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Syger's avatar

Why does it seem like my girlfriend wants nothing to do with me?

Asked by Syger (1384 points ) December 1st, 2009

I’ll keep this somewhat :\ short and skip a lot of the deeper background;
-I’m in a LDR with my girlfriend who lives a few states away
-Mid October she had gotten very sick and seemed very distant since; blaming it on the sickness when I inquired about it
-A couple weeks ago I bought plane tickets to go see her again over the holidays
-Thanksgiving night she said I never talk anymore or care about her despite my many attempts to talk to her only to be more secretive, cold and distant. (So I figured I should give her some space until she wants to open up again)
-Since she had added me on Facebook she detagged the photos of us I had uploaded and steadily has been decreasing the available info on her page, and seems to get rid of anything that might lead one to think she’s with me.
-Recently she’s been gone quite a bit working on a ‘project’ that she doesn’t want to tell me much about with an ex of hers who had threatened her while I was visiting her in the Summer (I guess saying sorry means best buddies immediately? – also when she did tell me this she made it a point to say it’s a purely platonic relationship and she didn’t want me to think she was screwing around)

Anyway; what’s drawing me to pose this question is- today I came home and she forgot to clear her recent activity or something I guess (I honestly know pretty much nothing of how Facebook works) and saw she commented on a trip invite saying she’d ‘come in a heartbeat if she didn’t leave ******’ with ****** being the date I would arrive there. It made me feel a bit hurt because what’s the harm in just saying ‘Wish I could go but I have a friend/my boyfriend coming to visit then’. I kind of want to bring it up and appologize for getting in the way of something she’d like to do but then I could seem snoopy and clingy. Which I will honestly admit to being a bit of the latter when it comes to things like this.

I’m not really sure what to think, I feel bad for questioning it but at the same time it’s getting kind of old to feel like a ‘fair weather boyfriend’ I’d really appreciate a female’s input on the situation and just general thoughts or suggestions on what to do or how to handle it.

Thank you for dealing with my insecurities :D

and to those who may remember my older questions; yes this is the same girl

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14 Answers

jackm's avatar

To be honest, the signs point to another person in the picture, probably the ‘platonic friend’ you spoke of.

You should sit her down and say things aren’t going in the direction you saw them going in, and if both of you don’t make an effort to take the relationship in a healthier direction then you should leave.

Now I know this is all more easier said than done, and easy for me to say as I have no relationship to either of you. I could be way off. But that is just how it looks from the outside.

noelasun's avatar

I’m going to just go ahead and say it: from what I’ve read, your girlfriend wants out of the relationship.
It also sounds like she’s goading? baiting? you for a reaction. (she’s trying to get you to break up with her)
I’d be very concerned if my SO was acting the way you described, and unless there was a VERY compelling reason for this behavior, I’d call it quits on the relationship.

flameboi's avatar

o.k. it’s time for you to graciously leave her and find a new significant other in you zip code, really, just leave the girl before you 2 become foes and hate each other…

wundayatta's avatar

It would help if you could find a way to talk openly about this, and discuss your fears and the actual facts of the situation. I hope you can ask her to explain what’s going on, and that she can hear your fears without interrupting you (not necessarily in that order). If you can’t communicate in a way that you feel is open and honest, I think you may want to reevaluate your participation in this relationship.

Parrappa's avatar

I’d kick her to the curb.

LC_Beta's avatar

It really sounds like she’s trying to phase you out, which is a cowardly way of letting someone go. I think you need to initiate a straight-forward conversation about where she sees the relationship going (and I think you need to decide if you really think it’s worth the effort and worry to be with a person who is not as invested in the relationship as you are).

dpworkin's avatar

I think, as W.C. Fields once famously said, that there is an Ethiopian in the Fuel Supply.

poofandmook's avatar

Syger… we’ve talked about similar situations, and I really think she’s being dishonest with you and it’s time for you to move on. I hate to say it, because I would crumble if someone said that to me about my LDR, but none of this looks promising at all. I’m sorry.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

You say you feel like a “fairweather boyfriend”? Well it appears that’s how she’s treating you and thinking you’ll disappear yourself so she doesn’t have to treat you with respect and level with you exactly where the two of you currently stand.

sjmc1989's avatar

Clearly she wants out or she is just an awful girlfriend. Either way though despite what is going on with her do you like how the relationship is going?? Obviously not so I wouldn’t put any more time and effort into this relationship. Get out before things get really messy and Good Luck this probably has nothing to do with you so don’t blame yourself. You seem like you have been trying and she has not been doing her part ((Hugs))

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Some people have a hard time with long distance relationships, and it sounds like she might be one of them. If you don’t see her for sustained periods of time, perhaps she is having difficulties in thinking of herself as being in a relationship with you any more. Even with the best of intentions, it’s not something everyone can do.

The picture thing on facebook sounds like she is trying to detach.

I’m sorry.

deni's avatar

i also agree that the signs point to something fishy going on with a third party. perhaps the ex? this just doesn’t sound good. she doesn’t seem like such a good girlfriend either. going to such great heights to hide the fact that she’s with you? :( blah.

Darwin's avatar

“Why does it seem like my girlfriend wants nothing to do with me?”

I would suspect it is because she wants nothing to do with you. You need to sit her down and ask her how she feels about you, letting her know that long distance relationships are hard, sometimes too hard, to maintain, and asking her if she thinks it is time to take a break from each other.

Sounds like she may indeed have something going with someone else but isn’t mature enough to tell you. It is time to consider finding someone where you live now.

belakyre's avatar

I’m really sorry if this offends you, but I do think that she’s trying to distance herself away from you so that the initial pain will not hurt as much when she finally approaches the point that you may not be her significant other anymore. Some people just find it hard to cope with long-distance relationships, and I think there is always a time in our lives when we have to move on.

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