If your spouse divorces you against your will - are your still married?

No. I wouldn’t want to be married to someone that didn’t want to be married to me anymore. Before it got to the point of divorce I would do whatever I could to repair our relationship. If my husband decided he didn’t love me anymore and no longer wanted to be married, I’d let him go.

That seems obsessive and childish to me.

What I was thinking of – renting an apartment – yes, I am Mrs. So and So, or ‘are you married?” – yes.

I wouldn’t want to stay married to someone who didn’t want to be with me anymore. That just sounds like a lot of bitter feelings and heartache. I couldn’t take that for very long. It’d suck to let go I’m sure, but eventually I’d move on with my life.

@Allie Yes, I understand that, but I’m not talking about the spouse, I meant the whole ‘are you married’ thing. People who ask, renting an apartment, being a parent, and dating.

@YARNLADY “Are you married?” “No.” Once you get a divorce, whether you wanted it or not, then you’re no longer married. If you mean separated, then I guess I’d say I’m separated or in the process of a divorce. I’d only appear married on paper until the divorce was finalized. I wouldn’t tell people I’m still married if 1) I didn’t feel still married (like my husband wanted a divorce, in which case please see my previous response) and 2) I was either in the process of ending or had ended my marriage.

@Allie—This isn’t about me, personally, but my friend says as far as she is concerned, she is still married, even though her husband has been granted a divorce. She rented an apartment as a married woman, Mrs So and So, and she shows married on her employment records, and claims married on her children’s school records. She considers herself still married.

No. When the court renders the judgment the marriage is over.

It’s not unusual for people to still “feel” married, but they eventually take the ring off and accept it.

It takes two, just like the song says.

No, you are not married anymore if you are divorced. Agreed or not agreed.

That sounds a tad delusional. Obsessive at best.

She’s hurting. If this helps her deal with the stress, let her.
She will change her mind when she meets someone.

After your spouse divorces you, you are no longer married, you are single. When a spouse dies, you become a widow and are single again. In both cases you had no control over the situation. However, many widows continue to wear their wedding ring and consider themselves still married. If you choose to do the same after a divorce, so be it, but technically and legally, you are not married. I know a woman that divorced after 27 years of marriage. She has no interest in dating or ever getting married again. The man that divorced her is the father of her children and in her eyes, her husband still.

@YARNLADY This is probably her way of coping at the moment. She will need time to grieve for the loss of the marriage (especially since she was against the divorce). My only concern would be the legal issues of falsifying documents or tax information. I’m sure that varies from place to place (as far as which places would have an issue with it), but it may be best if she can find a way to at least accept that legally she is no longer married.

@Seaofclouds That was my concern as well, claiming married on work documents and such. I don’t know about her tax returns, I hope not.

@YARNLADY I didn’t mean you as in you. Just in the general “you” sense.

“Married” denotes a civil status that is terminated by divorce or the death of a spouse.
Wishing it were different does not make it so.

@Dr_Lawrence And yet, people make a vow “til death do us part” and she doesn’t see how divorce can change that.

I have no disrespect for her feelings that her commitment was no ended by steps taken by the man she had married. If may not serve her well, but I respect her feelings.

@Dr_Lawrence Me too, it’s really hard to get her to understand. I was hoping someone here might give me an idea, but I guess I’ll just have to leave it up to her.

I suppose it’s a necessary emotional prop for her. I know how she feels; I checked “married” on the census form, maybe the storm troopers will haul me off for reeducation. I suppose next years tax forms will be the acid test.