Should I be worried about guys flirting with the one I love?

She is a “semi-flirtatious person”?

Sometimes I see that as just being social. Other times it is too much.

Dude, get over this. If you love her and she loves you, then you dont have a problem. This isn’t a possession game. She is a woman. If she chooses to kick you to the curb its because something was not right between you…either that or she’s a bitch. Either way you would be better off. Don’t worry about it. If men flirt with her, while you are standing there, stand up for yourself and tell those cocks to move on. If she says she does not notice but ends up dumping you for one soon, then, again, you are better off. Or you could solve the problem by marrying her. If not you are about at the break up point anyway. Life long girl friends are for chumps.

Jealousy is ok, as long as you don’t let it affect the relationship. Do you have any trust issues with her? If you feel she is trustworthy, just shrug it off as simple jealousy.

@Sabotage82 It’s been my experience that stepping up and telling other guys to screw off causes more problems then it fixes, not with the other guys, but with the girl too.

no, it’s normal, I’m pretty sure there is no one better that you around her (that’s whye she’s with you), so, don’t worry :)

@Phobia If he is that paranoid about men stealing his girl, why the hell should he have to suffer in his own mind. If I know a man is trying to get close to my lady and I notice it, Ill be damned if Im not gonna say something. If his girl is worth her salt she will make an active effort to not flirt so he would feel more comfortable in there public surroundings.

@Sabotage82 And I believe that falls into “Is there a way to solve this without smothering my girlfriend too much?” If something as simple as flirting causes you to completely flip your lid, the problem doesn’t lie with her.

@Phobia I agree. That is why, I also say he is probably better off. If loving her is becoming an obsession then he is obviously not in a healthy relationship and need to get out of it before he makes himself look like an ass that nobody cares to be around.

Time to back off and give her some space. These are problems within you which need to be addressed. She hasn’t displayed any unusual behavior from what I can tell from your OP, but your reactions are neither helpful nor appropriate.

People flirt. Flirting doesn’t have to have the promise of any real intimacy either, many people flirt to exchange humor, affirmation of attractiveness, attention, whatever. People flirt with me everyday, almost part of their routine and I’d think if they skipped it then that would signal they’re having a bad day. I also flirt but the effort is social rather than sexual. In fact, the partner I have now is one I did the least amount of flirting with because I had true interest and was too nervous to include him in the casual flirting I’ve traded with others.

It is all about your comfort level with her in terms of trust and in terms of her personality.

One of the guys I love most dearly in the world as a friend is an incalculable flirt. It is just his way. He would never cheat on his wife. They have been married forever, but he flirts constantly with everything female. When he flirts, he is very physical. He kisses me on the mouth (which I usually do not let anyone except my husband do), stands with his arm around me, etc. Like I said, he is this way with everyone.

As much as I love the guy as a friend, as much as I admire his character, I have often thought to myself, “God bless, Ann, I could not be married to him.” She just doesn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. I would go crazy.

It is not about not trusting my husband. I do. I am just not comfortable with that kind of interaction from either of us in a committed relationship.

So, what you need to think about is this: If this is your girlfriend’s personality, it is unlikely to change now or change should you two become life partners. You then have to ask yourself if you can make peace with that being who she is. If the answer is no, then you need to break up with her. Otherwise, your life will be a contant battle, and you will be constantly unhappy.

Have you had an open conversation with her about your discomfort? Not her behavior, because she is doing nothing wrong, but your discomfort? She does not notice the guys flirting? That likely means she is not interested.

She has chosen you. If you trust her, remember that.

I would not confront the guys. You can do other things. Walk up, put your arm around her, and drop a kiss lightly on her, then say, “Want to dance honey?” Look at the guy and say, “Sorry, I am going to sweep my lady off her feet.”

Or Want to get something to eat, honey, Want to check out the deck, fireplace, patio, etc.

Note: You will not be able to carry this off if you cannot do it in a charming manner and a casual, lighthearted way.

Oh, and I must add.

I then tried to kiss her in front of this gent in question, a small kiss in public has never EVER been a problem previously, but she pulled away. I felt like shit.

She later explained this was because (from what I can understand) she was having a good time and didn’t want to disturb the ‘flow’ of that. Again, this kissing and flow thing has never been an issue before.

I do have a few trust issues. She, as we put it, emotionally cheated on me with another person and I have worked past that and decided to forgive her. But the trust issues linger on I’m ashamed to say.

@ModernEpicurian:

This doesn’t bode well- “She later explained this was because (from what I can understand) she was having a good time and didn’t want to disturb the ‘flow’ of that..”
I wouldn’t be worried about the guys flirting, I’d be more worried about your girl.

Dude, put your woman in her place.

Sounds to me she is starting to separate from you.

Based on this new information, you have a problem.

1. It is a change in behavior on her part.

2. She spurned your touch in front of someone else.

3. She was worried about “flow” in a conversation with someone else and considered you an interruption.

I would dump her.

At first I was thinking that you were just noticing something that was always there. So it isn’t a big deal.

“I then tried to kiss her in front of this gent in question, a small kiss in public has never EVER been a problem previously, but she pulled away. I felt like shit.

She later explained this was because (from what I can understand) she was having a good time and didn’t want to disturb the ‘flow’ of that. Again, this kissing and flow thing has never been an issue before.”

Then you posted that. Damn.

I don’t know. It sounds like there is a problem but I can’t really offer advice on how to solve the problem. If she isn’t into you that much anymore you can’t really do anything to change her mind.

Maybe she is bored. You could try injecting some romance into the relationship. Random flowers and surprise dates.

Yes I am with @Marina on this one.

don’t worry about it. Dont turn into one of those boyfriends who get jealous everytime another male speaks to you. Its a relationship killer! If she says she hasnt noticed, it because she only has eyes for you. She wouldnt be with you if she didnt wanna be, and yeah these men may be flirting with her, but that doesnt mean she will act on it. Take it as a compliment, you have good taste!

i think your best bet is to out-flirt them.
flirting works because it’s interesting. just be the one who is the most interesting to her.

I then tried to kiss her in front of this gent in question, a small kiss in public has never EVER been a problem previously, but she pulled away. I felt like shit.

She later explained this was because (from what I can understand) she was having a good time and didn’t want to disturb the ‘flow’ of that. Again, this kissing and flow thing has never been an issue before.

If it seems like she is distancing herself from you, then it sounds more of a problem then before. I would keep an eye out for any more changes. If you want, talk to her about how it made you feel. If she can’t at least meet you halfway to find a solution, then I would leave her before things get messy.

Talk to her about it. Tell her what you’re telling us. Either you can work it out or you can’t.

If you act on your jealousy “your” girl will take that as low confidence and will perceive you as lower value. That’s what it means and that’s what will take her away from you, if it has to happen.

Marriage? Nevermind that comment that I read above. You will only lock people with low self-esteem in a marriage. If not for a low self-esteem, the person will jump out of the marriage whenever it starts to suck anyway. Great quality people will be with you for you, if you are great quality too. For me marriage is irrelevant.

Try to appreciate the fact that your woman is hit on and take that as a compliment. You may even be bold beyond measure and tell her you actually get a kick of seeing others hitting on her, especially women. You might get yourself in a funny party. I can give you more tips if you’d be excited to try that route. In any case, doing this also boosts your appearance of a confident man, which still draws her even more towards you — and will kind of puzzle her, and trust me, women even more than men need mystery, don’t let it die unless you don’t care to let her go.

Oh, and if you ever try to forbid her to flirt, if she is at least a tiny bit of an adventurer, she will get a kick out of flirting even more.

To me it is exciting to see my girl flirting… and I also love to flirt. It’s a whole new world… totally beyond old-age definitions of what is right.

I read a few pretty good answers above. I just suggest you really don’t go by the ones that tell you to be a macho. It’s ridiculous. Only women of low self-esteem will appreciate it if you punch the guy hitting on her. Women of high self-esteem will be excited if they are flirting AND you are flirting with someone else too!

Now, don’t be an asshole and don’t flirt to hurt her. Communicate, communicate, communicate… even if without words… and let her know you’re having fun and want to share it with her.

My sources for what I’m saying are my life experience and also literature ranging from www.doctorpaul.net to the book called The Ethical Slut that you can even find on Speckly if you can’t buy it or don’t feel so attracted. Take a look anyway, I suggest.

Keep up the passion! ;-)

Rex

Having only now read your second message of you going to kiss her and she pulling away, I say that you definitely should not offer her flowers, but yes you need to sweep her of her feet… with your character and personality. If you really like this woman and she is a good addition to your mission in life as a man, then you might very well keep her, if you are really happy with who she actually is (and not what she’s been bringing to your life particularly — which might sometimes be more of your own perception than anything else); I know for a fact that when a woman starts to detach, the more you become clingy the worse it gets. So, if you want to keep her, want her to feel that about YOU, then you have to man up and start to become more aloof and if it feels she might be thinking of breaking up, then YOU break up before; the result is that she will be hot for you again (as you demonstrated unequivocally that you consider yourself to be of higher value than her — for as non-beautiful as this may sound) and this means that you can go find a life beyond her for a couple of weeks, and then see if you’d like to hang out again. When you do this, I suggest you are already having coffee with a couple of prospects, at the very least to get yourself in the mental attitude of “there’s no scarcity… I’m already meeting other people who are also interesting” and then you can convey to her that although you have been seeing other people you’d still like to give it a try once again. If you play it right, you might be on to something… if you act wussy you’ll lose. You’ll lose her and you’ll lose your self-esteem. It sure sucks to be dropped (which I don’t have experience of but almost had once and it was horrible) especially if you are a man. Women have some sort of mechanism that makes them feel (and say) something along the lines of “you’ll never find anyone as good as me, you bastard”, lol… wrapping it up, take it easy… and check www.doctorpaul.net his free 10 laws of being a man might help you, or not who knows,... don’t remember the laws actually. I’ve been reading his more advanced stuff for a long time now. Anyway, his newsletter is fabulous. And his personality test www.kwml.com too. And no, I’m not affiliated. Cheers!

Take it as a compliment. In the end, you don’t need to trust the bloke who’s flirting with your girlie, you just need to trust your girlie. If you can’t do that, then your relationship is doomed.

My wife has had her bum felt a few times when I’ve been out with her, and she’s been a few yards away, and then told me. I trust my wife implicitly, and I took it as a compliment.

A relationship without trust becomes a paranoid dictatorship.

I would be really upset if I was having a good time out in public and a SO tried to smooch on me while I was talking to someone else. That’s not affection, that’s branding me as his, as if I were chattel, and could be possessed and marked as property.

@PandoraBoxx I wasn’t trying to kiss her whilst they were talking. It was a point in a song, whilst we were both dancing to it, where we would always kiss (as the song refers to it, Aerosmith- Walk this way). I wasn’t trying to brand her, thankyou very much :-)

@ModernEpicurian
I see where your coming from, but if you can’t get a grip on the paranoia, it will probably consume the relationship. Do you trust your girlfriend? if so, and you ask her if theres anything going on, and she says no, then you’l only have two options, to continue with the relationship, or end it.

I would say this though, I think all men (and women) would agree, there is a limit to flirtation, and at the end of the day, if you voice your concerns to her and tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable, then if she thought anything of you, she would tone it down a bit.

A tough one that. Good luck.

This is quite simple. If other people are flirting and your relationship is good and no one is cheating, you should be flattered that people flirt with her.