Social Question

AlyxCaitlin's avatar

Are you one to make your S/O stop talking to their guy/girl friends or let alone any friends? Or can you trust them enough?

Asked by AlyxCaitlin (933 points ) March 19th, 2010

I’m seeing this guy who insists that I stop talking to all of my friends knowing they’re all guys. I feel like that the most immature idea. It’s understandable due to trust issues but I should be able to be trusted. In my mind I would let him “talk” to anyone as in hang out; my leash around his collar would be loose in the easiest words. Why do you make your rules, your rules?

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33 Answers

thriftymaid's avatar

If he doesn’t get it, you’re with the wrong guy.

phillis's avatar

There is a difference between being unsure whether you can trust a new romantic interest, and being a controlling sociopath. In this case, you’ve got red flags all over the place with this guy, but your primary interest is in how we would handle it??

How are YOU going to handle it?

jrpowell's avatar

I relationship is pretty much doomed when you start talking about “allowing” your partner to do stuff.

HTDC's avatar

“I’m seeing this guy who insists that I stop talking to all of my friends knowing they’re all guys”

Wait. You’re dating a guy who says this? Why?

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

This guy is a controlling abuser and you need to get away from him NOW. FAST.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

You’re right that it’s immature, but it’s also controlling and unhealthy. Next he’ll be telling you how to dress, where to shop, how to walk, when and how you can smile, etc.

Not that you’ll feel like doing a lot of smiling then…

Likeradar's avatar

This is a bad bad bad start to a relationship.

Why be with someone who doesn’t trust you to make good choices about the people you spend your time with?

I wouldn’t be with someone I don’t trust to have female friends, even exes as friends. And I sure as hell wouldn’t be with someone who would dare to tell me who I can and cannot spend my time with.

Exhausted's avatar

I am with the majority on this one. Your fellow sounds scary. It won’t get better either. It will be like @cyanoticWasp said, it will get progressively worse until it is dangerous. Don’t believe me, just watch the Lifetime Movie Network and you’ll see many “true story” examples.

sevenfourteen's avatar

I used to be on the other end of this—I was best friends with someone for a long time and then when his new gf told him to stop talking to me he did. It hurts. I wouldn’t let old friends go because a new love interest decides he wants you to because who’s going to be there after it’s all said and done with this new guy?

meagan's avatar

There isn’t much worse than a controlling jerk. Except a controlling jerk that makes you look bad infront of other people, too.

How long have you two been dating? Has there been any past infidelity?

Chongalicious's avatar

Mine doesn’t even have a “collar”. If you need to control your significant other, there is a problem. I trust mine completely, it’s the damn girls I don’t trust. But I’ll still never try to restrain him in any way because he’s not out to hurt me and I know it.

By the way, you shouldn’t have to deal with a guy like that, @AlyxCaitlin…he’s being disrespectful and yeah, really childish!

serena933's avatar

Whatever you do, don’t lie to him about the fact that you are still seeing your guy friends. Honesty is the best policy and if you don’t want to change who you hang out with and he can’t handle it, at least no one will be surprised by the type of relationship they are in in the distant future when the truth comes out…because I think that is when people can get really hurt!

BoBo1946's avatar

red flag

Be aware!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Everyone said all the right things above – good job, Fluther!
I would never be with anyone like that.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Oh, so he’s insecure! That’s something to keep in mind.
I think it also bears mentioning that some of the best relationships I’ve had were when my girlfriend and I were pretty blunt with each other about just about everything.

If I told her I didn’t want to talk to any guy ever again, she wouldn’t have had to talk it over with anyone about what she thought before she said it. She’d have told me I was being dumb straight up.
Point being with relationships, you can’t ever be afraid to speak your mind.

mollypop51797's avatar

I trust my man. I mean, it’s his fault if he decides to be unfaithful and depending on how far he goes, I can either forgive him and stay with him, or move on. But we have a strong relationship, and he’s always had my back, so I’m pretty sure that he isn’t/won’t cheat. I let him socialize with women, because I am personally fine with it (I’m not one to bring out my “claws”). I mean, he was originally and English citizen, and a colleague of his had offered to marry him and then divorce once he became a US citizen. I’m fine with it, and she and I have become quite good friends. (I don’t know if that was a good example, but in general, I’m completely fine with it) But for you, if he doesn’t get the picture, then watch out. I mean in every relationship, there should be compromises. If you’re okay with it, then he should too. If he’s not or if you’re not, then the S/O can deal with it, and loosen up

Drawkward's avatar

Paranoid control freak who is too greedy to have anything nice at all. ( As it seems, from hearing this, at least.)

Cruiser's avatar

If you think it’s bad now…think of what it will be like once he puts his ownership ring on your finger! You will go shopping at Walmart just to talk to another live human.

Chongalicious's avatar

@Cruiser and we all know he’ll want to “help his baby shop”...>.<

Cruiser's avatar

@Chongalicious Brutal in how this almost always ends up >.<

Chongalicious's avatar

@Cruiser yeah, I’m just glad I was fortunate enough to learn how to spot this kind of crap early on :( other girls are blind to it ):

Cruiser's avatar

@Chongalicious It cuts deep across both genders! Ouch!

Chongalicious's avatar

@Cruiser you speak the truth! haha but girls usually go for the emotional appeal of how to control the poor guys :( it’s terrible!

Cruiser's avatar

@Chongalicious That is 10 x’s worse than a backhand!! :O

Chongalicious's avatar

@Cruiser It really is! The red mark goes away, the guilt if she were to actually kill herself…never.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

No, I want my partner to enjoy his friends (not talking acquaintances), male and female but I also expect him to expect and ask of them to be respectful of our relationship. This means any sexting, dating site inquiries and naughty pics stop, these are my wants in order to feel respected, valued, exclusive and I do the same for them.

Cruiser's avatar

@Chongalicious hmmm Guilt is a burden by choice and usually of bad decisions that could in hind sight been so easily avoided.

Chongalicious's avatar

@Cruiser true but some girls will say they’d kill themselves if the boyfriend left them…it’s a shame the way some people work these days D:

Cruiser's avatar

@Chongalicious True but now we threaten to take the remote and wi-fi router! lol!

Chongalicious's avatar

@Cruiser NO!!! Anything but my big screeennnn!!! D,=> cries

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

It’s not you. He’s insecure. Maybe find ways to hang out all together and maybe he’ll see that there isn’t a problem.

Haleth's avatar

Your friends have been in the picture longer than this guy has. What right does he have to ask that? You’d be miserable if you were stuck with a controlling, insecure boyfriend as the only person in your social life. In general, dating a controlling, insecure person sucks. Even if you stop talking to your friends, he will always feel insecure about something, whether it’s some guy checking you out on the street or a perceived slight. You will have to constantly reassure him because the root of the problem is that he is not very confident and doesn’t think he deserves to be with you. And a lot of the time a guy like that will make you think that these things are your fault. This is where the controlling behavior comes in. Controlling boyfriends or girlfriends think that if they can’t keep tabs on you all the time, you will leave them or cheat on them. They’ll start telling you what you can do and who you can talk to until you are only doing what they say. No boyfriend is worth going through all that crap.

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