Social Question

le_inferno's avatar

Do you assume that if someone's really attractive, they must have some kind of major flaw under the surface?

Asked by le_inferno (6154 points ) August 6th, 2009

For some reason, I live off this perception that justice exists among people, and (mostly) everyone is balanced. In particular, if someone is extremely attractive, I assume this must mean they are seriously lacking in other areas. I feel society conditions them to be empty and shallow, because they’re used to their looks getting them everything they want. For this reason, sometimes I don’t even bother trying to attain a very good-looking guy, because it’s like they’re just eye-candy and don’t have much else to offer. Another aspect of it is that I’d rather go for someone more average who I think I have more of a chance with. So, in a way, this thinking could all be due to insecurity, or it could hold some truth. What do you think?

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25 Answers

asmonet's avatar

No, not really.

casheroo's avatar

No, never.
Looks don’t define a person.

asmonet's avatar

Besides, casheroo is one sexy mama, and she’s bursting with sweet stuff and brains, so there. Proof.

kenmc's avatar

@asmonet MMMM sweet braaaaiiiinnnnnssss

peyton_farquhar's avatar

Only if they also have enormous breasts.

dannyc's avatar

And CNN and the papparazzi will find it, come hell or high water. Looks are fleeting, do not fall into the trap of any judgments on anyone for anything until you know them, it is pointless. Enjoy their beauty if you will, but that too can be such a small totality of their persona.

asmonet's avatar

@dannyc: You know there are beautiful, talented people that aren’t famous too. Shocking, I know.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

No, never. That way of thinking is just as absurd as believing that someone who wears glasses is automatically smart.

le_inferno's avatar

Hmm. So far I seem to be alone in this thinking. In my experience, I’ve never been able to make a meaningful connection with someone who is the 10/10 type, I just find they never seem to have much substance. Cause in the world we live in, they honestly don’t need it.

NaturalMineralWater's avatar

Everyone has flaws above and below the surface.

dpworkin's avatar

Who among us has no flaws, and what do we mean by attractive? Are beautiful people exempt from ordinary human frailty, or do we just notice it more in them because we like the feeling of schadenfreude that it gives us?

asmonet's avatar

@le_inferno: Im inclined to believe that’s you judging them differently and more harshly than you would someone of ‘normal’ beauty, causing them to rank lower on your scale of worthiness. Not necessarily because of their own failings.

mammal's avatar

Sounds like the fox who couldn’t reach the grapes. Or you feel that an attractive partner is more difficult to shepheard.

le_inferno's avatar

@pdworkin Who said anything about human frailty? What I was getting at was that I often find very beautiful people lacking intellectual depth, thus difficult to connect with and form a meaningful relationship with. I’m not saying they’re all airheads, just that their beauty might often cause them to get caught up in artificial, trivial aspects of life due to their exterior advantages. @asmonet. I see what you’re saying—it’s kind of that, I guess. It’s just a way of thinking I employ to make it “fair”, if you will. Like, if she’s that beautiful, she can’t possibly be that interesting. Kind of a reassurance that no one is so much better off than someone else. You know? Like I said in the original post, it could just be a side effect of insecurity, to see things how I do.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

This discussion invites a sort of “vanity vs. beauty” dialogue.
“Beauty” just is, while “vanity” is manufactured by human ego and desire and often takes on twisted forms.

Grisaille's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic Great answer. It is imperative that the two are separate.

Question for Inferno: Don’t you think it’s a little hypocritical to say that attractive people are shallow, yet you are making a broad generalization about them?

Isn’t that one in the same?

dpworkin's avatar

I don’t know, I was once married to a beautiful woman. I think that’s a pretty objective description, anyway, and most people seemed to agree that she was unusually good looking. She was also an accomplished artist, an athlete, a knowledgeable music lover, an interesting companion, and she proved to be a wonderful mother. For various reasons we were divorced in 1987 (we met in 1972) but we are still friends today, even though our children long ago left the nest. I think people are people, and each must be judged on his or her own terms.

Also, our kids took after their mom, and both are very good looking. (We had a boy and a girl). I don’t think they pay very much attention to their looks. Each of them is accomplished in some important way, both work hard, both were very good students, both are decent and kind, and do not seem to feel that they are somehow special, but If I showed you photographs I don’t think there is any doubt that you would find them both to be unusually attractive. You can look at my avatar and see what I look like. Just an old guy.

aprilsimnel's avatar

No. I’ve met and know people of all kinds who have personalities and intelligence levels of all kinds. Some “ugly” people have been nasty, mean and ignorant, and some “good-looking” people have been intelligent and kind. And vice versa. Everywhere on the spectrum, really.

Besides, “really attractive” means different things to different people.

augustlan's avatar

Unadorned beauty doesn’t cause me to think anything other than “wow, she’s beautiful”. However, the way someone chooses to adorn themselves might trigger some presumptions. Bleached blonde on sky high heels wearing a midriff baring top says one thing, while jeans and flipflops with a casual shirt says another. Even then though, I try very hard not to listen to those presumptions, and evaluate each person as an individual.

le_inferno's avatar

@Grisaille I don’t think it’s really hypocritical, I’m not really accusing all attractive people of being shallow… rather, I am pointing out that it’s an expected outcome based on how they’re conditioned to see the world. Like others have pointed out, it’s not universal. Experiences make a huge difference, and everyone reacts differently to circumstances. If a remarkably attractive person is constantly treated differently for how they look, I’m saying they’ll most likely start to take advantage of that. They wouldn’t need to worry as much about “character.” Of course, it’s completely possible for them to simply overlook the circumstances and ignore all the attention. Like I said, it’s more of an explanation that I come up with just to satisfy myself.

Zendo's avatar

You know what they say when you assume… It makes an ass out of u and me ass/u/me.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I’m guilty of being more suspicious of very attractive people who show interest in me than people I deem of average attractiveness. It’s not that I think they’re shallow or less intelligent but I do suspect them of being more manipulative with their looks. Having said that, I love to look at attractive people as much as anyone but it takes me a little bit to warm up to them and trust their interactions or interests in me.

Jack79's avatar

Yes I do.

OpryLeigh's avatar

I don’t believe I have ever thought that just because I think someone is attractive they must have some kind of major flaw else where. Having said that, I am still very judgemental and first impressions usually make my mind up about someone) but that is based more on body language and attitude than the way they look physically.

wundayatta's avatar

If everyone has flaws underneath (and I believe we all do), then attractive people also have such flaws.

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