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max53's avatar

NSFW - A follow up question about the psychology of sexual relationships?

Asked by max53 (305 points ) March 1st, 2010

This is a follow up to the question asking how you like your SO to treat you in bed.

It seems reasonable to say that many people enjoy playing either dominant or submissive sexual roles. Myself, I enjoy being very submissive and part of my pleasure is knowing that my wife is thoroughly turned on by being more dominant. I’m curious about why this turns me and some others on so much.

For those of you who enjoy the dominant role, what do you get out of it? Why do you enjoy it? What about those that are more submissive? What about that role do you enjoy? Or for those who enjoy both, or something else, what about you?

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20 Answers

CMaz's avatar

“For those of you who enjoy the dominant role” Me
“what do you get out of it?” It is just a natural thing. I just am.

davidbetterman's avatar

“I’m curious about why this turns me and some others on so much.”

Your momma was overbearing and your poppa laid back and took it.

(of course the other possibility is that you are just sick. But in this sick world, you are far better off as the bottom then as a sadist).

Cruiser's avatar

We take turns holding the Spatula. ;)

syz's avatar

@davidbetterman That is a very closed minded (and mistaken) attitude about sex.

I think it’s a combination of a celebration of trust, the freedom of giving up control, and the thrill of exploring boundaries.

max53's avatar

@davidbetterman You must consider quite a few people to be “sick” because it seems to be very common for these types of roles to exist in sexual relationships.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

It’s a natural thing for me too to be dominant. Sometimes I like to be submissive, to mix things up.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@davidbetterman well aren’t you a peach, as always?

Kokoro's avatar

I have never really thought about it to be honest. I enjoy both roles, but I like being submissive more. The more I think about it, the more I don’t know. I don’t know why I like it! Hmmm.

max53's avatar

@syz “I think it’s a combination of a celebration of trust, the freedom of giving up control, and the thrill of exploring boundaries.” What a great answer. I completely agree with you.

phil196662's avatar

the wife and I switch all the time, one dominant one day and then the other and sometimes just cuddle, kiss and ride the bronco!

Violet's avatar

I like to be submissive in bed, and I’m pretty sure it’s because I have a dominant personality outside of bed, in my everyday life.

davidbetterman's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Aren’t you a peach for saying so
@max53 Yes, max, there obviously are quite a few sick people in our society. The proof of that is how most people refuse to stand up against the madness Like we once did in the 60s…
@syz LOL right!!!

plethora's avatar

@syz The last two parts of your answer I understand, but what is a “celebration” of trust?

syz's avatar

@plethora A submissive trusts his or her Dominant to adhere to the rules that the two of them have agreed upon. A sub that is in bondage, for example, would have no way to stop or control the actions of the Dominant, but trusts that person to respect their wishes (and trusts that they know what they’re doing). A Dominant trusts that the submissive has been honest about what he/she wants out of the play and that they know their own limits. Neither would be willing to undertake that sort of activity without true trust (or that’s the way it’s supposed to work).

(And no, I’m not in the lifestyle.)

Sophief's avatar

I was very dominant with my ex, but only because he didn’t have a clue how to be a man!. My partner is the dominant one now and I love it, I love him to take control and be the man.

downtide's avatar

I prefer to play a dominant role because I find a submissive role to be totally humiliating and a complete turn-off.

phil196662's avatar

Totally! wonderful to have that right @Dibley ! I am the dominant one most of the time and from the sounds the wife makes- she loves to be taken for a ride down _pleasure blvd

plethora's avatar

@syz Yeah, but what does “celebration” mean here. I see it a lot and I just never get it.

RomanExpert's avatar

Dominance is power and control of course!

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