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Ghost_in_the_system's avatar

When you are hurt, Do you lash out at all around you or do you close yourself off?

Asked by Ghost_in_the_system (2035 points ) December 31st, 2009

Physical trauma, emotional pain,other hurts. Some people respond with anger; lashing out at the cause , friends, and family, giving pain to all the people around them. Some people will remove themselves from people, going off to themselves to suffer alone. Which kind of person are you? Why?

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30 Answers

naivete's avatar

Depends on the severity of the hurt. Most of the time I sleep.

faye's avatar

I close off. Sometimes because I don’t want someone to know they have the power to hurt me but mostly I was raised to ‘not raise a fuss.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Some people will never see me in this state. Those I trust will see tears of my anger and they will wait – they know those tears will soon be over and that whoever hurt me is about to pay for it.

snowberry's avatar

I used to react by shutting down. Now I’m learning to reflect and process until I can properly respond. There is a difference between reacting and responding.

Chikipi's avatar

I tend to be by myself and let the rain pour then once the cloud clears I go enjoy the sunshine. It gives me time to think, evaluate, and come up with some sort of solution if possible. I usually don’t want to involve my close friends or family because I don’t want to start a rain cloud on them. I rather share more good times instead. If I need to reach out I will, but for the most part I keep to myself

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Ghost_in_the_system they will turn into whatever they need to based on an elaborate plan of payback.

troubleinharlem's avatar

Sometimes both. It depends on what mood I’m in when I get mad.

Ghost_in_the_system's avatar

@snowberry It is good to know the difference.

snowberry's avatar

Yes, it is really liberating to be able to respond instead of reacting. Every time you give in to reacting, you end up being controlled by others. They learn how to push your buttons, and cheerfully do it just to watch your reaction. When you do react, often you end up getting your teeth kicked in for your pains. It’s often a lose-lose proposition.

dpworkin's avatar

I used to get angry in order to avoid feeling sad. Now I am more able to feel the hurt and the sadness, so I am a much less angry man than I used to be.

JessicaisinLove's avatar

I vent online then go to sleep.

Tink's avatar

I take the pain to myself. I never cry in front of people, I go off somewhere alone and go on the Internet. I don’t like physically fighting with anyone. But if you push me to it I will probably kick your ass.

JLeslie's avatar

It has to be really bad and I have to feel like someone was directly purposefully mean to me for me to get angry, and even then I am slow to anger (with the exception of doctors who I have a difficult time accepting when they are horrible or disappointing). Usually, I do get emotional easily though and I do not think I lash out, but I am likely to be vocal and explain my frustration or hurt to the person (except when it is a doctor, which is interesting to me as I write this), or at minimum I vent my sadness to my spouse or a friend. If I am lucky the person that has hurt me is willing to explain themselves and if I can empathasize with their position, or if they actually apologyze it helps me feel better.

Allie's avatar

I’m a cryer. When I’m hurt or upset I can’t help it, I just cry.

gailcalled's avatar

@snowberry: What well-thought out answers (I agree with you, having gone through a similar process with similar results). Thank you additionally for the clarity and brevity and concision.

Welcome to fluther.

knitfroggy's avatar

Like if I stub my toe or something, and I yell, and my husband says “What happened?” I’m likely to hiss “SHUT UP!” I don’t wanr anyone speaking to me until I can get ahold my myself. If I am emotionally hurt, it depends. If we have an arguement and my husband says something hurtful- I’m a lasher outer. I have no trouble letting him know how I feel. But say a friend doesn’t want to go to lunch because she is “sick” and then I see her out with someone else, I would just keep it inside and be quiet and hurt about it. And then I would get over it.

Haleth's avatar

When I’m feeling bad, I need some privacy to think about what happened and to calm down. I’d rather spend some quiet time thinking to make myself feel better.

A lot of the time my best friend and my boyfriend call me and try to get me to go out and have fun. I’m really glad that they do this, but I feel guilty sometimes if they invite me out and I want to stay in. Sometimes I feel like they’re prying, but not usually.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I was severely injured in a motor vehicle Crash in which our stationary vehicle has hit at 75 mph (120 KPH) and then a minute later by the same vehicle again at a different angle at 45 mph ( 70 KPH).
I suffer chronic severe pain that has resulted in my total inability to work or do most of my previous activities since April 4, 2004.

I never lashed out against anyone in my life. I was angry at the negligence of the driver who not only disabled me but left my daughter (who was pregnant at the time) with chronic pain as well.

Despite living on a modest fixed income, I am basically a happy person who had to give up a career I loved. I sleep in a recliner chair because lying in a bed is too painful. I suffer chronic sleep deprivation due to the pain and memory problems because of the $2,000 a month of medications I know need to cope with my pain.

I keep in touch with my family by phone and internet. I visit my adult children 800 miles (1280 km.) away. My grandmother turned 102 yesterday. She lives too far for me to visit.

I appreciate fluther because it gives me an opportunity to help others even a little.

snowberry's avatar

Unfortunately, if you keep the anger in your heart toward someone else, even if you never act on it, it adversely affects your health. For your sake, I hope you have forgiven the other driver.

There is a quote I have heard that goes something like this: Harboring anger is like taking poison and waiting for the other guy to die.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I tend to isolate myself no matter what mood I’m in; that’s just the curse of autism. When I feel hurt I tend to direct my anger inwardly. There is an initial outrage at others, sometimes expressed online. In real life it is never expressed. Once the initial sense of outrage passes I find some way of blaming myself for what happened, sometimes by the most bizarre and circuitous paths of quasi-logic. My basic postion is that anything that happens to me is basically my own fault.(10 mg of Valium, 20 mg of Paroxetine and 12 oz of Glenfiddich speaking; I really should post a shorthand code to my state of inebriation as my answers often vary by chemical inducement)

faye's avatar

—Umm, I have some brandy—

LeopardGecko's avatar

Depends I guess. Most of the time though I settle down, take time to reflect and act accordingly.

desiree333's avatar

I close myself off, especially in emotional pain. But in physical pain I usually just hold it in. I try to stay calm, and cry quietly.

Jayy's avatar

I definitely close off because i know that if you’re angry the chemicals in your body and stuff interfere with rational judgement and you just simply go into an unreasonable rage which only results in regret. Closing off is still pretty bad though :/

loser's avatar

I tend to shut down.

lovemypits86's avatar

i usally lash out and then i close my self down. i try hard not to lash out but i have a really bad temper.

FlipFlap's avatar

I isolate myself when I get hurt, but if someone absolutely refuses to leave me alone, I will lash out at them.

JJcolter's avatar

um i just like start to swear a lot unless theres a girl in the room then i tend to try more plesent language…. so i dont hold it in cuz i dont htink it would be that cool to might get a diferent personallity like a second you like in the movie me myself and Ireane lol

OneMoreMinute's avatar

I remove myself from people only to heal myself. I need quiet, dark and restful solitude to do this.
I don’t like to use up my energy to perform polite social conversations while I’m ill or recovering from injury or sickness. I only want the comforts of my cats and backrubs, otherwise stay away and let me heal quickly, as I don’t like being sick or broken in any way.
Unless I need someone to pick up medicine at the store.

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