General Question

jessicar's avatar

What is your opinion of having sex with someone on the first date?

Asked by jessicar (225 points ) April 20th, 2009
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

39 Answers

BBSDTfamily's avatar

To each his own…
I’ve seen it work, and I’ve seen it backlash.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I don’t think it’s a good idea, personally. You don’t know them that well to give yourself physically. I’d never do it, I know.

Bagardbilla's avatar

Only way to find out!

May2689's avatar

Hmmm.. I’ve never tried it. But like Bagardbilla said, theres only one way to find out!
watch Sex and the City, theres an episode about this

SuperMouse's avatar

Probably not the best choice.

sakura's avatar

As long as your safe 1st and foremost!
If you are comfortable in yourself, and accept all possibilities as to what may happen after, could fizzle out, person could become stalker etc… Seriously as long as you do the deed with an open mind and not too many expectations as to whether or not the relationship will develop or not then you should be o.k.Everybody is different and it may be o.k. doing it on 1st date with one person and not another. Once again BE SAFE! no matter what you do!

Likeradar's avatar

I’m looking at this from a female point of view…
Sex on the 1st date has a strong possibility of taking you out of the running for someone the guy wants to impress and date, and turning you into someone the guy wants to call when he wants to get some. It can take away some of the mystery and excitement that usually goes along with early dating. But I also know people who had sex on the first date and are now married… so, like anything else, it depends on the people.
I made my current guy wait longer than I’ve ever made anyone wait before, and it was partially because I liked him so damn much.

dynamicduo's avatar

If sex is important in your relationship, then I figure it’s better to determine from the get go if the two of you are sexually compatible or not, prior to investing time and effort into the relationship.

I don’t think it’s wrong, nor do I think anything about people who engage in such, beyond the fact that they obviously aren’t the “no sex before marriage” type of person.

Facade's avatar

Bad idea.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Bad juju… unless… sex is what you’re after…

IBERnineD's avatar

Not something I would ever do, but someone else may want that.

elijah's avatar

I won’t do it. I was a bartender for 10+ years, and trust me when I say bartenders get more ass than anyone you know. Based on all my male friends that bartend I can tell you that if you are the girl that he takes home on a Saturday night, you are not the girl who goes to family dinner on Sunday.
I know there are exceptions to the rule. I know people who ended up staying together for a while or even get married.
Usually men are first physically attracted to a woman. If you give it up immediately why would he want to get to know you? He knows it’s not true when you say “I usually don’t do this…”.
If a man has to wait for sex, it gives more time to see if there’s something there besides physical attraction.
He will get emotionally involved.

casheroo's avatar

I don’t really have an opinion on it. Doesn’t make me think any less of people.

westy81585's avatar

I have had sex on the first date maybe 3 times (a few hook ups, but those I wouldn’t consider “dates”). Anyways one of them it most definitely ruined the relationship chances. I dunno why but no relationship ever came of it despite a big mutual interest. The second one and I weren’t really a BIG dating opportunity (we had our differences), and despite some efforts by myself we never went on another date.

The third, final, and most important of them, ended up being my g/f for 8–9 months. We managed to get a working relationship out of it for a while. But i’d be lying if I said I didn’t think it had a detrimental effect on our relationship. I don’t think we ever “fully” established an emotional connection like we would have had we put off the sex. It was not the reason we broke up though.

SeventhSense's avatar

Look, I still respect you. It was just one night. :0)

aprilsimnel's avatar

I wouldn’t do it, but I know a couple married for 10 years now who started their relationship by literally seeing each other across the room at the college bar, doing the do in the men’s room within a half-hour of that and afterward continued to see and get to know each other. They each liked the cut of the other’s jib outside of the sex and still do.

::shrugs:: It really does take all kinds. If you’re just so utterly attracted physically to that person that you don’t know what to do with yourself, at the very least, I’d tell them that and see what happens.

galileogirl's avatar

If one is going to sleep with people one doesn’t know, why bother with awkward social intercourse and just get down to business. That is the pro’s “date”

vanelokz's avatar

It depends what you’re seeking with this person. If you want to be seen as a booty call then go ahead.

There are the chances that you’ll me disappointed, sexually. And chances are you’re gonna start avoiding him. So unless you’re not pursuing something serious, go right ahead.

SeventhSense's avatar

@vanelokz
There are the chances that you’ll me disappointed, sexually.
I suppose you meant “be” rather than me. In my experience one can never know the nature of someone sexually or otherwise from a first date. There are too many variables and often sex is way better after you know someone a little. If for nothing else their preferences, style, temperament etc. If one always makes decisions about others solely from a first date that’s doing both people a great disservice.

fundevogel's avatar

I wouldn’t do it if you’re serious about the guy, it set s a weird pace for a relationship.

@dynamicduo – I’ve been trying to sort that out. At what point is it good to dive into sex? I’d definitely like to be able to get an idea of sexual compatibility before getting really serious, but would be nervous that the actual act of intercourse might automatically throw the ‘serious’ the switch for one of us (it’s happened before) and then you’ve got a much trickier situtation to deal with.

vanelokz's avatar

@SeventhSense: I hadn’t noticed that. Oops!

tinyfaery's avatar

I’m okay with it, and I have had it. I had sex with my wife on the first date. I’ve had one night stands, because the chemistry was there and I wanted it. No big deal. Sex doesn’t always have to “making love” I really hate that term.

jca's avatar

when i was young (young and stupid) i would just go with my physical feelings, now as a more mature person (early 40’s) i would not, i would try to control myself. i would, however, participate in a good makeout session.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

When sex comes before friendship or at least getting to know one another’s character then my opinion is everything else develops awkwardly, often not very well.

alossforwords's avatar

If you have sex with an idiot on a first date, they will still be an idiot 10 dates later, or 10 years into your marriage and after your divorce. If you are a good judge of character then, do what you will. In my experience, most women desire an emotional connection so much that it blinds them from seeing how much of a jerk a man is. Women be careful with your hearts, know that you can trust someone if you’re looking for more than just sex. To my fellow men: be careful whose heart you break… she could end up being the one that gets away.

tinyfaery's avatar

Glad to be one of those women who can seperate emotions from sex!

wundayatta's avatar

It totally rocks!

although, how would I know? I never did it. In fact, I don’t know if I ever did it before the 20th date.

JasonRobbed's avatar

It’s pretty sleazy. People who go do that should look into having some morals and self respect.

SeventhSense's avatar

@alossforwords
To my fellow men: be careful whose heart you break… she could end up being the one that gets away.
It could be true but I have no regrets. If either of us wasn’t in the right place and at the right time there’s nothing different that could have been done. I’ll often look back with rose colored glasses but hindsight isn’t always 20/20 regardless.

Likeradar's avatar

@JasonRobbed When I was single, I tended to respect the part of myself that wanted to get laid.

JasonRobbed's avatar

@Likeradar

Yeah, well self-satisfaction is most definitely the path of least resistance in life.

SeventhSense's avatar

@JasonRobbed
You’re at it again huh?

JasonRobbed's avatar

@SeventhSense

Maybe I’m from a different background than most. I’m fairly religious. I’m married with two boys. I look at how people behave and how they treat their bodies and I see a society in trouble. I see broken up families and people with no sense of moral character. I’m just expressing my opinion here which is what I thought this place was for. I’m sorry if you take offense to my points of view but I can’t really help my positions on these topics.

SeventhSense's avatar

@JasonRobbed
I’m just expressing my opinion here which is what I thought this place was for
sure you are..and so am i..no you’re just a garden variety opinionate

wundayatta's avatar

Correlation is not causation.

alossforwords's avatar

@JasonRobbed Some of us feel that people who believe in rods turning into serpents and zombie “son of god” prophets who turn water into wine are silly. This is not a place for pointing fingers, but pointing fingers certainly helps to paint a target onto the judge(mental) people. I don’t read these posts to hear closed-minded preaching. I read them to learn about other people’s ideas, which lead me to believe that there is hope for us despite people that judge and war over rules and morals that were programmed into them.

…you may have your soapbox back now.

Lothloriengaladriel's avatar

Probably not the best thing to do but the only person I’ve ever done this with; I’ve been in love with for almost 2 years now, so I guess it depends on the person and what you really want out of it.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther