What do I do about my boyfriend?

Are their positive aspects to your relationship as well? If not, why not just end it? If he annoys you and you never see him, maybe you’d be better off and less stressed out without him?

^^ I concur.

yeah, when we are together we’re happy. I don’t think that I would be feeling this way if I wasn’t so depressed. i jus want him to understand my stuff

I agree with @augustlan

I agree with @deni if there are no positive aspects of the relationship you should end it. You need to sit down and think about whether or not this relationship is enhancing your life. If he isn’t willing to listen to you, and isn’t supportive, why would you want to be with him?

I love him! and we have the positive aspects you talk about. i just don’t know if we should stick it out until things are good again. but we would only be seperating because i’m a depressed person. that’s bad

Well, what does he do that annoys you so much? Is it things that he could stop doing? Or just the way he is?

It doesn’t sound like you’d have a lot to lose by dumping him.

deni it’s both. little things he does. i think i take alot of it the wrong way too. he never means to annoy me but i get annoyed anyway

Are you in therapy / on meds for the depression? That might be the best thing in this situation. Then you could think clearly about whether this person is the right one for you. Address your own issues first, then tackle the relationship issues (if they still exist).

break up.

I’m not doing any of that stuff as of now. I’ve meant to find a psychologist to talk to but I just haven’t been doing much lately. Just sitting home being sad.

If he has not understood your “stuff” by now he will not ever understand it.

This leaves you with two choices:
Accept him as he is and do not expect him to sympathize with you or understand you.
Break it off with him and focus on treating your depression.

I would vote for the latter.

Depression is a very tough thing to deal with. Not just for those suffering from it, but for the people around that person as well. While you are struggling, others around you have to watch helplessly because they can’t fix it for you. I can’t say much about the fact that your boyfriend is annoying you, but I agree with @augustlan. You need to address your depression first and foremost. You never know, a lot of your other issues may resolve themselves in the process.

I agree with @lbinva78. This may be about fixing you and not so much about your relationship.

I agree with you jamie, i need to fix myself because he is happy and ok with our relationship

It is one thing to expect him to understand, but a completely different thing to expect him to be okay with you not taking steps to get better. Depression is hard on the partner; they suffer along with you but have no power to do anything about it. Find a therapist or psychiatrist to get yourself healthy; a healthier relationship will follow.

I’ll bet he doesn’t understand depression. Maybe he doesn’t even believe in it, really. He might say he’s supportive, but what does he really think? You’re sitting on your ass all day. Does he believe you should just snap yourself out of it?

If you haven’t been depressed, it is very difficult to understand it. Most people believe they are in control of their minds. Their experience is that they can choose to do things if they want to. If they think they are being lazy, they can pull themselves together and snap out of it. That’s their experience.

What people who have never been depressed don’t understand is how sometimes we just can’t do anything. We don’t believe that we are any good for anyone. We believe we have no worth to the world. Maybe the world would be better off without us. Others simply have no idea how painful it can be to be inside our heads with nothing good there at all.

I don’t know what your boyfriend has been saying, nor what he thinks. I don’t know if he is unfamiliar with depression or not. But I can see someone having a tough time being around a depressed person. Could he be with you more often, or is there a good excuse why he isn’t?

You enjoy being with him, because for depressed people—well one of the things we want most is love. So when he’s with you, you feel better. But is it easy for him? And do you feel good any other time?

What helps is working on your depression. Try to find meds that work. Try to learn good coping techniques with your therapist. Sleep properly, Get a lot of serious exercise. Be with people. Do you have a job?

You say he doesn’t understand you, and that may be because he simply doesn’t know what it’s like. Maybe you could have him read a book that describes depression, in hopes he will have a greater understanding of what you are dealing with. Maybe he’ll learn things that can help you. Certainly he can help you keep your schedule and take your meds and bug you about exercise and getting to a therapist.

If he is squirrelly about doing these things, then you may well want to consider ending the relationship. Not that that will help your depression. Still, it isn’t good to feel trapped into a relationship because you don’t think you’ll get another one.

The other thing I would suggest is finding a support group. You need to be around people who get it, and who can help you develop better coping skills. A support group creates a community you can rely on, instead of being so dependent on your absent boyfriend.

I’m just guessing about what your boyfriend is thinking. You have to find out from him, which will be difficult if he won’t talk to you. The other thing you can do is try couples therapy, but maybe your relationship isn’t serious enough for that. I wish you the best.

He does think I should just snap out of it. and he does not understand it at all. he’s not with me because he works many states away. we met when he was working here. he wants to talk but I don’t want to because we never get anywhere. Thank you daloon for your suggestions. i’m going to try to get some support for myself and focus on me for now. thank all you guys!

My boyfriend doesn’t understand me.

Doesn’t understand you or won’t agree with you? I have heard this expression for much of my adult life and yet to find an instance where it is used accurately. Not being in agreement with does not equate to not understanding. How does he annoy you? You have provided far too little detail for an honest let alone an accurate assessment.

You have a problem, are depressed, but are you truly recognising your problems, do you really know what you need to feel better? Are you presuming that he could help if he would do what you want him to do? Who or what do you regard as the cause for your depression?

I just noticed I spelled “there” t-h-e-i-r in my first post up there. I am so embarassed.

I stand by what I’ve said before and add something else now that i have a little more information. You cannot be in a functioning relationship if you are not a whole person. As you’ve said, you are depressed, you need to get help, whether that is through a professional or some other means. But the relationship obviously isn’t working and cannot work until you work on yourself a little bit. If it is meant to be, he will be there when you have figured things out.

@veronasgirl While I agree with you that she must work on herself, and that it is difficult to maintain a relationship when depressed, and that the relationship, as it currently stands, isn’t working. However you make it sound like it’s all on her, and he can just wash his hands off and wait.

I think that if he does that, then he’s not really into her. This is where the rubber hits the road—when one member of the couple is seriously ill. Does the other stay or run? If he runs, then I don’t think she wants him back when she’s better. If he stays, he’ll do better if learns all he can about what she’s going through and takes an active role in helping her recover.

@Hippygrl85 You may love somebody, but they might not be the right person. If I were you, I evaluate the situation.

@daloon I agree completely, if he trys to be supportive and is there to help her through this difficult time, then he may be a keeper. But that being said, he can’t do this for her, she has to get help and make an effort everyday to change and help herself. But if he sticks with her through all of that and helps her as he can, then their relationship will be better and stronger because of it.