How do i help my friend get over my brother?

Asked by InkyAnn (2441

) August 19th, 2009

Ok so I have this friend ive known since the frist day of pre-school. We always hung out and she knew my family well even my older brother, younger sisters and younger brother. She moved away in 5th grade and just recently moved back, im like her only friend here so we hang out alot and i love her to death (so happy to have her back in my life). Were in our 20’s now so we’ve all done some growing up. Well one night we were at my house having a few glasses of wine when she said “wow your lil brother really grew up” (hes 19 almost 20 now) I said “yha he has, hes quit the looker lol” well she asked if i minded the fact that she liked him and I said ” no not at all have at him hes single just dont hurt him”(honestly it really didnt bother me). Well they started talkin and she really started to like him. One night we were all drinkin at the house and they “hooked up” if you know what i mean. After that she told me that he started acting like he barely knew her. At first she thought that it was he was embarressed about the sex because he was drunk and kinda “sloppy” but about week later she had enough and confronted him by asking if thats why he changed his attitude toward her, she said he said no and stoped responding to her msg’s. Now I dont get involed in my brother personal life because frankly I dont wanna know and I think if I tried talking to him he’d wouldnt be honest with me because he would think id tell her. Its been almost 2 months now and she says shes over it and never talks about him except when she comes to the house she always askes if hes home first, what hes been up to and if hes not home where is he and when do I think he will be. And once in a great while shell ask me why I think he did what he did and acted the way he did. I have never known my brother to be like that either, hes always been respectful and honest when it come to girls…but anyways I really dont think shes over him, what can I do to help her either get over him, give her closer or something…

help

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5 Answers

You’re all so young! Things like this will happen and we all move on. There was always a possibility that they were not going to work out and that’s what she needs to understand. It doesn’t always work out. I think your friend is just looking for closure but by the looks of it, it doesn’t seem like your brother even knows what went wrong. Tell her you are sorry things didn’t work out between her and your brother but it’s time for her to move on. The less contact she has with him, the faster she will be able to go on with her life.

kheredia (5566

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Keep them apart. Don’t see her at your house.

Don’t answer her questions about him or his whereabouts. Tell her something like, “I am not my brother’s keeper. I just don’t pay attention to where and when he goes, and he doesn’t tell me.” Say it lightly. If she persists say, “Look. I’m sorry about what happened, but I don’t want to be caught between the two of you.”

marinelife (62485

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thank you I will try, I guess this brings up another question, like I said I have never known my brother to be like this with girls, and ill be very pissed at him if he keeps doing this to other girls (it not right) so how would I know the signs if he’s becoming a skeez

InkyAnn (2441

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@Inked_up_chic The waters are a little muddy right now since this was your friend it happened to, which may make communication with your brother on the subject difficult.

You could try asking him with a preface. Something like, “I’d really like to hear what happened with Judy from your perspective. I promise I won’t repeat anything you say to her, and no judgment, I just want to hear your side of the story.”

That will only work if you can say it an mean it—both things. If, after hearing him out and observing him with future girl encounters, you decide he is going down a wrong path, talk to him then about that in general when time has passed from the incident with your girlfriend.

Good luck.

marinelife (62485

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thank you to all!!! due to recent…issues…my “firend” and i are no longer so i guess its no longer an issue. haha well u keep some and you lose some right?

InkyAnn (2441

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