General Question

mebell's avatar

Why won't my boyfriend accept me as a friend on facebook?

Asked by mebell (45 points ) July 21st, 2009

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and he has had a facebook account he never used. Recently I requested to be his friend on it but haven’t been accepted. I thought it was because he’s never on it and hasn’t seen my pending request but I’ve just found out he added his ex after I requested him, meaning he’s seen my request but is ignoring it. What should I do? He also spends a lot of time on his mobile, never leaves the room without taking it with him and becomes very jumpy if I sit down next to him while he’s on it. His behaviour is very suspicious and although I know I need to confront him, I’m araid of opening a can of worms that can never be closed.

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30 Answers

Capt_Bloth's avatar

It sounds like you know why he won’t add you as a friend. You are right to be suspicious. Confront him or it will be more painful later on

Nially_Bob's avatar

Have you discussed the matter with him yet?

cak's avatar

Let’s think about this:

He hasn’t added you. (that way his ex can’t see you on his page and you can’t see his activities.

He added his ex. (He can talk to her or send her messages, without you knowing they are talking.)

He is acting weird if you are even next to him while he’s on the phone. (He doesn’t want you to hear a female voice, probably.)

You are afraid of the can of worms? I think that ship has sailed. Talk to him or tolerate his cheating or attempting to cheat on you.

May2689's avatar

It looks like youre avoiding the obvious: he definetly has something going on, and doesnt want you to know. Confront him!

eponymoushipster's avatar

what’s his relationship status? soon-to-be single.

Jeruba's avatar

He is up to something. Open the can. You need to see what’s under the worms.

hug_of_war's avatar

Definitely weird. I can almost guarantee when you ask him about this he will get overly defensive. Better to open this can early though. Much worse to delude yourself into thinking things are okay.

SuperMouse's avatar

I would agree with the consensus, Dude is up to something. You need to talk to him about it ASAP.

asmonet's avatar

Jesus, my coworker just had this exact same issue.

What. The. Fuck. Ever.

It’s the INTERNET!

Also, dump him.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

If you can’t talk to him about this, your relationship is in bigger trouble than you may think.

TommyLeeJones's avatar

No no no!, give him a second chance

jk

cyn's avatar

confront him! it’s the best thing to do in this situation.
you’ll learn from this experiance,

BBSDTfamily's avatar

Isn’t it obvious???? He doesn’t want you to see his profile. There is a reason for it, and you can bet it’s not one that will make you smile.

Ansible1's avatar

I think he’s pretty dumb if he thinks something like that would go unnoticed…Bring it up to him, he won’t be surprised (unless he really is that dumb).

richardhenry's avatar

The worms are all cheating on you. All of them.

I think it’s time for out.

Zendo's avatar

It is obviously much better for your relationship not to be friends on facebook…and your BF is wise enough to know it. You should be extra loving to him this week for caring enough that he would spare you the tedium of his facbooking.

Likeradar's avatar

@Zendo Is there a ~ missing at the end of your post?

aprilsimnel's avatar

Yeah, the red card’s up on this one. I’m sorry.

Inofaith's avatar

Having your boy / girl friend on facebook probably isn’t a good thing unless you live far apart.
When people in a relation spend way to much time together and know ALL about what the other is doing you don’t have your own life and privacy anymore. that’s bad for a relationship.

This sounds a bit weird like you phrased it. Better confront him and figure out what’s going on.

Facade's avatar

Along with everything everyone else has said, don’t mope around about breaking up with his trifling ass. Go out and have fun :)

filmfann's avatar

He’s on the prowl for new love.
As the poet Homer once said: Welcome to dumpsville. Population: you.

Jeruba's avatar

Now that we’ve all let her have it pretty straight, I want to put a word of sympathy out there for mebell. She wrote:

…although I know I need to confront him, I’m afraid of opening a can of worms that can never be closed

I think most of us can understand that fear and know how you feel. It’s a natural desire to cling to that moment before you learn the horrible truth.

Suppose you’re on your way to the doctor to get the results of an important test, and you know as you’re driving down the freeway that the answer he’s about to give you could change your life forever. Even though the truth is already known and your fate is already set, it’s the knowing that seems irreversible. Once you know, you have to do something. And you can never unknow it. It is very hard sometimes to leave the safety of ignorance and face the painful, life-altering truth.

The thing is, @mebell, that safety is an illusion. Until you do face the thing, you can never deal with it and you can never move beyond it. The only way out of this one is through it. You won’t have any peace anyway until you’ve settled this.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

lol come on kiddo, use your noggin

dynamicduo's avatar

The only way to find out is by using your words and asking him! I’m not sure why so many people think that random Internet folk are a better substitute for talking with your partner/doctor/mom/etc. Words solve problems. Even a lack of words solves problems – if he ignores your question or dismisses it, that’s a sign that something fishy is going on.

Sure it can be scary to open the can of worms, but I think you already know that’s what you need to do. So if all you need is permission or the go-ahead to talk with him, then consider it granted.

softtop67's avatar

the facebook friend thing is trivial. I woul dhowever have a discussion with him as to why his actions make you feel uncertain about the relationship and see if he cares enough to calm your fears

mebell's avatar

Thanks for the answers everyone. I took the advice and had it out with him only to have
my thoughts and fears rubbished. Apparently I have hormonal issues(his words)!! What do I do now? Obviously his recent behaviour has given me reason to doubt him but is that something I can rebuild or are we doomed?

Likeradar's avatar

@mebell Your boyfriend is a person who
a) Makes it clear that either he has something to hide or wants you to believe he does, and
b) Blames you with the most stereotypical BS possible when you bring up your valid concerns.

You want to stay in this relationship because…?

mebell's avatar

Very good point likeradar. Thank you

daemonelson's avatar

I highly recommend taking up this issue with him.

Although, you seem to think he may be up to something (and you may be right, you probably know him better than I do), but until you can talk to him about it, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt.

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