How important is religion to you when looking for a date?

Not a bit. Mainly because I don’t know from one day to the next if I buy the whole God thing, and I can’t expect someone I’m with to share my view if I don’t even have a solid one.

I’m not sure. I can be live and let live, depending on how we see people and depending on how the other person experiences religion. On the other hand, if it’s something that they use as a way to understand how the world works, that scares me a bit. There are many things about religious that I enjoy. There are some that I don’t like at all. Anyway, I’m an atheist who doesn’t need to proselytize.

It’s not important to me at all if my date has the same or differing religious views from my own. I myself am not really religious, and I am very accepting of all religions.
That being said, I am however a firm believer of not forcing my beliefs on other people and I want everyone, including myself to be free to make our own choices. I chose the beliefs I have chosen for a reason, and I couldn’t be with someone who forced their way of life on me, it has to be MY choice, end of story.

I care. I would not date someone who is very religious. I am an atheist Jew and am fine dating any religion, and fine if they are atheists or theists, as long as the person does not personally think I am wrong and damned to hell. There has to be a basic respect for other people’s beliefs, that is all I really care about. I can’t imagine dating a born again Christian, seems there would be too many difficulties if the relationship became serious, but I would be open to hearing exactly what a specific individual personally thinks before saying I will not date him, I am not trying to make a blanket statement about all born again Christians, just seems unlikely to work. I think it wise to date people you can imagine having a long-term relationship with even if you have no desire currently to be in a long-term relationship.

First of all, I’m agnostic, and apathetically agnostic at that. I don’t think I’d date someone who was extremely religious or extremely atheistic because it would be too stressful. If they could handle never being preachy it might be ok… but anyone who’s middle-of-the-road, not extreme about religion, would be compatible with me. Someone who I really cared about could probably convince me to go to church if they wanted to go, so long as it was a liberal church. I like to sing enough that it’s fun for me, so long as I never have to hear about hellfire.

Not at all unless I’m looking for a date for Kol Nidre services! :-)

I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t share my beliefs.

For me, God needs to be the center of the relationship. My husband and I have gotten through some really tough patches because we had a common focus and an agreed authority above ourselves. We never would have survived the last 20 years if we had not shared a common faith.

I could not be around a person who was extreme in either direction: atheist of theist. I don’t want to be ridiculed for going to church and believing in God, but I also wouldn’t want to be given a hard time for the lack of belief that I have. I am rather apathetic to the whole religion thing, but I still feel it is a part of me, like it or not. If the person had a problem with that (one way or the other), I’d have to pass.

I would not date someone who doesn’t believe in evolution. I don’t really care about other religious beliefs, just that.

I really think that who you date (or marry) is more about agreeing on your spiritual views than it is about WHAT you believe. Couples with fundamental disagreements regarding faith may have a harder time than couples who agree because they’re going to different wells for strength.

If he isn’t upset about me being an atheist, and I’m not worried that his religious practices will get in the way of us getting along, he can believe whatever he wants. Like @hookecho, I think I would have problems with someone whose basic beliefs are so radically different from mine because it would more than likely repeatedly get in the way of our conversations, interactions, and the likelihood of mutual interests. I would not, however, have any preference between a Chrsitian, Jewish, Agnostic, Buddhist, Muslim, etc. man. I do think I’d tend to stay away from religious zealots, though, just because that would be a major interest that we don’t share. I also don’t want my boyfriend or husband to try to pressure or convince me into any religion, and I would try to avoid men who would want or require me to believe what they do.

Very important in that I’m not religious and am not interested in becoming religious.

Yes—I avoid Amish girls—they don’t put out on the first date.

As long as they aren’t insane regarding whatever belief they have then I’m fine with it. Like I’ve said before though, I’ve always liked Jews ;)

Just so we’re all on the same playing field, I’m an Atheist.

I don’t care about the source of my imaginary SO’s beliefs, ideas, attitudes, etc. I just care about what the beliefs, ideas, attitudes, etc. are.

If she believes that homosexuals shouldn’t have equal rights (Marriage, or otherwise), I would lose interest in her. Whether she’s come up with that idea from her holy book, or from her parents, or from just her own brain, that doesn’t matter. The fact that she believes it is what matters.

So the likelihood of me getting really involved with a religious girl? VERY VERY VERY unlikely, considering the sheer amount of disagreements I have with popular religions.

That said, my best friend growing up was a Christian (I know he went to a presbyterian church, not sure what exactly his beliefs are). Whenever we started to talk about religious things, we had arguments. But the next day we’d get together to play some video games. Because our religious beliefs had nothing to do with our interest in video games.

@sarcasm I think you said it well. And I agree that friends are different than SO’s when it comes to this type of question.

To me… Very important. I don’t think I could date someone who was religious. We’d be fundamentally different and there would be far too many things we disagreed about. Some of their core values would clash horribly with mine, and there’s just not any way it could work.

@Sarcasm: I think you hit the nail on the head, and said what I meant to, but said it so much more eloquently.

From my experience dates are pretty laid back when it comes to religion. Plums tend to be a little fearful of the LDS church, while Bing cherries are outright anti-semitic.

An article I read recently:

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Atheists have a much better success rate on dating websites than people with religious beliefs, it has been revealed.

Experts have analysed over 500,000 dating ads to see what keywords are turn-ons or turn-offs.

They found that people who explicitly stated they were atheist were more likely to receive a reply, 42 percent compared to 32 percent.

Singles who said they were ‘Christian’ ‘Jewish’ or ‘Muslim’ fared slightly better than those who made no comment about religion.

But people who use the word God had only a 30 percent chance of receiving a reply… leaving them praying for a date.

Other keyword trends which hindered online dating including using netspeak like ‘lol’ or ‘ur’ and men paying women physical compliments with words like ‘sexy’ and ‘hot’

A spokesperson for OKCupid said: “Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant.

“The result: a set of rules for what you should and shouldn’t say when introducing yourself online.”

I tend to not be (romantically) interested in other people if they are very religious, but they can be good friends. (And for some reason, good Christian boys tend to like me….a lot.)

I would be unlikely to go out with someone who was very vocal about their religion.

It’s sort of important, for me, because as a person, many of my beliefs are founded on not being religious (equal rights for everyone comes to mind, as does pro-choice), so someone religious would most likely have different beliefs than I do, thus putting a strain on any relationship we might have.

And opposites don’t attract as much as they seem to.

I’m an atheist. I’ve dated people from all different religions (or not). I think it’s more important to date someone who is considerate enough not to force their religious beliefs on another. It’s usually easy to tell if someone is religious (or not religious) enough to let their beliefs get in the way of their interpersonal relationships- they’ll usually bring it up really early on. Political views are a lot more important. I’d have a hard time dating someone who didn’t believe in gay rights or womens’ health, because I’d see it as a lack of empathy for others.

Being “religious” does not necessarily have to involve having conservative opinions (not that there is anything wrong with that). I know many “progressive” religious folks.

And don’t get me started on starfruit.

@AstroChuck – Yeah, starfruit secretly wish that they could be Zoroastrians…

I am not dating anyone who thinks I am going to hell because I am an atheist. Also, anyone who thinks women are inferior, is homophobic or willfully ignorant, I am not intersted at all.

Generally it is not important to me. All I would look for is that I wouldn’t have to put up with attempts to convert me, and that she didn’t belong to one of the more strict Islamic sects (I wouldn’t want to inflict an honour killing on her).

Thankfully, my girlfriend does not care for religion, she is Catholic by christening, Buddhist by heritage, but thinks all religion is misleading and unimportant. She knew me as a Christian, and was one of the first to know of my transition to atheism, and it didn’t worry her one bit.

Generally, religion isn’t important to me. I was a lapsed Christian and I was married to a lapsed Jew. We never had any problems with religious issues. That said, I can’t imagine myself with someone who is very strongly religious. Since I’m an atheistic agnostic, I don’t think they’d want me, either. @Sarcasm said it best though, what they believe is more important than how they came to believe it.

It is somewhat important to me.

To me, an important aspect of a relationship would be that we can talk about the more sophisticated kind of subject, and in that regard it would help a lot if our image of the universe would not be fundamentally different. If she’d believe that the universe was deliberately created so that we could live in it, I think anything we talk about would end up coming down to that disagreement.
Specifically, it would be bad if the discussion would end there, which I think is a reasonable worry. If she’d believe the world was made for us for very precise and good reasons she’s willing to reconsider, in the same way that I believe it’s not for specific reasons I’m willing to reconsider, then it would still be interesting. If she’d “just believe it”, axiomatically, as many people do… I can’t stand having to agree to disagree.

As long as she’s a thinker, I don’t think her particular conclusions would be a major objection. As long as she’s reasonable, open-minded and in search of the truth.

What matters is whether the person has a good heart.

Yes, it’s important to me. I was raised Catholic and do believe that there is a higher power. No, I’m not the type of Catholic who attends mass (although, Christmas and Easter, I am there. yeah, I’m one of those.). Also, there are many things about the Catholic Church that I don’t like/disagree with, that’s for sure. I do believe that there’s something more (“out there”)—I’m indeed spiritual, and I would want my girlfriend to be same.

Religion is always important, in the sense that you cannot be an Atheist and date some religious freak that goes to church every day and talks about God all the time. Anymore than you can be a moderately-devout Jew dating a moderately-devout Muslim. But if people have some religion that is simply their personal way of viewing God (like I do) and this does not interfere with their everyday lives and relationship with the other person, then I don’t see the problem. I could probably date a girl from any religion, as long as she was not too fanatic.

There are also the social implications of religion, eg like jmah said you may need to observe certain traditions that run in the family. So even if for example my gf might not be too hot on Catholicism, if I ever married her I’d probably not be allowed to eat meat on Good Friday and her parents might come over at certain times for traditional holidays etc (Passover for Jews, Ramadan etc).

And, even if we never admit it, religion does play a role in our way of thinking, as I recently realised when living in Catholic Poland (as opposed to Orthodox Greece). Even Atheists in both countries still have some traits that are directly related to their religious doctrines, probably picked up from parents, teachers and friends.

It’s not very important for a simple date, but for a serious, long term relationship it is certainly important.

@cbloom8 ; Lurve for the great answer. Problem is, many simple dates turn into serious relationships. My first husband and I were supposed to just be dating until he went into the Navy a few months later. We were not in sync spiritually but since it was just a “temporary” relationship and we were just enjoying each other’s company I didn’t worry about it much.
Hormones took over and we both went irrationally gaga over each other. He found a way to get discharged out of boot camp. (he told several stories how and I don’t know which one is true.)
We got married and had a very volatile (albeit passionate) marriage. Issues of family and conflicting values made it very hard for us to agree on a lot of things.
When he died in 1989, I made a decision to never date someone I wouldn’t consider marrying.
My current husband and I have all the passion in the world, in addition to being in sync with our faith. It makes life a lot less volatile and a lot more pleasant.

@cbloom8 @Judi There is a saying that some rabbi’s use interreligious dating leads to intereligious marriage. I don’t think you can ever expect to just date someone, because there is always the possibility of strong feelings developing. Why set yourself up for the pain of having to break something off or having a difficult marriage? I guess some people truly can just date, but I think most people develop a relationship if they like someone they have been seeing.

@JLeslie, wise Rabbis.

The confusing part is to raise your children liberal, non-judgmental, without prejudice, but then have to tell them they should discriminate when it comes to dating and marriage. It is kind of two different messages at once.

@JLeslie
Why do you have to tell them this again? Because the rabbis say so?
If you do a proper job at raising kids with a liberal, non-judgemental mind-set, and they don’t happen to end up considering their religion a major part of their life, then they won’t care. And all will be well.

@Fyrius Not sure what you mean by I have to tell them that again. I think many people are taught, all religions, races, etc., to treat people as equals and not to be prejudice or discriminate and then when it comes to marriage “they” want you to marry within your group. Not because they are prejudice, but because “they” believe marriage already has stress, why add another. I was raised Jewish in America, my husband was raised Catholic in Mexico. I was just making a point that it can be a mixed message in some ways. And, it was a rabbi who first told me inter-religious dating leads to inter-religious marriage. I’m sure the Catholics probably say the same thing.

I just wanted to emphasize my original point was simply I believe you should date people who you think you could have a long relationship with. The quote from the rabbi was just emphasizing the same point. It has nothing to do with religion, and nothing to do with it being a Rabbi. For me I had some specific things that were important to me including: not very relgious, willing to pay for a college education for our children, willing to consider abortion if something went wrong with a pregnancy, not prejudice, not in debt.

@JLeslie
I was reacting to this particular sentence.

“The confusing part is to raise your children liberal, non-judgmental, without prejudice, but then have to tell them they should discriminate when it comes to dating and marriage.”
(Emphasis mine.)

But I think I see your point. You think you should tell them in order to save them from an unhappy marriage.
Well, still, I think you can give a consistent and non-ambivalent message if you simply tell them not to be judgemental and all that jazz about people in general, but that it’s a good idea to look for friends and lovers only among people who suit you personally. And for that matter, I think they’ll find out about that for themselves.

@Fyrius I probably should not have added that sentence, because it is slightly off topic. I can understand why it bothers you. I was kind of “lecturing” parents. I just think adults sort this out easily through experience, and my comment was addressing if their goal is to have their children marry within their faith or ethnicity, because they feel it is important and and overall easier life, I think the parent needs to be clear why they think it is important in marriage, but different in friendship, because the message is blurred otherwise to a young, falling in love person. And, there are people in society who see this attitude as racist or prejudiced. The statement, “I have friends who are Muslim, but I would never marry one,” will elicit from some the response that the person stating that is actually negative or prejudice against Muslims, or Blacks, Jews, or whatever group you fill in. There is a response in society that says if you really believe everyone is equal you will not discriminate on any of these levels, not even in marriage. Personally, I did not discriminate in this way when it came to getting married. I had qualities in an SO I looked for regardless of race or religion.

@JLeslie
Ah. I guess I misinterpreted you somewhat.
I think we agree, then.

I don’t think it’s wrong not to want to date/marry anyone with belief X and/or without belief Y (I mentioned earlier I probably wouldn’t get along with a religious girl, unless she has astonishingly intelligent arguments why she chooses to be religious), but I do think it’s at least questionable to advise your children to marry within their religion if it doesn’t really bother them.

@Fyrius thanks for commenting so I could explain myself more :). I don’t know for sure what I think about advising your children to marry within their religion if it does not matter to the child. I would guess if the children are young, as a parent (I am not a parent by the way) I would question whether someone so young can see all of the conflict being a different religion might cause, especially if I was a religious person (which I am not). I amnot talking about myself here, because i am not religious. I personally think it has less to do with what religion you are, and just whether you respect the other person and their beliefs, but I would guess, I admit a guess that very religious people care more about staying within ones own religion when they marry and when their children marry than I would.

My boyfriend and I have very different views when it comes to religion/faith. I believe in God but not necessarily in ny particular holy book. It’s probably safer to say I believe in a higher power of some sort.

He doesn’t. He is quite scientifically minded and believes that “God” is just completely made up.

This does not affect our relationship in any way. We respect and, more importantly, understand why each of us feels the way we do.