Did I do the right thing in telling (see details)?

Clarification, please: what was the timing? Did you call him beforehand to tell him what was going to happen? Or did the party start, and then he showed up? Or did you report after the fact?

I mean. Did anyone get hurt? Is your sister generally irresponsible? Do her friends routinely make bad decisions?

Maybe I’d feel differently if I had kids, but this gathering sounds pretty harmless to me. I don’t see any reason to spill.

I think you acted in the best interest of your sister. Even if she’s angry with you now it’ll pass. You’re good to look after her so closely.

Good job.
I hope you called as soon as you found out and trying to persuade her otherwise was no longer an option. If you waited until after, that’s a bit different.

Timing: One friend who I knew about was over, that was fine, my dad knew. Then she told me other were coming which made me nervous. She knows I did not approve (I told her, she knows I’m not the party type, etc), but I needed a few minutes to think over my course of action. While I was still thinking they came over (she invited them BEFORE asking me first), and I know how 16 year old boys can act, and I was uncomfortable because I did not know them. So I called my dad to inform him.

I realize this may seem like overreaction, but I am responsible for whatever happens here. If someone has sex, if someone brings alcohol, if someone just does something stupid, well that falls on me, because my parents trust me to act in the best interest of my 16 year old sister and my 18 year old brother.

I think you did the right thing.
Not an overreaction at all.

And, legally if there was drinking or sex, you’re responsible as the adult on site.

I think you did the right thing. Something similar happened to me recently and I told. I felt bad, but at the same time, as the older sisters, I feel it’s our duty to provide a good example to our younger siblings and hold them accountable when they do the wrong thing. It’s responsible and she’ll appreciate it when you’re older. Your parents will appreciate it now, I would imagine.

You were right. She may be mad at you for a while, but in the end she will remember you were concerned, and cared.

“Should I have kept the sibling loyalty?” You did act loyally, and you did very well at it, too. Being older, you already have some idea how easily things can get out of hand and what can go wrong. I understand that your sister is disappointed and maybe angry with you, but I’ll bet there’s a part of her that is also grateful. She knows you were looking out for her.

For all you know, she may have caved to pressure from her friends, and you may have rescued her. In any case, I commend you for acting responsibly and lovingly, risking her anger for the sake of her well-being (and your own). Good for you, sis.

Yeah u defiantely did the right thing if something was to happy you would have been held responsible and also had to deal with it emotionally if something bad happened to your sister and you did nothing to stop it.

Did your mother have an issue with the mixed gender party? I’m just curious.
I mean, yeah you did tell on her, but she’s 16…16 year olds get in trouble, and make mistakes. Hopefully she knows you told your father out of concern, and not being a bitch to her.
I don’t think your father will be upset about the boys, it’s more that she went against what he requested. That’s breaking his trust.

My mother definitely wouldn’t be okay with a mixed gender party with no parental supervision. I’m sure my dad is angry both about the boys and the lying.

But I have to say my dad did a nice thing. He drove by saying he was checking up on us since we’re alone, which is something he would do, so she doesn’t know I’m the one who told, thinking my dad was being his usual self making sure we’re alright.

Ah! That’s great, then you’re in the clear and you did the right thing. :)

I guess I still don’t understand what harm is being done. I had sex when I was 16. I drank alcohol when I was 16. I turned out okay. (Sort of.)

I know that not all 16-year-olds are ready for those kinds of activities, which is why I posed my earlier questions.

@nikipedia i was doing those things at 16 as well, but my child isn’t allowed to do those things. ever ;)

You did the right thing, my faith in humanity and people my age is restored…Sort of. I just wish more people would make well-thought-out choices.

You did the sucky, but right thing. Good for you for making the tough decision. You just faced one of those decisions that parents have to make, for the right reason. Thing is, a lot of us did those things, but it didn’t make it right. If there was drinking or sex involved, like it was mentioned above, as the responsible adult – you would be held liable – if something happened. You just took a big step on the road to being a responsible person – one able to make the right decision, even though not the popular decision. Impressive.

@nikipedia – You are right. Lots of kids did those things, and are fine; however, every year, there are lots of children that aren’t so fine. That is the part that while you are making those decisions, you must take into consideration. —Also the fact that as minors, it is illegal. Unfortunately, I didn’t graduate with 5 friends, because they did those things and were not so fine. 4 died and 1 is (well, she is fine) a paraplegic. While she was 16, in fact, at her 16th birthday party – she left with her best friend and got in a horrific car accident. They were found 2 hours later, she was pinned under the car, her friend thrown from the windshield and slammed into a tree. She had to be identified by dental records, along with other identifying markers.

As far as sex, I don’t want to be the parent that is confronted when another parent realizes that the party, where their daughter got pregnant (probably) occurred at your house. Believe me, as that parent, you are looked at as part of the problem. It might seem irrational – but it happens.

As parents, we make lots of decisions, and, on some levels, we may take some issues with those decisions; however, we must weigh all sides of the issue. There are ones that don’t always make sense, but they are generally, made for the right reason.

As I was reading the various posts I recalled something my daughter told me this afternoon. One of her high school classmates gave birth six months ago, and she is pregnant again. Just think how different this girl’s life would be if someone had called a parent at the right time.

Your sister may not believe it now but you did her a huge favor. Yes, there are many folks who did just those sorts of things and who turned out okay, but a lot of us remember friends who did something like cak’s friends did and who didn’t survive their mistake. My favorite babysitter when I was little was one of those, killed along with three other guys driving drunk on a windy road at night. They hit a tree. A good friend in college was another, turned into a paraplegic on high school graduation night when his jeep rolled and he and his friends were not wearing seatbelts.

It also sounds as if your dad is a good parent, too. His story about why he stopped by was the kind of story I have used, too, in order to protect both kids.

Let’s face it. Your mom wasn’t there to say yes, your dad said no, and your sister tried to do it anyway without considering the potential consequences. Ya done the right thing, pilgrim.

@cak: I thought I was clear that in no way did I advocate for this to be okay across the board.

I don’t think age is a reasonable measure of competence. That was my whole point. People make stupid decisions at 16, 56, 96, whatever. I really have to disagree with the idea that by virtue of being 16, the sister must have been completely devoid of judgment and disallowed from activities that the rest of us adults enjoy.

@nikipedia – But at 16, she is a minor. If she has been told no, then that is the answer. You are right, age, itself, isn’t the indicator; however, it is part of the factor. I’m not saying it’s perfect, but even the most mature 16yr old can make a poor choice. The difference between a 16yr old making a poor choice and a 56yr old making a poor choice is that along with the 16yr getting in trouble – let’s say drunk driving. Now, the adult that was responsible at that time for the minor child, is not legally responsible, as well.

The fact that she decided to go ahead, even after she was told no is a clear indicator that she is not mature enough to handle these decisions. She didn’t get her way, originally and then went behind his back and did it (or started to do it), anyway.

I completely agree that you cannot treat every single child the same way. Each child’s maturity level should be taken into consideration; however, on the flip side of things. You owe it to every parent, of every child that comes over to make sure you are providing a safe, and yes regulated, environment. Some parents do not consider a mixed gender party, where a parent or parents are not home, a safe and regulated environment. It’s just something that has to be considered when dealing with minors.

It’s not perfect, but it’s not just about the one child. It’s about every single child that walks through the doorway. Once they are in your house, you do have to accept a certain level of responsibility.