General Question

Jude's avatar

Those who are gay and lesbian, would you like to get married and have children?

Asked by Jude (31974 points ) July 7th, 2009

If you met the one that you wanted to be with, and, say, if gay marriage was legal wherever you end up living (settling down)...

I live in Ontario (same-sex marriage is legal) and a lot of my lesbian friends (couples) are getting hitched and having bambinos. :)

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33 Answers

MissAnthrope's avatar

Yes, I would.

Jude's avatar

@AlenaD Me, too.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

There will always be a spread across the spectrum for this. You’ll have those who will want to do it and those who won’t want to do it.

Then again, why marriage? Is it for the legal status marriage gives?

whitenoise's avatar

Is marriage necesarry to protect your status as parents, when you’d like to have children?

Otherwise, the wish for children can be very strong and I can imagine you could go for one even though you can’t get the other yet.

cwilbur's avatar

Of course I’d like to get married. It means that the person is legally considered family and next of kin, and simplifies a lot of legal matters.

(I live in a state where it’s legal. It’s a question of finding the right person now.)

As far as kids: no, can’t say that I have any interest.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

Me is wondering whether all those who reply to this question will have their sexuality come under scrutiny.
Hmm…

MissAnthrope's avatar

Marriage is a legal representation of a relationship. It means we can legally share assets, get tax breaks, share health insurance, are recognized as parents of our partners’ children, are allowed to visit our partners in the hospital, share property, etc. etc. I think it’s something straight people often take for granted.

me2you0987's avatar

hahahahahahah same here with cwilbur !!

EmpressPixie's avatar

Just popping in to mention the Gay Tax

The second article is particularly sad, especially if you then go and find an article that elaborates on the AL/SS story.

Jude's avatar

@Saturated_Brain AlenaD answered your question there (and I concur).
Really, what my question was, is, (if it was legal), could you see yourself marrying and having a family in the future. Simple. For some of my friends in the gay/lesbian community here in Ontario, the desire to get married/family just isn’t there.

whitenoise's avatar

@all @EmpressPixie I just want to express my sympathy to all those over yonder that suffer these inequities and hope you guys get things straitened out – no pun intended – for the gays and lesbians. I am a parent and I am married. These things define me and are dearer to me than anything. Withholding such from people is in my mind withholding them from essential human rights. I didn’t realize the financial cosequences for gays and lesbians. Bizarre.

Jude's avatar

@EmpressPixie That’s ridiculous. Very sad, indeed.

syz's avatar

I’d like the same rights as a married couple – as an atheist, I don’t really care what it’s called. No kids, thanks.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

If you are gay/lesbian, does it bother you that you and your partner cannot have biological children together? The greatest part of being a parent is looking at my baby and knowing it is half of me and half of my husband.

whitenoise's avatar

@BBSDTfamily
With all respect for your emotion (really!!!). I have that feeling as well and that is cool. Nevertheless I look at my kids and most time I marvel at their beauty, their wits and the pure wonder of life. I rarely think about who’s babies they were, I mostly look and wonder at the people they’re turning into.

gailcalled's avatar

My best friend is gay and happily in love with his bf. Years ago he and a close woman buddy agreed to have a child together so they co-habited for several years and conceived Avi, now aged 25. The mother, my friend, my friend’s bf and the son are all still close, and the parental partenship continues. All seem to be thriving.

@Whitenoise; Puns are great; it’s “straightened” out. “Straits” are watery geographical narrows, such as the Straits of Gibraltar.

whitenoise's avatar

@gailcalled
Thanks Gail – not being a native speaker shows every now and then… doesn’t it.
It was a typo that didn’t get caught, though.

gailcalled's avatar

@whitenoise: If you are not a native speaker, you are certainly close to one. What’s your first language? Go ahead and depress me. Tit for tat.

tinyfaery's avatar

I am married, though not legally. We do not plan to have children.

fireinthepriory's avatar

I’d definitely like to get married, and I’d think about having kids, too. It would probably depend on my future wife’s desires – but I think I’d be a good parent.

cwilbur's avatar

@BBSDTfamily: I know adopted parents who say basically the same thing. Genetics aren’t everything.

whitenoise's avatar

@gailcalled
Ik ben Nederlands. Nederlands: de moeder van alle talen ;-) Bedankt voor het compliment!

gailcalled's avatar

@What is it with you Dutchmen (and Belgians)?. We have several here (Vincentt and 15 year old Klaas4), and their English is also embarrassingly close to perfect. Natives of the smaller Western European countries speak many languages well out of necessity, I suppose.

U bent van harte welkom.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@BBSDTfamily – Not having had kids, I can’t say what it’ll be like after.. I’m sure it will be wonderful in its own way. That said, I am definitely sad that my partner and I won’t be able to share genes in one child, I think it would be so wonderful to see the combination of my partner and myself reflected there. I am a bit envious of straight couples for this reason, part of the beauty of having a child is getting to see the things you love about your partner exhibited in your offspring. Also, I know I find my girlfriends beautiful, and would so love to bear a child that resembles them. :)

DominicX's avatar

I am gay, and yes, I do think that if I met someone whom I would want to spend my life with, I would want to get married and have kids. As @AlenaD mentioned, I am a little envious that two men cannot have a biological child together, because that would be pretty cool…but that’s not the point. It could still be partly biological if it’s done with a surrogate, and plenty couples adopt, including straight couples. It’s not like couples who adopt have less love just because their kids are not biologically theirs.

Marriage does give advantages and I believe that gay couples should be able to obtain the same legal status. It doesn’t have to be called “marriage” or whatever, it doesn’t have to be done in a church, but they should be able to obtain the same legal status.

gailcalled's avatar

My daughter has an old friend with a partner..both females. They each got pregnant with the same donor sperm and now have two daughters, who are genetically half-sisters.

fireinthepriory's avatar

@AlenaD, @DominicX, @BBSDTfamily, etc. – Don’t be so sure it’s not possible. :) There have been a lot of advances in reproductive technology as of late…

http://www.scribd.com/doc/2058248/New-Scientist-SameSex-Reproduction

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reproduction#Same-sex_reproduction

http://www.samesexprocreation.com/timeline.htm

The last site particularly is a little sketchy, but I do think that there’d be enough interest in same-sex reproduction for it to be extremely lucrative, which means that sooner or later (and probably sooner) someone’s going to figure it out.

Despite the fact that I’m extremely pro-adoption (three of my five siblings are adopted and I truly love all five fiercely and equally) and it’d likely be hells of expensive, I think I’d be sorely tempted to go for it, too. It’d just be so frigging cool to have my baby literally have two mommies! (Haha, this is what I get for being a scientist.)

BBSDTfamily's avatar

@gailcalled I think that’s cool. There is a famous chef who did the same thing with her partner. Except they have 3, and I believe implanted both of their eggs in whoever carried the 3rd one and do not really know which is it’s biological mother, b/c it doesn’t matter to them.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

@cwilbur I’m very pro-adoption and agree that most adoptive parents love their children just as much as biological parents, but I’m just saying that to many heterosexual couples creating a biological child is very important and special on top of raising the child together.

artificialard's avatar

@BBSDTfamily My adopted friend was talking about how parents reconcile the difference between families that adopt and families that have their own biological children. For adoptive families those parents go through a laborious process for a child they uniquely picked. Both situations forge their own equally special bonds.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

@artificialard I agree that there are special bonds in both situations. I just asked if it bothers any homosexual couples. There may be some that it does bother, like someone said a few posts up.

MissAnthrope's avatar

@fireinthepriory – I had read an article about the decline of the Y chromosome and they talked about the advances in female-female reproduction.. I just barely allowed myself a tiny bit of hope that it would be possible by the time I have a life-partner and am ready to have babies. Thanks for those links.. yay, science!

monsoon's avatar

I’m in a relationship where it’s pretty clear that if it were legal, we would get married; not settling for anything half-assed.

Probably no kids though, at least not for a long time (I’m 22).

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