that was bothering you about your life or situation. The problem with that is if the person you are stalking becomes aware of it because your stalking goes to the next level where you want them to see you, and they get creeped out and call the police, etc.

We all face adversity in our life and sometimes it’s hard to deal with it. Sometimes we deal with it in unhealthy ways for us and others (i.e. alcoholism, reckless behavior, etc) but when we recognize it we become empowered because we are able to change our behavior. I don’t know if this is similar to your situation, but I’m glad you were able to recognize that and change.

I had a stalker once.. It was the most horrible experience in my life. It began when I decided I did not want to involved in a relationship with this person.. then all hell broke lose. He constantly called me like 17 times a day.. and when I didnt answer he called me from someone else’s phone. He tried to get in touch with me in every way possible( facebook, email, text). He sent me very nasty texts… all of them were really offensive and creepy. When I deleted him AND blocked him from all my accounts.. he tried to get in touch with my friends to request information about me.. he tried to get into my building… He threatened me by telling me that the next time he visits my city, he would not tell anyone and that way no one would be able to warn be about him and that he would come and look for me. He also said a million things which where very sad.. and very difficult to hear. He constantly offended me and called me names.
There was no way possible that I could get rid of him until I got a restraining order for stalking and changed my phone number and all personal information.
To me, THIS is stalking.

I just want to say, I am very amazed that I could answer this question. Im proud of myself…The whole experience was very traumatizing for me because my stalker hurt me both physically and psychologically. I am still not able to talk about the whole thing.
Just a reminder for women out there: There are so many crazy people who dont know what they are doing. There are many ways to expose youself that will only get you into a dangerous situation. If you see or feel that someone is acting strangely around you and that might hurt you TELL everyone you know. The more people aware of this, the more protected you are. And dont hesitate to report him to your superiors or the police if you feel in danger. Do NOT try to handle the situation by yourself… it will only make you more “appetizing” to your stalker, and make you more vulnerable to his actions. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!

Good on you girl :)
I’m assuming this was fairly recently. Glad you are over it.

@Siren, by behaving like a stalker, I mean behaved like a stalker. I did act on it. as I said before, stalkers think a certain way. even you don’t act on it I consider a person who thinks a certain way a stalker. (the word “stalker” needs to get changed to something more inclusive.) unhealthily obsessive fans have that mentality.

stalking also comes out of boredom and lack of the ability to think outside of their perspective and see from it from another’s.

Stalker is so overused it is almost meaningless.

@Mizuki: Whether it is meaningless to you, it certainly isn’t for those involved.

@Mizuki, I partway agree with you. Googlestalking doesn’t always count as stalking, though sometimes it does. it does have a core meaning which has simply gotten obscured because of overuse.