How can I release the anger and pain of being betrayed?

Wow. I have no idea. Sorry.

But I really do hope you get it worked out. That just sucks. I’m on your side, fwiw.

thanks Rob, though I don’t know what fwiw means

fwiw == for what it’s worth

ohh…thanks again

what exactly do you mean by “hitting on”? They’ve been flirting? or has it been physical?

I don’t know, I have been dealing with something similar since last November. Someone I thought was a good friend just totally ripped the rug out from under me. It got so bad (the sense of betrayal and pain) that I had to go in for therapy. I know what you are going through, and I wish I had an answer for you. Hell, I don’t even have an answer for me.

what exactly do you mean by “hitting on”? They’ve been flirting? or has it been physical?

It’s a long story..I’ll try to make it short.
When he and I first were “hooking up” we were not exclusive, I walked in on him on top of her with his thing out..she claimed she was sleeping..I freaked out of course but let it go, like I said, he and I were not really an item…this is the only incident i knew of up until 2 weeks ago, when it all came out. I now know that she had just finished giving him oral sex when I walked in. Most of everything since then has been hitting on and flirting besides a few groping incidents. The latest is he was pissed at me for whatever reason and called her and said “so when are we gonna have sex already?” and her response was, “I wouldnt rule anything out.” This “BFF” is known to be easy, cries rape about once a year I guess to cover up her slutty ways, has lost friends in the past claiming the husband/boyfriend raped her.
What really kicks me in the ass is the fact that i suspected things might be going on behind my back but gave them both the benefit of the doubt, beings that she and have been bff’s for almost 20 years and he and I had a kid together and had been through a lot together. So, all this flirting and groping was going on when she would spend the night at my house, (about 2x a year), when I was sleeping.
Sorry Im sure I left out some important details, but like I said originally, I’m incredibly hurt and angry and have been having many “brain farts” as of late
Thanks for the interest.

Want me to get all shrinkistic on you? iayr

@evsma77
It sucks that you had to experience this. I think the solution has to do first with doing what you did and cutting them out of your life. That’s key because you are taking responsibility for the power you have to change things. Congratulations on that. Second it’s asking yourself why you are drawn to this type of relationship and understanding that you are 50% responsible for being in this relationship in the first place. With that knowledge you have the ability to start considering how you can improve your self esteem. Making sure that he pays for child support is a good start. And finally when you are feeling better forgiving him, her and yourself for the whole situation so you can move forward by releasing it.

go ahead, get shrinkistic, a reality check might not be a bad idea.

Well, I could just point to what SeventhSense just said and smile, because it’s a great nutshell.

But may I ask you, in my shrinkistic capacity, what you think positioned you as a young woman to accept this kind of looseness in your relationships? Do you think that’ll work again in the future? Do you think of it as normal? Is it the way you were raised? If not the way you were raised, were you rebelling? If it was the way you were raised, do you now believe this is a good way for you to raise your little guy?

You did a good strong number on yourself all these years pretending you weren’t bothered by all that messing around couldn’t be a problem. Where did that talent for denial come from in the first place?

Have you found that there have been other times in your life when you decided to believe people were honest and true, when you might have admitted they weren’t?

Is it “allowed” in your worldview to call bullshit on liars?

Why not?

…. In your place, and in my nonshrinkistic capacity, I would do something violent to some people’s most prized possessions. But I know you won’t, and that’s good.

lurve.

None of these people are your friends. Concentrate on taking care of your son. It sounds like his father isn’t very responsible.

Wait awhile before you get into another relationship. If or when you are ready to call someone your friend make sure they care about you.

what you think positioned you as a young woman to accept this kind of looseness in your relationships?

Love i guess. that and a combination of low self esteem

Do you think that’ll work again in the future?

No

Do you think of it as normal?

Not at all

Is it the way you were raised?

In a way, i think it could be…there wasn’t infidelity in my parents marriage, it was alcohol that destroyed it. One thing I left out is that he was drunk in all the incidents I spoke of

If it was the way you were raised, do you now believe this is a good way for you to raise your little guy?

Not at all, and I would have left long ago, before the recent big revelation, had it not been for the inability to support my little guy and myself without his father paying the majority of the bills…and a goal I’ve had since my son was born, is going back to school once the little guy is in full time school himself..which is this coming september, in order to be able to provide complete support. I must admit though..I’ve hoped he would change so I wouldnt be compelled to have the ability to do it on my own, then just go to school without the pressure of my sons wellbeing and happiness depending on it

Where did that talent for denial come from in the first place?

I dont know, why do we deny? the truth hurts i guess, but obviously, denial is not healthy.

Have you found that there have been other times in your life when you decided to believe people were honest and true, when you might have admitted they weren’t?

absouletly…I’m thinking therapy might help me now

Is it “allowed” in your worldview to call bullshit on liars?

Yes..I dont know why i havent..maybe because I’ve been in situations before where people accuse me of lying when I havent?
it hurts.
I guess I use benefit of the doubt too much for that reason.

You can’t.
Time can.

In the meantime, as someone said before, concentrate on growing up your child. Taking him far from all this mess will be your most precious accomplishment, and, in the long term, the most beautiful way to release the anger and pain of being betrayed.

Focus on:
1. “Is the the reality that I want my child to think is normal?”
2. “Do I want my son to grow up thinking I’m a doormat for losers to walk over, or a woman of admirable character?”

Then act accordingly. Any mistake corrected, is not a mistake. The mistake was allowing these two individuals to have control over your well-being. Do not give them permission to continue to do so.

Here’s a suggestion. Take the energy you get from the anger and pain, and use it to get yourself out of this situation entirely. Use it to motivate yourself to get out of that situation, and get yourself in a position where you can pay the bills yourself and where you don’t need him.

Because, frankly, the clear answer to this is to kick him to the curb—but if he’s paying the rent, he’s the one that gets to do the kicking. So get yourself away from him.

I’m feeling a little better today..thanks to everyone for their insight.

Glad to hear it. I hope things work out for you.

Awwww!! That’s sooo sad, i hope you guys work everything out
well if your angry then you can watch a funny movie/video or you can just hang out with your other friends but it would’nt hurt to talk everything out with your ‘bff’ and your bf. Good luck! ^.^

I hope you have discovered that with the passage of time, it has lost a lot of the sting.

masturbate.

@cadavera_innumera
I like your style