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nebule's avatar

There are so many things I want to do but I am so afraid - emotionally paralyzed: Is the answer to grieve? Will I come through this naturally or should I force it?

Asked by nebule (16379 points ) January 18th, 2010

I have many dreams and desires for my life, but I feel unable to do them, I am scared of all sorts of things…mainly people…,scared of being scared, it would feel safer to stand still, but I am unhappy.

I know a lot of this fear is because of a serious amount of trauma I suffered as a child and throughout my adult life. I am working through this at the moment with my counsellor and just hitting some really tough times, I’m crying a lot and feel so sad and angry a lot of the time.

Sometimes I can see a better future and see the positive colour of life…but it’s so far away and out of my reach because of the fear. I want to reach out to people and to my future and higher self… the confident part of me….but I just keep getting hurt and I’m so tired of this.

I want to be an artist and a writer and a philosopher and biologist and psychologist and so many other things,...I want to explore so many things, I want to meet fascinating people in person… I live my life through the internet.

ANYWAY: Will I come through this? Will I naturally find some confidence to start putting one foot in front of the other and make some leaps? Will I feel ready at some point…after the grieving is done and anger and sadness subsides… (will it subside?) or do I have to throw myself out there? Do I just have to start… because that just feels so frightening and yet I am yearning for something more…

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17 Answers

sakura's avatar

I think at the moment you are unsure which path to take, but it sounds like you are doing everything you can to solve, this, talking to a counsellor, asking for help and advice (all be it through the internet, but at least it’s a form of letting off steam and getting it out of your mind)
I think you should start off slowly, perhaps join a local club, coffee mornings at local libraries, children’s centres etc… these will help you meet new people, you don’t have to mention what has happened in your past, you only need do this if you are ready and feel comfortable. The people you meet will get to know you as the person youare now and I sure they will love you!
Be as confident as you can, but don’t force it, as that won’t be the real you! There are probably lots of people out there that don’t want tobe in the limelight and you can share the corners together!

Most of all try to have fun, don’t take life too seriously and get yourself out there!

Good Luck and you can do it :)

Sophief's avatar

I wouldn’t know how you can start. People are stronger than others and are able to live through life. For those of us that aren’t able to do that, I don’t know what the answer is. I need to go out this morning, preferably an hour ago, but I’m still here!

belakyre's avatar

Don’t worry, the first step is always the hardest, but after that, you will know that not only you have conquered your fears, but you have taken something worthwhile from it as well.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

When you have too many talents and interests it can be as paralyzing as having none. Exploring ideas and studies and choosing a career path are two different things; in order to truly “be” something you have to study it in depth and practice the discipline.

Perhaps the answer lies in vocational counseling. Choosing a direction is often about understanding what attributes are appealing to you. All paths have crossroads and forks in them.

scotsbloke's avatar

I don’t have the answer to your questions.
All I will say is that I’d like to give you a huge hug.

@PandoraBoxx is spot on, focus on ONE thing at a time, explore it and learn all you can about it, grow into it. You might never need more than that one thing but you can always move onwards.
We all have times in our lives when we feel so completely helpless, useless, motionless even, but I’d be willing to put money on you being ok, baby steps, day by day.
Good luck.
BB

augustlan's avatar

Ok, two separate issues.

1) Will you come through this time of dealing with your trauma, and be able to move forward? Yes, I really, really think you can. I know from first hand experience that a horrific childhood can be overcome. I am living proof! It took me many years, but each one of those years was better than the previous one and held moments of joy to offset the heartache, too.

I do think you need to process everything and grieve. Facing the past head-on, with the help of a counselor is the best way I know of to do this. I don’t know if you’ll end up being confident, but I’m positive you can be content… confident or not. You’re a good human being, lynn. You can do this!

2) So many hopes and dreams! @PandoraBoxx has some really good advice on this. Pick an area to focus on first, as a possible career. Do whatever you need to to get that taken care of, and then branch out into hobbies and interests. Like the song says, just put one foot in front of the other.

PM me anytime you’d like some support, girlie. After all, I am your “Fluther buddy”!

nebule's avatar

Oh my…thank you guys for all this… you are so supportive and encouraging… xx love you all x

tuxuday's avatar

FEAR! Everyone fears of something. I had a bad patch of life, after which when anyone asks me a question, anxiety fills me. Even today, i was taking an easy online quiz, every time when i clicked SUBMIT and the response box pop-up i could feel my heart! Even i am afraid of talking to others, going out etc. I did feed my fear for a long time and now i realize what i lost. TIME!

For you, all i can tell is try out things. Every time you are in difficult situation if it helps you can tell yourself they are men too, everything is for & by men. Initially you will fail and will get hurt! Go through it. After a point, you will realize things. You will realize why you are doing it, what for etc. Again it might be a second, but that second leads to many hours & days. To be frank i want to be in your position, as it is the the challenge for men.

marinelife's avatar

If you think of every time you have just gone for it, just thrown yourself into something, do not remember that it was good? Or if your hand was forced somehow and you had to do something, didn’t it turn out well?

If you follow the excellent advice of @PandoraBoxx and @augustlan, you will improve your life. But, at some point, you do just have to jump in.

Cruiser's avatar

There is the famous saying…“just do it” easy to say hard to do. I read a lot of your posts and you seem very emotionally fluent. This element of your life can be a gift and a curse. Sounds like for now it is crippling you and your ability to seek out personal enjoyment. You do though need to find a way to put one foot in front of the other and again “just do it” Take baby steps. Explore an art or poetry class at a community college or park district program. Getting out once or twice a week to a class is a great start to finding an outlet for all this that is bottled up inside you.

I wish you well.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I think that I have some idea how you feel @lynneblundell .I’m paralyzed by depression. A feeling of uselessness, hopelessness, where doing the simplest thing takes major effort. I’ve completely isolated myself from direct human contact, only going into town to get supplies and medication. On the worst days I only get out of bed to stoke the wood heater. I’m a totally different person than I was a few months ago and have absolutely no idea how to become like that again. Most of the time I don’t even want to.

babaji's avatar

just as our breath comes in and goes out
so does our life evolve one step at a time, one breath at a time.
Could be said that there are two you’s The one you who thinks all of the thoughts, feelings and situations, and the higher you who is confident, sure and aware.
Rest in your awareness, your higher self, you have all the answers, take a deep breath, relax, take one thing at a time, one step at a time till completion.
it seems like you have made your map, and since you Are the captain of your ship….

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

You are getting to a turning point in the counseling where you feel a tendency to approach and avoid moving forward. From what I have observed from what you have written here, you have the drive and the desire to take those steps forward and soon you will have to momentum to keep you moving toward your goals!

Take a few difficult brave steps and then start enjoying the ride!

Strong's avatar

Challenge yourself! Keep punching through the fear! The little train that could said, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can !!!!!!!!
You can do it! Take baby step if you have too. Always stay busy!

Jeruba's avatar

I think you have started already, @lynneblundell. How many people would dare to tackle the field of study you are pursuing? And how many could possibly do as well as you have done? You are not afraid of tough challenges. It’s just that you, like so many gifted people I know, undervalue the things that come easily to you and focus only on the struggles.

The things that work so well for you in one arena can generalize to another. You have tremendous strengths. You just have to recognize them and discover how to use them in other aspects of your life—and also to see your accomplishments and triumphs for what they are, without dismissing them as unimportant just because they’re yours.

babaji's avatar

One of your answerers said Momentum.
This is good…,Momentum
you know sometimes, for example, you have to give something a push, so that the momentum will grab it and keep it going.
we do something, hard and awkward at first, but after a few times it is easy and flowing and nothing to it and then it becomes easy and natural, and the momentum carries it….
... ...

YARNLADY's avatar

Sometimes a point in every direction is the same as no point at all. Pick one thing to concentrate on, and do it. I remember the overwhelming feeling I first felt when I walked into a big city library. The small town one was a challenge, but I believed I could read every book there over time.

When I realized how many books there really are in the world, I was scared. How could I read them all. Then I realized how happy I am when I am reading one, just one is all it takes.

Choose an activity and go with it.

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