General Question

bezdomnaya's avatar

When you give a present to someone for letting you stay at their house, do you do so when you arrive or when you leave?

Asked by bezdomnaya (1432 points ) June 13th, 2009

What is your reasoning for your answer?

I went to Brussels recently and stayed at a friend’s parents’ house. I was there with some other friends, and we had a disagreement on when the thank you gift should be given to the hosts. When would you give the gift? And what is your justification for your choice?

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18 Answers

whatthefluther's avatar

I usually treat them to dinner at a nice place towards the end of the visit.

Ivan's avatar

Honestly, who cares?

Seriously, the timing of the gift should not be an issue.

bezdomnaya's avatar

@whatthefluther Thank you for your response. What is your reasoning for going with towards the end of the visit?

@Ivan Why bother answering the question if you have nothing constructive to add?

gailcalled's avatar

I would always arrive with a gift. And if I were staying for several days, I would also take the family out for dinner.

chyna's avatar

And it could depend on the gift. If you are giving flowers or wine or food, do it when you arrive for the obvious reasons.

whatthefluther's avatar

@bezdomnaya…I usually arrive with flowers (butters them up), then how well I was treated determines how nice a place I take them for dinner (treatment could change and too soon could result in my wishing I had taken them to McD’s).

alive's avatar

arrival or first meal you are having together. earliy is better than late. it is a nice way to kick things off and get on the right foot

MacBean's avatar

Why not both?

Ivan's avatar

@bezdomnaya

Mine is the most constructive yet.

eponymoushipster's avatar

when you arrive. you might leave a card or reiterate your gratitude, but you give the gift right at the beginning.

susanc's avatar

Yes, both. Fun for you and them. You get to go to a nice restaurant they’ve vetted by
living in the area. They get to feel special. winwin if this happens twice.

EmpressPixie's avatar

I try to arrive with one, but if I just can’t, then I leave one when I go.

hug_of_war's avatar

I think it’s nice to come with a gift because it shows the hosts you really appreciate it and know you’re in a way intruding on their space.

YARNLADY's avatar

What I used to do is bring a gift upon arrival, and then leave cash in a funny place, such as in the bathroom or the refrigerator.

These days, it’s all family, so we don’t do gifts.

Velvetinenut's avatar

I gave my hosts a bottle of Grey Goose on the first day of my stay. When I left, I left a Thank-You email in both their inboxes. Now that I have returned home, I’ll be sending a Thank-You card in the next couple of days.

They had been wonderful hosts, refused to let me pay for anything and brought me around their town.

Darwin's avatar

I give a gift when I arrive. I leave behind or mail a thank you card at the end of my visit. If our relationship permits I may ask permission to cook a special dinner for them while I am there. If I don’t know them as well then I take them out to dinner.

susanc's avatar

Yes! Cooking a meal for hosts (if they’re willing) is a really nice thing to do. And it exposes you to the wonders of your friends’ local grocery store, etc. – part of what travel is for.

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

Personally I would give them the gift when you arrive just so they don’t go days thinking “Hmmm, it was kind of rude that our guest didn’t even bring a gift for us” and not find out until the last day that you WERE acually thinking of them.

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