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Jiminez's avatar

Is it emasculating for a guy to not have a lot of money?

Asked by Jiminez (1245 points ) May 9th, 2009
Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

36 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

If you’re a macho, neanderthal guy, then yes. If you have the personality of a squirrel and you have nothing else going for you, then yes.

If you understand that money does not equate with the value of a person, no.

dynamicduo's avatar

Of course it’s not.

oratio's avatar

No. One is better off with enough. There are cultures where money decides if you are a man or not. Mine is not like that. At least not in my subjective world view.

cwilbur's avatar

It depends on the guy. If a man’s definition of self-worth is tied up in material goods, it’s pretty emasculating for him to not have any.

qashqai's avatar

The politically correct answer would be ‘definitely not’.

The real world answer is ‘it really depends, in some occasions yes, it is. Unfortunately’.

mattbrowne's avatar

Well, of course the first impulse of our modern rational minds answering your question is: no, of course not. On second thought the answer might not be as clear-cut. We have to look at the evolutionary past of our species. The male brain eager to pass on his genes is looking for healthy women capable of bearing plenty of healthy babies. The female brain eager to pass on her genes is looking for healthy men capable of supporting her family full of healthy babies. She’s looking for men bringing home plenty of bison, auroch and deer. The modern equivalent is called money.

Yet, the human brain is extremely flexible. Our neocortex is always ready to install new software even weird stuff. Take the whole fashion industry and turn unsuspecting girls into skinny walking skeletons and some male brains seem to get some serious rewiring. Oh, cool. I wanna have sex with her. She looks a bit fragile and I’ll be extra careful. Our brain can overrule instincts which can also be a good thing. Take contraception for example.

(please excuse my example. My blame goes to the relentless fashion and model industry. Anorexia for example is a serious disease and the victims need our full support.)

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I must have grown up with and keep the company of mostly Neanderthal and insecure men, according the posts above because most of the men I have known and know now have shared this nasty feeling about themselves at one point or another. Some of them won’t date when their wallets are pinched rather than split expenses, others put off proposing marriage until they feel they can support more than themselves even though in most couples each person works. Some men I know go through mini crisises when they reach mid and late 20’s, still in school or weighed down with huge school debts, not many assets, edgy credit and no stable career yet. Of course, I’m a woman answering this post based on conversations with male friends and acquaintances, I doubt many men would admit to these feelings in a public place, online or otherwise.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

It’s not, but western society has the undertone that it does.
I’ve known a woman who thought their man was a complete waste because he made less than her.

justwannaknow's avatar

No of course not. Especially in the current economy. Besides, what is a lot? live with what you have and everyone else can just deal with it.

Jiminez's avatar

@daloon But if a woman is out on a date and the guy she’s with doesn’t have enough to allow her to do what she wants that night, and then another guy drives up in his fancy car and fancy designer clothes, does not a thought go through her head (however briefly) about that other guy being more superior, more masculine, a more suitable partner?

I’m mostly talking about in the eyes of a woman. Of course it’s not emasculating to the guy.

Supacase's avatar

No. I once dated a guy for almost 2 years and paid for virtually everything myself. He was an unemployed loser, but I was hopelessly in love. Ugh. I did lose respect for him in that he wasn’t willing to have a future with me but still let me pay his way until he found someone “better” even though he admitted we were intellectually perfect for each other. He was incredibly smart, but lazy.

Shortly after disentangling myself from that mess, I dated a guy who was very caring and had a steady job. He got fired for beign late to often and the attraction to him instantly dissipated.

My husband didn’t make much money at all when we met, but he works his ass off and within 5 years we are comfortable. I totally respect his work ethic even though I am irritated by that damn Blackberry attached to his hip at all times.

So, I don’t think money is an issue for me, but the reasons for not having money can be.

oratio's avatar

@Jiminez Heh, that just shows a what a interesting sexual social system you have there. A real woman pays for herself.

ems's avatar

Yes, I think it is emasculating. At least it can be.

I am also wondering what amount of money people think is “not a lot of money”. Some guys are good at saving, investing and being frugal; others spend more, and have the appearance of having more money.

rooeytoo's avatar

I don’t want to be with a man who can’t pull his own weight in the finance department. So if it is going to be a lasting relationship thenI want someone who can contribute pretty much equally. I don’t want to be supported but I don’t want to support anyone either.

Emasculating is not the word I would use to describe the situation, it is more a case of simply not doing his share. I would feel the same way about a room mate of the same sex.

cak's avatar

@Jiminez – Do you want that kind of woman? Really. They just want all the flash and not substance?

I want someone reliable (like my husband) but not loaded. My husband is a mechanic. Our first date, by some standards, would be considered pitiful – but I had the best time. So much so, that I hated for it to end.

Most of the single women I know want a man that lives within their means and doesn’t try to pretend to be something they aren’t. I have some female friends that frankly, it would be difficult for someone to make more than they make – they just want someone reliable.

What is emasculating is the man that sits there and whines about it – boo-hoos about it and then wants to be taken care of. That is the man that women avoid. And should avoid.

Crusader's avatar

It is, definately, if you want a highly desireable mate, in particular.Eugenics in America; straight, white, conservative men have No support or porotection from Anywhere in government, private sector or academia, and are often betrayed by their own collegues and churches.

Women want Security, a biological imperative, whether from a violent gang-that the police and general public turn a blind eye to often, or in legitimate government and/or private sector.

God bless those of All ethnic groups that would deny the liberal facio-communist racists the fruits of their ill-gotten gains, for the sake of truth, justice, and Christ.

oratio's avatar

“Ooh, bother…” – Winnie the Pooh

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@cak this is so funny. My husband was a mechanic, too, for most of the years we’ve been married. When I met him, he was between jobs. But he’s NEVER been without a job in all the years I’ve known him. I knew he wasn’t flushed, but I didn’t care. I loved HIM. He hocked his wrist watch to take me to my junior prom. I didn’t know that for years. Some of our dates were just getting with friends & hanging out. When we came home from our honeymoon to Omaha, he had $37 in his pocket. He’s more man than anyone I’ve ever known. And how much money he had at his disposal had absolutely nothing to do with it. Anyone who lets money take the front seat of a guy is pretty shallow.

cak's avatar

@jbfletcherfan You and I are friends for a very good reason! That is so sweet, what he did to take you to junior prom – very kind. Our first date, a Mexican place – kind of a dive and a dollar movie. He was on the broker side of life, but we had a blast. We only went to the movie so I could determine if I could take my daughter, at a later date. Otherwise, we would have totally skipped the movie. The conversation just never seemed to end.

Jiminez's avatar

@oratio Social system I have? It’s not my social system. I despise that social system. I’m just asking whether it’s emasculating. The same question could be asked for women. Though, I don’t know what the female counterpart to emasculation is called. Most guys don’t want a woman who can’t support herself either.

@cak No, I don’t want that kind of woman. But… I’m really inquiring as to whether that kind of woman is rare or if every woman is that kind of woman to a certain extent. What I mean is: is having lots of money associated with masculinity? Is a man with lots of money seen as more masculine than a man with very little money? That’s what I’m inquiring about. And no one said anything about the wealthy man not having substance. Assume they have equal substance.

Jiminez's avatar

@Crusader Try not to be such an archetype.

cak's avatar

@Jiminez – Not the women I know. One, we’re all pretty independent. Two, masculinity has little to do with money. It has to do how men carry themselves, how they feel about themselves. If a man feels like his identity is his finances, most of the women I know would run from him. He’s half a man, then. Not even half.

What the women I know want, is like I said before…reliability. That doesn’t always equal a lot of money in the account. At least not the women I know. They don’t sit there and assess a man by his money, they do it by what is inside them. I’m not sure where you got this idea from…if it’s a woman, find different women to hang around.

Jiminez's avatar

@cak I don’t think I’m being heard here. I’m talking about tiny little thoughts… brief, fleeting thoughts and feelings. This question is essentially the same question as: “do you consider a soldier more masculine than a pacifist?” as a rich person is nothing more than a person who is more aggressive in acquiring things.

You say women want reliability, but do they consider a person who isn’t financially dependable less masculine? Maybe I need to be phrasing my questions better.

Please don’t assume I got this idea from anyone. And please don’t assume I believe this. I’m trying to gauge peoples’ opinions. I’m not saying I believe this is true.

cwilbur's avatar

@Jiminez: a rich person is not necessarily a person who is more aggressive at acquiring things, but can also be someone who is simply more successful, or more lucky, at acquiring things.

One of the wealthiest people I know was born with it, and spends about as much effort on increasing his fortunes as I do paying my utility bills. He’s not aggressive about it, because he doesn’t need to be.

Jiminez's avatar

That’s assuming hoarding that wealth is not an act of aggression. It is.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@cak That must have been SOME movie, LOL. :-)

cwilbur's avatar

@Jimenez: Well, hell, if we redefine words to suit our arguments, then you’re a Republican.

Crusader's avatar

@cwilbur

said, ‘Well..h..ll, if we redefine our word to suite our arguments, then your a Republican..’

Thats the proverbial kettle calling the pot black , cwilber,
your have ‘redefined’ in Every thread I have seen you post.
Also, what are you now, the Democrat inquisitor? Just the threat of Republican is enough now is it? Thats what the communist in Cambodia/Russian and the Facists in Germany/Italy did, too…Perhaps you would like to see such activities in America? If you benefited personally, of course.

cak's avatar

@Jiminez – I guess I just don’t see what being rich has to do with being masculine. Truly, to me, it doesn’t. I’ve been pondering this question and have asked around and have gotten some really puzzled looks. I guess my friends and I aren’t qualified to answer your question. It’s a hypothetical question – we’ve thrown out opinions, but it’s not what you are looking for.

Interesting, hope you get someone on your thought process…clearly, it’s not me.

wundayatta's avatar

@Jiminez I think you’re talking about looks, instead of reality. How many movies have shown guys renting a tux and a Rolls so he could impress some chick?

Sure, some women may be impressed by the appearance of money. I suspect that both the guy and the girl get what they deserve, if they are focused on appearances.

Women like @cak and @jbfletcherfan have the ability to look beneath appearances to see something else; something, I hope, that is more valuable. Perhaps we could call it character? Or aliveness? Interest in life?

Many wealthy people try not to show their wealth. They live modestly. You’d never know they were millionaires. Many people who come from parents who weren’t wealthy go for all the trappings and appearances of wealth as soon as they’ve got any money.

I’ve known guys who own fancy sports cars, because they can drive down the street, and some girls will offer to get in the car. Silly things. Some people are shallower than others. SO it goes.

Jiminez's avatar

@cak Like I said, I’m not saying I believe this to be true. I’m just being a scientist, of a sort, and surveying everyone. With that said, one can’t rule out that there are different reasons for people answering a certain way. For many, saying yes would either mean they or someone they know is suddenly less masculine. And no one ever said anything about the merits of masculinity. All in all, I am happy with your confusion and your answer because I’m a socialist. I don’t think any one person should have a lot of money. I think our masculinity should be assessed in other ways.

cwilbur's avatar

@Crusader: You appear to be having some sort of an episode. Perhaps you could take a deep breath and post something coherent?

jonsblond's avatar

@cak & @jbfletcherfan We love our blue collar men, don’t we!

cak's avatar

@jonsblond Absolutely! Wouldn’t have it any other way!

Crusader's avatar

To all,

Its not just the lack of wealth that is emasculating,
it is also the perception of being a ‘loser.’ It’s not the money in and of itself, but what it can buy, in a word, freedom. Freedom of self-expression, freedom of time, freedom of living standards. Freedom of choice. Plenty of hideous men with beautiful women, most of the clerics in Islam have beautiful Very young brides, several of them, and they are All wealthy. Combine wealth with no-holds- barred masagynistic ‘religion’ and the objective is to become wealthy to increase the Harem size.

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