General Question

wundayatta's avatar

Have you ever dropped a crowd of friends?

Asked by wundayatta (58367 points ) June 16th, 2009

Maybe you’ve changed and the old crowd no longer is interesting or appropriate for you. Why did you do this? How did you feel about it? What consequences did it have?

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20 Answers

seekingwolf's avatar

When I was 13 years old, my best friend and I were working to get accepted by this huge social group. They were mostly smart kids, very into theatre. We got in and were accepted.

However, I had other friends who had mental disabilities and I sat with them sometimes. My group made fun of me because I sat with them and gave them dirty looks. One day, one of the autisitic girls came over to my “group” table to see me. I let her sit next to me and everyone else said “ewww” and moved away. I pitched a fit and said “Fuck you, you’re not accepting of anyone who is different and I don’t want to be friends anymore! You suck!”

My best friend and I are still friends..we will always be. I turned into a “loner” after that and people bullied me. I later moved on to private school that year and was very successful.

I don’t hang out with my best friends’ friends, I just leave her house when they come over. Like I care. They all did mediocre in school, go to mediocre colleges, and are basically the most boring people you could talk to…they didn’t “age” well in my opinion.

autumn43's avatar

It wasn’t an intentional, thought out “I gotta drop these people deal”. It was an unfortunate situation that turned friends against friends. They took sides. They were friends with my former friend first, so that’s where it ended. I lost four friends in one, fell swoop.

I was surprised that it ended that way, but you know what? As adults we get to move on and make our own way. Most of us have our own minds and are not influenced by what others think. I have found new, wonderful friends that I may not have met if I was still hanging with the old crowd. When I think about them, I get a little sad thinking about what they are up to, do they have families, etc., but life goes on.

Their loss too, as I’m a pretty darn amazing person. said tongue in cheek

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

When I decided to go to college, most of my main group of friends stayed in my hometown. At first, we would visit each other often (it was only about 2 hours away). Over the years as I was introduced to new and exciting things, most of my friends got stuck in a rut and never grew up. Most of them still live at home, and are unemployed and all are in the 23–25 year old range.

I still consider them friends and see them once in a while, but our friendship isn’t what it once was. I kinda feel bad about this, because some of them truly were great friends, and we’ve drifted apart so much. We’ve a part of two different crowds now, and don’t have the same interests anymore. That being said, when old friends drift away, new friends come along, and I’m quite happy with my new friends.

casheroo's avatar

I don’t think I’ve ever intentionally dropped a group of friends, it was usually because we grew apart.

My husband stopped being friends with two of his best friends, right about the time we got together. He didn’t respect them anymore, didn’t like the life they were living or the choices they were making. It was a huge life change for him, in the long run.

Les's avatar

I’m one of those people who has never had a lifelong friend. I pretty much hated everyone I knew when I was a kid (read: before high school). High school was fun and I had a bunch of friends, but when we went to college, I pretty much lost contact with most of them. Sure, I still have a bunch of them as “friends” on Facebook, but I’d never plan to meet up with them now. College, again I had a bunch of friends, but I’m really only in contact with a few now, one of them being my best friend and former roommate. So I guess I have dropped all kinds of “groups”, but not intentionally. We just drifted apart, and none of us seem to be any good at picking up a telephone.

Jack_Haas's avatar

All of them, actually. If I can’t be a good friend I’ll disappear, it’s as simple as that. I’m the guy who invites friends to fine restaurants, upscale clubs and always picks up the tab no matter what. No matter what happens in my life, I like to entertain my friends, share the best of what life has to offer with them, make them smile, bring them joy.

So when I lost my wealth and my canine daughter had a life threatening condition that had me preoccupied for her longevity I couldn’t be a good friend anymore. I just vanished and have no intention of “resurrecting” anytime soon.

kevbo's avatar

I was pretty tight with a group of friends from a few years ago. We were all volunteers for or employees of a local arts org and did the work together/play together thing fairly regularly throughout the year, including weekly happy hours. Mostly, I fell away from the group. I chalk it up to a mixture of a new relationship (they weren’t my gf’s kind of people), me leaving the workaday world to travel and unwind (which changed my social life and network in many ways, including leaving the arts org), and a “realization” that I was insecure and/or didn’t fit in among the group. Actually, we were all pretty different people, but I guess I felt pretty low on the totem pole and found myself trying too hard to be special. Plus, one of the women with whom I enjoyed a heavily flirtatious relationship got engaged to a megalomaniac muckity muck who was boorish and clearly believed I was beneath him. She changed along with the relationship, so I lost that connection.

Thankfully, the progression was sort of natural. I spent a lot of the winter skiing and consequently was out of town for many happy hours.

About a year later, I got an out of the blue e-mail invite for the pre-wedding party for the woman mentioned above. It felt weird to get an e-mail invite without some kind of contact beforehand (plus all of the other baggage on my end at least), so I didn’t go.

Recently, I ran into one of the guys who was sort of a more peripheral member and whom I liked. He said everyone still spoke well of me and that I should come hang out, but I still feel the same insecurity about hanging out with them. I feel like I’d have less in common with them now than I ever did.

wundayatta's avatar

Recently, I was ill for a year or so, and I was unable to pick up the phone to make a call. My college friends, who I had been in touch with for over two decades—not a one of them called me. I thought that was really weird, and it made me wonder what we are to each other any more. I haven’t felt like reaching out to them now that I can pick up a phone. I wonder about myself. What am I looking for in a friend? How can I be willing to give up something that has such longevity? People who used to know me so well?

Maybe that’s it. They weren’t in touch with me for a time when I was going through a huge change, and now they don’t know this very important part of me. I don’t know if I can, or if I want to explain it. I don’t know if I trust them any more. I guess it’s too weird—like I’m no longer the person who they were friends with.

I’m sad. I’m disappointed. When I think about it too much, it makes me feel like I just don’t count. I’d rather hang out with people who do check up on me. Maybe, like many of you, we’ve just drifted too far apart.

Likeradar's avatar

Yes, for the “wrong” and “right” reasons.

During my second year of college I dropped a very nice group of smart, motivated girls. I was finding them slightly boring, and I decided I would rather get wasted, do lots of drugs, screw up my GPA, and hang out with “bad boys” with the new friends I had met.

A few years later I dropped them too. Although it was fun while it lasted.

The consequences were my reputation was shot (small campus), it took a long time and a lot of work to do well in school again, I don’t have many friends from college, and, quite honestly, I miss the thrill of getting into trouble with the 2nd group I dropped.

autumn43's avatar

daloon – sometimes time passes and I think “OMG! It’s been a whole YEAR?” Not that I’m making excuses for your friends, as I would have imagined someone could have/would have called you, but it does happen. One would think in this day and age of instant technology that an email or text would be the best/quickest way to stay in touch, as the more formal letter or note writing have gone by the wayside. But I’m betting a lot of people get an email and want to respond in more detail and then forget and THINK they did because they had a response in their mind. (is this making any sense!? LOL!)

I think you are still the same person they were friends with, just with new workings. I can’t imagine they would ever think you don’t count, or be uninterested in the things you went through if they truly were your friends before.

Here’s a little anecdote- I hadn’t seen one of my friends in over a year. We exchanged Christmas cards this past year with the all the ‘we should get together’ blah, blah. It hadn’t happened. Last weekend we bumped into each other at a local fundraiser and it was like we never missed a step. We hugged and I told her that I thought of her often, and then felt funny when I let so much time pass. She had felt the same way. We reconnected and are planning on dinner with spouses in the near future.

DominicX's avatar

No, but I’m sure that going off to college with essentially do that automatically. I’ll still keep in touch with everyone on Facebook, but I know that location ends things. I moved from Las Vegas to San Francisco after 5th grade and I lost almost everyone. There are still a couple that I keep in touch with even to this day. I’m lucky, though, to be going to college with several people who were part of my “crowd of friends” at high school, so I’m guessing we will still be friends throughout college.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Never a crowd, a couple of people here and there, yes

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

No crowds but acquaintances who don’t develop into friends, I kind of drop away from them. There’s nothing wrong with acquaintances or onetime friends who become acquaintances, it’s a structuring of your mortal time and focus, who you want to be your core group and who you decide to bring into/add to that group.

zephyr826's avatar

When I broke things off with my ex, I lost his friends who had become my friends. As I think back to it, we stayed together for six months longer than we should have because I didn’t want to lose them. I still miss them on occasion, though I don’t waste time thinking about him.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

There’s a tendency to assign “friend” status to classmates and co-workers, when really they’re acquaintances. People are absorbed in their own lives and often don’t have the bandwidth to make room for someone new, unless they’re also someone in transition.

Blondesjon's avatar

When I was twelve years old me and three buddies of mine set off, down a set of railroad tracks, to see a dead body.

We got into a huge fight after I wrote it all down and then sold the rights to Stephen King and Rob Reiner.

We haven’t spoken since.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

I did at the end of this semester because I didn’t feel like I was appreciated or being treated well. I think it was all for the best because I branched out to other people a little more and found myself being even more self-sufficient. I actually gained a lot of confidence from it. I can’t really say there were consequences, other than the fact that I’m sure that much was said behind everyone’s backs. I hope things have calmed down now, I suppose. I feel good about it now definitely.

rexpresso's avatar

I’ve dropped crowds more than a couple of times because I felt they were not contributing to my personal growth. I’d rather be more of a loner than just waste my time with less-than-positive interactions. By sticking to less-than-great friendships/crews you never know what you could be missing. And one of the most important things for a sane happy life is to be okay just by yourself. Then, of course, one must strive to find the right people with whom to share that happiness.

Clair's avatar

i’ve always been the loner and my family used to drag me all over the country so i’ve changed friends a lot. we’d keep in touch for a while, sometimes we’d grow apart, sometimes i’d realize that i don’t really wanna be friends with ‘people like that’ anymore. most of them are immature and i’m not growing by hanging out with those losers.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I dropped all those idiots from high school that are homophobic. I don’t need those people, and I surely don’t need their prejudices.

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