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TheOnlyException's avatar

I think I am severely depressed and I do not know what to do?

Asked by TheOnlyException (2174 points ) May 13th, 2010

To be more specific I am afraid I am suffering from cyclothymia (a milder version of bipolar disorder)

I feel horrible right now. Just completely lost and hopeless and I just want to scream and cry and I do not know specifically why.
But some days I am full of confidence and determination and energy like I will get X, Y and Z done by the end of today.
And I never do. But it keeps happening, this cycle of confidence and then sadness.
I do not know who to tell.
I hate telling my friends, because I feel guilty for burdening them all with it, I just want to be happy with them so I fake it and slap a big smile on my face in the hopes that will work and I wont drive them away.

My parents could not care less.
My teachers are already concerned but I do not want to come across as an attention seeker or something equally stupid.
I just want, help. I guess. But I don’t know who from. The one person I felt I could go to is leaving soon, I’ll never see them again not going into details and I want to talk to them, but I don’t want to make our last days together full of my problems.
I don’t know. I simply do not know what to do. I’m frightened, really truly frightened. I’m scared what might happen.

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25 Answers

ChocolateReigns's avatar

How old are you? I don’t have the answers to your questions, but I think it would help somebody who does know to know your age.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@ChocolateReigns I am 16 years old. 17 in July. I have been reading up on cyclothymia. Symptoms usually start in teenage/adolescent years, late onset symptoms are unusual.

dpworkin's avatar

First, it is not worthwhile to self-diagnose. You sound as if you are feeling badly, and that it is interfering with your ability to enjoy your life. You don’t need to have a special box with a name to put it in.

That having been said, the affective disorders (whichever one yours may be) are the most amenable to treatment.

If you can’t begin with your parents, try asking your family doctor. If that isn’t possible, perhaps a pastor or Rabbi. If that is not to your taste you can try asking the nurse at school, or call a suicide hotline. You don’t have to be suicidal to get good help, and the hotline staff will be knowledgeable.

janbb's avatar

I think from your posts that you’re just finishing 6th form college so this is a time of transition in your life. That can be very upsetting in itself. You have said before that you don’t like to burden your friends – that’s what friends are for (as long as it’s a two-way street.) You may need to think about finding some friends you can be more intimate with. However, this sounds like you have more serious concerns about your mental health and it would be beneficial for you to talk to a professional counselor. Perhaps your GP or someone at your school could refer you to a mental health clinic.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@janbb i know my friends will be there for me no matter what, they are all wonderful. but there is only so much they can do. i do have exams and things coming up and i am in sixth form yes, but i am not scared or worried about those. i am scared of myself and my own mental state, because it feels so out of control and out of my hands. i am terrified of what might happen. i cant see the family doctor just yet because i have work experience with her coming up. i have considered seeing the nurse for an appointment with the school counsellor, maybe… just need to get past the awkwardness of it all.

janbb's avatar

@TheOnlyException You will be surprised what support friends can give, but I would definitely talk to one of the professionals such as the school nurse or school counselor ASAP. You are not unique, they have heard it before, and you should not have to be miserable any longer.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@janbb thank you. you are right. i dont think it will be as simple as that, but it is a start. i am coming to terms with the idea there may be something wrong with me. thanks again

janbb's avatar

No – it won’t be simple, but you will begin to feel better once you have started tackling the issue.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Depression doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you as a person, @TheOnlyException. It means that you have something to deal with, like having the flu. There’s no need to feel badly about going through this. If you are ill in any other way, you go to the doctor. It’s the same thing. Push past your sense that you’re “bothering” people or being an “attention seeker”. That’s the illness talking.

Please see a professional. And if you can, talk to your parents or another adult you’re close to, and they can help you. Your friends, however well-meaning, may not be equipped to help you in the way you need.

Aster's avatar

I’m sad for you. It is so like me to suggest what has helped Me with depression and sadness: being outdoors, pets, attacking a hobby, lots of supplements like Maca and tryptophan and D3. Don’t listen to sad music. Do u have a puppy or kitten? A hobby you like? Sometimes, caring for someone else helps a lot. Have you tried yoga? It is my personal belief that SSRI’s only work for a short time, if at all. I have a friend, a woman, who has been on anti-depressants and has seen psychiatrists and psychologists almost her entire life and the only things I’ve noted that seemed to work At All for her were going out to garage sales, the mall or re-arranging furniture. A change. Just getting out of herself. She takes so many pills her hands shake. I want to give you this ((((hug)))) and hope you’ll feel better soon. Aster

evandad's avatar

Feeling lost and confused about life is fairly common at your age. I had it bad. Self diagnosis is dangerous. If you feel that you might hurt yourself or someone else, then go to the school counselor and speak to them. They will refer you to someone that can help.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@aprilsimnel Push past your sense that you’re “bothering” people or being an “attention seeker”. That’s the illness talking.
that is a possibility. i guess i am going to have to do that. it is so humiliating sometimes though :(

@Aster I have completely lost interest in all the hobbies and activities i used to love. i have tried, believe me, to get into them and try new things, but it isn’t working, hence i feel so hopeless. :( but thank you for the idea

@evandad I am on the verge of doing something reckless. I will see someone about it tomorrow and try to control myself until then.

Thanks to all.

MissA's avatar

You sound like a loving, caring exceptional (as your name suggests) young person. You’ve communicated your situation very succinctly and I’m just sure that you’re going to get through this.

Since you have some clear ideas about who not to talk with, perhaps the first order of business would be to come up with a strategy to find who to talk WITH.

List your best friends, those you trust and believe to have good judgement…adults and peers. List professional people in the same way.

You may not feel like it at the moment, but you have a very good sense of your plight. Personally, I don’t think you’re as bad off as you might think. You’re not dramatic and you seem reasonable.

There may be a mental health department in your town, where perhaps you can get a referral.

I understand your comment about your parents. Many times, adults don’t believe their child could possibly have a problem because, “they have EVERYthing…what could possibly be wrong!”

There are a lot of good folks here who care. Please post how you work through this. Good luck and my best.

perspicacious's avatar

You don’t know who to tell? I think we are the wrong choice. Make an appointment with a mental health practitioner. Your details sound a little sketchy

TheOnlyException's avatar

@MissA thank you. you make me see myself as a little rational in what could be a potentially chaotic situation. i will keep updating on what i choose to do. tomorrow is going to be a bit of a push, i am considering who to talk to.
thank you again for your answer. it was lovely.

Supacase's avatar

Talk to your guidance counselor or family doctor. Sometimes you need the help of an outsider or even a professional. It is almost impossible to help ourselves when our perception is altered. You don’t have to feel this way – there is help.

charliecompany34's avatar

NOTICE: authority figure needs to intervene. do not know what state or county this question is coming from, but it could be a red flag. not exactly sure of the state of mind of person who posed question, but you will need help and intervention, NOW.

@theonlyexception: stop reading if you do not understand what people are trying to say

to fellow flutherers: if you have any idea where this question poser is, notify authorities in your area.

skfinkel's avatar

I agree that you need to get some help and right away. It sounds like what you are going through is a bit more than most friends can do for a friend. Professionals will be able to help you. And I do hope that you hang in and do what you need for yourself. You will need to take some action to get the help though—or don’t forget you can always call 911 if you think you are in some danger.

Trillian's avatar

Well. which is it?

meagan's avatar

Tell your Doctor. There isn’t anything else to do.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@Trillian things have changed since then. I was trying to tell myself that i had worked myself into that state and that a bit of rest and relaxation would fix me up.
but now i think about it i have had long periods of ups and downs for the past few months, scary highs and dangerous lows and i have only come to accept there might be a real problem recently.
i have visited the doctor since and she does suspect cyclothymia, worst case scenario bipolar disorder.

janbb's avatar

@TheOnlyException Gald you are looking in to it. Thanks for the update and good luck!

Sincerity's avatar

As much as your parents may seem like they don’t care, it may help to sit down with them and calmly (at least as calmly as you can) explain your situation and your feelings. After all, they raised you – they may think it’s just a “teenage phase” or something like that, but if you think it’s more serious they deserve to know, and may have the financial means to help more than you do, if your doctor believes it’s something that may require prescriptions or therapy or something like that.

Believe me, I’ve been where you are (or at least in a similar situation), and I know it’s tough, but be strong. It’s hard, but you can do it. Remember that you’re a person, and every person is their own type of beautiful individual.

kristie10's avatar

I myself am a rapid cycling bipolar. First of all sweetie you have got to get to a psychiatrist for medication therapy. You will see no improvement without it. Meds are very effective and can help you lead a normal life. Second of all you would probaby benefit from the help of a therapist. They will help you learn to deal with the lfestyle changes. Educate yourself so that you can be your own advocate.. Dont be afraid, it will be ok. You must get the following help first. good luck sweetie

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