Will my children grow up to be thriving adults? Will I go crazy before they get there? Will we still like each other?

They will always love you. Be the best you can be. Don’t sweat the little stuff.

And… RELAX!

You brought a little tear to my eye :-) I have the same worries…all loving mothers do I suppose. All we can do is our best!

OH!!! And I know it’s HARD and I try to deal with this everyday, but TRY not to be in too much of a hurry for them to grow up. I do it (I have a 2 & 4 yr old) but I know that before I know if Im gonna wish they were still at home running around driving me crazy!!

Frustrated? as parents, we all go through this phase with our children. the terrible twos are the worst and probably know this, already. this time will soon pass and your little darlins will soon become young adults before you know it. be their friend, be their teacher, be their mentor, but above all, teach your children the difference between right and wrong and to respect their mother/father. this is so non-previlant today.

Take plenty of phots of your children. one day, when you are rested and sipping on a cool one, you can grab a photo and think of the times you are having now. its worth the wait. john

Yes you will go crazy first, but its ok just love them and be there for them.They will be fine.

Be prepared for your children to be really resentful as teenagers and young adults no matter what you do.
That part is just a stage.

What makes you wonder? Are they angry with you? Do they resist your every request?

The answers to your questions can only be found in the fullness of time. I was estranged from my parents when I was a teen and twenties. My father completely disapproved of me. I plan to not do that to my kids. I want them to know that whatever they do, I will support them.

I am confident in them. Like any parent, I feel like they have incredible talents, and if they can organize themselves, they will do fine. I’m not hung up on them finding a lucrative field so they can support themselves. I want them to enjoy life, and find something they love doing to do.

My parents never told me what their expectations were, so I was shooting in the dark in trying to please them. I never got it right.

I plan to tell my kids clearly what my expectations are. They should try their hardest and they should so what they love doing. I do not expect them to make any amount of money, nor do I expect them tobe in any specific career.

I made very little money for a decade or two after college. I was chronically under-employed. Part of this was the economy at the time, and part of it was my personality.

Eventually I got to the point where my parents disappointment no longer threw me for a loop every time I spoke with them, and I had a decade or so of decent relations with them. Funny how this coincided with me having children—the only grandchildren they will ever have.

They don’t approve of the way we are raising our kids, as far as table manners and other manners are concerned. We care about that, but we see that as our job, not theirs, especially since they do it in such a demeaning way.

I treat my kids with respect. I let them know I love them and I am proud of them. Sometimes I slip into my parents ways. I try to recognize that and stop it.

But I think my kids will grow up better than I did. More secure. Knowing they are loved, and maybe even my son will learn to use his knife and fork instead of his fingers at dinner. That would/will drive my parents out of their minds, but we don’t sweat the small stuff, especially because we know how it can really mess someone up if you do.

You are a wonderful person, your children are lucky to have you – they will be all the better for all the supposed ‘controversial’ ways your family is, they will be bright and caring and even if I don’t know whether or not they will make the world a better place, I think it’s a safe bet. I wonder about the future of my kids as well but I know I’m giving them a good foundation – I spend a lot of my life and time and brain on figuring out how to make sure that they are developing and learning and being happy – I think more parents can use to care as much as you do!

words of wisdom….enjoy every minute with them and love them everyday like this would be the last day you will ever see them….it will go so fast and they will be grown and gone!

Sounds like you have a great situation. I think if you respect your children (as it sounds like you do), they will respect you in return (as it sounds like they do), and when they grow up, your relationship will be just wonderful with them. This is not to say that there are not challenging times. But the underlying respect and love are there, and will see you through.

Yes, they really will. I now have two gainfully employed wonderful adult sons in great relationships who love, trust and keep in touch with me. It is the most wonderful joy in the world. You just have to keep plugging at it @liminal ; being honest, owning your own mistakes and “stuff”, and “letting out the line” appropriately. It’s messy, it’s frustrating and some days you’re sure you’re not up to the task, but I can see from what I read of you that you and your partner are doing a terrific job. If my kids are thriving after being raised by a very imperfect mother who had so much to learn on the job, you’re kids are going to be just great!

And by the way, the teen years can be tough, but I also found them a very rewarding time as I got to see my kids becoming their own people and was able to help them – at times – in their struggles.

@Captain_Fantasy… I hear that.

The easy answer is yes, no, and maybe to each of those.

@BoBo1946… that is so sweet. and so true.

Time has not improved the maturation process of children making the transition from a child to a self-sufficient adult. No matter what you do, there will be a period where they are critical of you, and you can do nothing right. If you handle it correctly, one day they will wake up and be amazed at how intelligent you’ve become.

I think the secret is to respect the adult the adolescent will become.

Maybe.
Maybe.
Hopefully.
Try to take naps; it never ends.

@liminal Honey, any mother that feels the way you do, will always have the love of her children. I know, because I was just exactly like you when my children were growing up. Yes there are those moments, that come and go, that you wonder. But, don’t waste too much time wondering. I remember one time when my daughter said to me (about age 6) I don’t like you. I looked at her and said, honey I don’t like you very much right now either. She looked at me, not expecting that, and never said that again. I have grandchildren now and I would consider myself the center of family. I have never had any disrespect from any of them, nothing but the love I was so worried about keeping.

Thank you for the sweet answers!

Today was one of those trying days. My heart feels warmed. The insights are meaningful.

They will grow strong and proud. You will keep your wits and they will always love you as you love them.

Of course they will! Under mama bird’s wing, they’ll fly out of the nest with a business suit and briefcase on! well you know what I mean The bond between parent and child can never be broken. Your love for your kid’s is the strongest love you can have, so just..as the cool kids say it, “chill”. Everything will work out fine… just think.. they’ve grown so fast before your eyes. So take a real good look at them and before you know it they’ll be out in the world taking advantage of the gifts, lessons, and love you gave them.

@liminal As a dad who feels as if he was the one responsible for raising my children through their early life, I have had the same concerns.

My children are all young adults now and I continue to see evidence that they are moving towards achieving the goals about which you referred.

My daughter who never had any exposure to good or nurturing mothering from her mother is an amazing mother herself. She is making excellent progress in discovering who and what she wants for herself as an adult.

My sons are both making good progress in becoming adults who contribute to the community.

I look forward to watching their continued progress.

@slick44 thank you my friend!

Yes, because you are asking this very question. Bad parents are usually not concerned about their children thriving as adults.

@mattbrowne <spot on >