Should I stay with my GF? Just be friends? Erase her from my life completely?
My girlfriend has a very sweet side to her personality. She’s a keener / eager-beaver when it comes to things she finds interesting that she’s recently learned. I think this is cute, and I certainly don’t mind because she keeps me intellectually stimulated when we talk (which I really enjoy), and it helps that we’re interested in the same subjects. Moreover, not only are we interested in the same subjects, we often have the same opinion on these subjects as we tend to think the same way. She has a childish playfulness to her that I love. She’s a big dork, especially in her humor, but I find this endearing, and I enjoy it as well. To add to all this, I think my girlfriend is drop-dead gorgeous, and I’m really into her physically.
However, gorgeous or not, she’s not a sexual person and frankly I haven’t even got so much as a ‘tug’ in the past six months. This, naturally, causes my self-image and confidence to suffer even though I don’t think I’m a bad-looking guy. What really bothers me though is that my girlfriend is not an emotionally mature individual. She has no control over her emotions, and often has very immature reactions to conflict in particular: e.g. if I have a problem with something she’s done, she’ll just refuse to talk about ir altogether because she refuses to be made any angrier than she already is. She’s really proud and incapable of admitting fault for anything. Sometimes she’ll be brought to tears and she’ll genuinely feel for me, and she’ll admit fault for something, but then a few days later when she’s feeling less vulnerable, suddenly she’s perfect again and nothing was ever her fault. She hates ceding any control over her life to other people. If someone needs her to do something she feels “she shouldn’t have to do”, she’ll just ignore the request and do whatever it is anyways even if the request meant the world to the asker. For this reason, I think her highly inconsiderate, and I have problems trusting her (she, of course, gets angry at me because she feels after being in a relationship with me for 2 years, trust should be easy). I also think she’s inconsiderate in that because she’s incapable of being at fault, she can’t sympathize or be understanding when she’s hurt you in some way. For example, when she very abruptly stopped being physically intimate with me, she refused to see how it could cause any manner of insecurity in me and instead got angry at me.
I really like the playful, dorkish side of her personality. I adore it. I also love her for being intellectually competent, and the fact that she can be pretty caring (providing it isn’t her that hurt you). However, she does not deal well with complex emotions, and this has caused a lot of problems for us – especially because I have been predisposed to jealousy and insecurity.
I don’t know whether or not I should stay with her. On an emotional level, I feel I can’t rely on her whatsoever. Yet, the enjoyment I derive from being with her and talking with her often seems like a good enough reason to stay with her despite everything.
On a personality level, I feel complete and utter compatibility. If she were physically into me and more mature emotionally, this girl would be completely flawless. However, she’s not sexual and not mature emotionally. I really, really do think I could maintain a relationship with her if I somehow trained myself to stop caring about the things she does that I don’t like – because God knows she’s not going to change in that regard.
I need advice. What should I do? In the present circumstances, things are really rough. I could just suck it up, forget that she’s inconsiderate, and just do whatever I want to do – i.e. be like her – and continue to derive what I love from our relationship. Or, I can break it off completely and never talk to her again. Or, I could be her friend… If anyone has arguments for any of these courses of action, I would kill to hear them.
Please help, and thank you.
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